Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

alright im not that fussed about not having friends but this is really starting to get to me

i thought i had three good friends but they have become so distant and now they dont talk to me at all nor do they respond to my messeges. where the heck have i gone wrong?

i dont know what to do and i dont know how to go about ir ot approach these people

i

[Lunar]

Hi there @Former-Member

That sounds difficult feeling like your friends have distanced themselves, has something happened between you to change your dynamic or are you finding that your paths don't cross as often so it's hard to find the time to see them?

There have been times in my life where I have thought friends have distanced themselves and then found out it wasn't intentional they were busy, and so was I ! It's tricky being a carer and also having time to see friends and maintain relationships, could you invest some more time into one friend instead of a few?

Or do you think you could clear the air and catch over a coffee to chat about how things have changed and how that is making you feel?

Lunar 🙂

[Former-Member]

hi @Lunar

i wrote to them and asked them and they really started slamming me!! all three of them. i apologized to them but i dont think our friendship will ever be the same

[Phoenix_Rising]

Hi @Former-Member, I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling in the domain of friendship. I'm afraid I don't have any words of wisdom on this one as I am amazingly bad at the friend thing. My last friend vanished in November 2016. I'm not going to do the friend thing again - I accept that friends are just not something that are going to be a part of my world. I'm moving forward with aquaintances only. That feels safer for me.

I recognise that the reason I can't do the friend thing is because people get overwhelmed by the intensity of my super big feelings. Also, I have significant communication issues because of that strange habit that neurotypical people tend to have of saying X when they really mean Y.

I have been saying for years that people like me until they get to know me, and then once they get to know me, they don't like me anymore. I think I mentioned somewhere on another thread that I connected in real-life with a few people from my uni forum and each of those relationships rapidly fell apart with the person saying I was very different in real life to how I present on the forum. I recognise that it is the intensity of...well...me that people can't cope with. Most people struggle to cope with someone expressing big feelings. In my situation, I can see that people start off thinking they can handle it, and then as they see that it goes on and on, they grow weary and walk away. This then triggers a whole new muddle of abandonment stuff for me.

So...that's my experience of friendship. I have no idea whether any of that is relevant to your situation. I guess the only way to figure out what is going on with your friends is to ask them.

[Former-Member]

just you reading my post commenting and sharing your experience @Phoenix_Rising shows im not alone

[PUP]

hi lil-caterpillar, not many young people on the forums here so I thought I'd say hi. My mums a problem for me too, she has Bipolar, so well, its just me and her though, big bro left home years ago. Sounds like a pain having to care for pest siblings all the time. I have to cook a lot and house stuff when mum gets down, sometimes for weeks, something on her phone set her off this morning, she's been crying again and not eating. Think I'll go visit a friend. What are you doing today?

[cobber]

I can relate to you and feel for you. my friends have all distant themselves from me. Every relapse i had instead of them hanging around to support me they keep away. I think if i was to speak to people who understand at least that way they dont distant themselves.

[Former-Member]

are you a young member too as in around 20 @PUP

and Hello

[Former-Member]

You come into the world alone you leave this world alone. That's my motto for life. Friends will come and go and what's the saying if you can count 5 friends on your hand your truly blessed. I can count 2 and I feel blessed by that. If your friends don't want to be your friends stuff them. I lost most of my friends when I got ill and I'm glad I lost them because I only want people in my life who are supportive and good people, not flaky losers. Ain't got time for flaky people.

Sunshine there is more people in the world then on your phone contact list. Arnt you going back to study? Make some friends there? Don't you like to draw? Take an art class. Make friends there.

If you think these people are your best friends and must have them in your life give them a break. It's hard enough being us in our own head let alone them living there life and having to live there own life that dose have promblems. We can't keep taking and they have a right for break. There are many articles on the net about having a mental illness with friends. For my two best friends I actually sent them links on how to handle me, keep them self happy and put up boundaries if I get to much. As much as I wish I could have them 24/7 there health comes first before mine like my health becomes before there health.

[Former-Member]

hi @cobber

i thought these friends would understand as they are abit older then me and also have been through anxiety themselves