Lived Experience Forum

[TigerMumma]

My baby is 13 months old now and for the most part, I am very lucky with how I coped postpartum. The one thing I cannot shake feeling like an absolute failure for not being able to successfully breastfeed my daughter.

After two weeks of screaming all night long and not gaining adequate weight, my midwife noticed that bub wasn't sucking hard enough to get milk, despite feeding almost constantly. I tried a supply line to no avail and started exclusively pumping. At bub's three month growth spurt, I couldn't pump enough milk to keep up and my midwife, lactation consultant and GP all advised that in my situation, formula was the breast option.

Ten months later and I still cry whenever I think about not breastfeeding my daughter. All you ever hear is how breast is best and all women can do it if they have the right support. I feel judged when people ask me about it and I feel like I let my daughter down. We do have an incredible bond (which actually strengthened once I quit pumping all day long and could actually play with her), but I feel like I missed out on all of that bonding time and a fundamental motherhood experience. I know I can never go back in time and try again, but I just don't know how to be okay with it.

[Former-Member]

Everyones situation is different i couldnt breastfeed and if i have another one i will have to have medication to stop it from even starting cause i actually have an allergy to my own milk. And if anyone questions you tell them that the new trend is fed is best doesnt matter if its breast, pumped or formula as long as they are being fed everyone else can shut their pie holes and I had the same feelings when i couldnt breast feed but to be honest my relationship is stronger with my son then what my sister has with any of her kids and she breast fed all of them till about 18 months just remember if your child is fed clothed clean happy and healthy you are doing an amazing job

[TigerMumma]

Thanks @Former-Member. I do think our bond is stronger since I stopped pumping (and stopped being frustrated at a screaming baby who wouldn't feed). I'm positive formula was the right decision for bub, I just selfishly wish that it could've gone differently for me.

[Former-Member]

Thats okay i wish it could have been different too and its okay to be upset but as they get older and more mobile you stop missing it (you wont have the time to)

[utopia]

@TigerMumma
I too struggled with breastfeeding. I had milk during the day - but very little at night. I used a pump. I tried tea's designed to help with milk production. Nothing worked. In the end my body just wasn't able to do it.
So by one month of age, I put my son on formula. It was the best decision I ever made. He was finally getting enough milk. I was more relaxed. We were both happy.
It's a myth that all women can breast feed. In the old days and still a practice in some countries, a wet nurse is used. Because, our bodies don't always work the same. We are all different.
How wonderful that you and your daughter have such a great bond. You don't need to breastfeed to create a bond. You just need to love your daughter & she will know she is safe and loved by you.
Sounds to me like you are a fantastic mum. Yiur little girl is very lucky.

[TigerMumma]

Thank you so much @utopia. It sounds like you were right in the same boat as me and it's reassuring to hear that you're confident it was the right path (or the only path if you think about it!). The more I tell people about my experience, the more women I hear from who have had a similar experience. I just don't know why there wouldn't be more information about it out there. We were only told the positives about breastfeeding in my prenatal class and it was never even mentioned that we might not be able to do it. There have been studies linking wanting to but being unable to breastfeed and postnatal depression, so I just can't understand why doctors and midwives aren't preparing their patients to have more realistic expectations.

[utopia]

@TigerMumma. I agree it's a fault of the system to not explain that although 'breast is best' - not everyone can. And that feeding your baby formula is not a bad thing. It is a healthy alternative. And bonding isn't done over breastfeeding. It's done through cuddles and smiles and talking and singing.
Men don't breastfeed, but they can still bond with their baby.
I think the classes - prior to birth, only talk about a 'perfect world'. There is no discussion on postnatal depression, or not bonding with your child right away, or having a child with a disability. They just talk about a 'fairy' world of perfect.
Luckily for you and I, we got perfect babies. And we are perfect mums - breastfeeding or not.

[TigerMumma]

Hehe you're the best! She is pretty darn perfect 😊

[UwillbeOK]

Hi Tiger Mumma

Dont be so tough on yourself. Formula milk is very good too these days...so show yourself some compassion.  As moms we want the very best for our kid but there are some things that we give it our best shot and then we know that we did our best. And at least u r able to play with your baby rather than stress yourself over producing milk.  the bonding will always be happening throughout your lives together.

my son is 12 now and we defiintely still bonding...hehe...enjoy your baby now...these cute moments dont last that long ...hahaha dont be stressing about your lactation or lack of milk. 

Stay well 🙂

[TigerMumma]

Thanks @UwillbeOK. She already seems so grown up to me and like I missed out on really experiencing that newborn stage, but I guess when you look at it 11 years on, I'm still in the baby stage! You're so right; best to enjoy her now as she is rather than stress about the past. Easier said than done sometimes though!