Lived Experience Forum

[Adge]

Good on you for going for a walk @Former-Member Except those death hills (not so good).

I did not manage a walk - I've been trying to force myself to go to a park for a walk (for many weeks).

Motivation very difficult for me to find, when currently so overwhelmed.

A Lockable Garage - Excellent (now I'm envious).

My open Carport (with no Gate) is open to intruders (unfortunately) - they broke into my Car once (in carport), broke the car door locks.

Yes I've just managed to get a list of Yoga teachers (classes) elsewhere from my Yoga teacher - a very short list (5), all daytime classes.

Fine for now, no good if I get a new job - I would not be able to attend any of them.

It's the "Being forced to try new places/ people/ activities" that is so trauma triggering & unsettling.

I need "Face-to-face" (in person) classes for to motivate me, & for a small amount of social interaction - so sadly Zoom will not serve the purpose.

Online (Zoom/ Skype) only works for me when I know the person well, & am comfortable with them (not a 1st time meeting) - eg when I had one Zoom Consult with my Psychologist.

That felt/ worked okay, because I have been seeing her for ages.

Re: NBN - I have had to run a phone cable/ line for about 10 metres.

Down main corridor, from one bedroom to another - just to have phone (mainly) & internet working.

This was not necessary before.

The main (one of two) phone socket/ outlet cannot be used now (anymore) - because only the phone line with Modem/ Router plugged into it, will make the phone work.

Normal phone Socket (without Modem) is dead, no signal.

I never saw any Technician at all (no-one) - They did this NBN business "Remotely" electronically.

No, my Mobile is on the way out - sort of dying or becoming obsolete (Battery not holding Charge).

Will need replacing, when I can deal with the stress of doing that - very hard for me to set up a new Mobile phone (takes forever).

Yep, "Silver Lining here I come" (where is it?).

There has to be a Silver lining amidst all this manure - that's a long story/ funny Joke.

Adge

[Zoe7]

Not crazy at all @Former-Member It is a big move you have made with a lot of 'loose ends' to maybe have to tie up but you are doing what is right for you and having your son being so close and that relationship improving substantially must be making the move so worthwhile. Really happy for you EOR. 

[Maggie]

@Former-Member  A lock up garage would be important for lots of reasons, but my thoughts went to heat protection. Especially in your area.☀️☀️☀️

Its good fur baby has a next door mate to bluff with.🐶🐶

So far so good. Really hoping life has some good times ahead for you. You might be enjoying your sons visit this weekend. Enjoy. Take care @Former-Member 💕💕

[Adge]

[Former-Member]

Thanks @Adge, @Maggie, @Zoe7, appreciate that Yas care enough to say.
My boy is ok, said he felt depressed a bit, and Vey overwhelmed with his dad sick and work overstretching him and allergies... not sure I listened good enough. Kinda losing the art of conversation really, life's left me speechless around him. Outside my faith there's not much positive stuff to talk about. Gotta keep it positive. He buffs off talk of God 😏 Still carries fair bit of anger... Still learning to listen more. Social distancing fail - we had to hugged - elbow bump just not enough, but Qld doing pretty good atm.

[Zoe7]

@Former-Member You are having contact with your son and that is the most important thing. It makes the move such a positive one for you and that warms my heart 

[Former-Member]

Maybe @Zoe7, but I'm feeling sad. My moving here (major Qld regional centre) was inadvertently timed with my son's dad taking ill (terminal) and my boy lumbered with having to coordinate extended family (who had very little to do with my boy growing up, re never really approved of our marriage, didn't like me), my boy helped him move into supported care, and unfortunately he's now living not far from me. I am still frightened of his dad. Thing is, these visits my boy visits his dad before snd after spending the night with me. This last two visits he spent a lot of time with his step sister who hates me. Conversation is all about the abusive X and his 1st marriage children, who are suddenly back in my boys life and it feels like I've lost him to their bias. It takes all my energy to bite my tongue. His dad doesn't deserve him, all he did to us, especially my girl (which my boy doesn't seem to believe) I find myself wishing him dead and then feel guilty... I clam up around my boy, but cook and be hospitable with him, give him that soft place to fall. But dont feel it's enough. Mided feelings. Got a bit of SI tonight, but maybe just the weather too. So cold today I've done nothing, not even take a much needed shower. Tried to find a psych today but so far all of them charge upfront $160-190 a session 😟 Given their track record with actually helping, is this expense really viable. Just gotta go it alone I guess. I got really distressed today trying to log into Rental Bond board to sort issues, couldn't remember passwords, or answers to secret questions or even which bank account I'm using... which kept locking mecout and caused the assistant alarm about my authenticity... started crying... felt so out of control I guess. Fortunately I didn't have to respond, only consequence was 2wk delay in payment, Soni went down that way. My son is so stretched I don't wanna ask him for help. Feels like I can't do these basic life skills anymore, so high tech... Irrational phobia. I donno, maybe tomorrow will be better.

[Zoe7]

That is really difficult for you @Former-Member  As you said though - you are providing a soft place for your son to fall and that makes a difference. He may not show it but he wouldn't be coming to you if he did not care so take heart that you are not only there for him but he is quite clearly open to talking to you about things. It certainly is not easy for you to listen when it brings up so many emotions and memories for you but you are doing that so you are showing immense strength. The SI may be both the weather and those memories - it is hard ...we both know that but you are in a much better place than you were even a year ago - I can see that and I am sure others here can too - so you can get through this. Today the world seemed to conspire against you - bloody technology is only good when it works. Quite frankly I believe there should be different options for different people - not everyone is okay with computers or technology and it can be both confusing and alienating for a lot of people - you are not alone there. I personally think you should ask your son to help but only you can be the judge of that knowing how he is coping with everything himself first hand. For tonight keep warm and stay safe and then tackle tomorrow when it comes 

[Otter]

Hi @Former-Member 

My sympathies that it has been one of those nights where SI has come up for you and has been tricky to manage. Are you able to reach out to a crisis support line, potentially Lifeline or SCBS, in the instance that you need to chat to someone? Are you receptive to reaching out to someone for some instantaneous support?

In this with you always,

Otter

[Otter]

Hi @Former-Member 

My sympathies that it has been one of those nights where SI has come up for you and has been tricky to manage. Are you able to reach out to a crisis support line, potentially Lifeline or SCBS, in the instance that you need to chat to someone? Are you receptive to reaching out to someone for some instantaneous support?

In this with you always,

Otter

[Former-Member]

Thanks @otta, not distressed, just lost. Will do some grounding. Thanks ❇️