Lived Experience Forum

[Alec_29]

Hi everyone

I don't know how to start this but I have extremely low self esteem & sense of self worth but my dad has always been emotionally abusive(sometimes Physically) and I hate myself and think i'm stupid and worthless etc. But this post is about my relationship with my friends. I have known them since year 8 and i'm in about to finish yr 11 they don't respect me at all. They post photos of me on Facebook without my permission and i have asked many times for them to stop but they just laugh and tell me its funny that im overreacting and tell me to shut up because apparently i love getting my life turned into a joke. The nickname they gave me in year 8 is the only thing they will call me my entire school calls me the nickname and no one is allowed to say my actual name because its a swear word and they make a joke out of everything in my life i have many chronic illnesses that really affect my life and they make jokes about them. Im allergic to cats i told them this and they put cat hair on me threw my friends cat at me and made it crawl over me when i was sleeping they keep doing it and laughing even when i was red and itchy and my eyes were so sore they steal my stuff out of my pocket and locker and hide it they run away from me they invite me out them passively hint that they don't want me to come. they make fun of all my problems they wont listen to me or listen to my opinion if i have an issue i cant talk to them about it i have literally begged them to stop doing the things they do and they just laugh and say that i'm over reacting and that i do like it its gotten to the point where i just go along with the joke because its easier. Im also transgender and about to transition and the first thing they told me when i told them was that they were still gonna call me the nickname instead of the name i picked out. i cant answer questions they ask because i'm afraid that they will make a joke out of it and i cant trust them ever she asked if i liked Justin Bieber and i couldn't do it because i feel like she wants to make me feel bad. But the issue is i think the arguments are my fault I call one of the friends in particular mean names and i react very poorly to her annoying me or bullying me i call her fat and stupid because she's an easy target i only do this in retaliation to the above i get angry and lose it and I have explained to her many times I don't mean it that I'm sorry and that I just lose control and that its not an excuse but i need them to listen to me once in a while and i feel terrible i'm no better than them or my dad but i feel like its my fault and i have tried to not be there friends but it doesnt last i keep crawling back for some reason just like i did when me dad was abusive i still forgaive him.

i know im at fault for a lot of it sorry for the rant

[marchhare]

Hi Alec_29,

It is Marchhare here. I am one of the forum moderators. Welcome to the SANE forums. It sounds as if you are getting bullied at school and you say you have low self esteem and self worth. I am very sorry to hear that. Hopefully the forum members will respond to your post. There is a lot of empathy and wisdom in these forums.

Additionally have you been in touch with the Kids Helpline. They have web and telephone support for young people 24 hours a day. There is also Headspace that might be a good resource for you to access.

You say you are transgender. There are transgender support services in Australia that you may consider accessing. It can be lonely when you are young and being bullied. Also have you been talking to your school counsellor about your problems at school. They might also be a resource you can use. 

Take care and once again welcome to the SANE forums.

Marchhare

[Ellu]

Dear Alec_29,

I am so sorry you are having such a bad time. I,too, was bullied at school, all through high school. Because I was academically gifted the other kids called me "Brain", and it was not meant in a nice way. They went out of their way to make me feel uncomfortable. I had no friends at school at all, and I refuse to go to any of the school reunions because I don't want to remember the terrible time I had. I have written off that part of my life and tried to put it behind me. You are most certainly not at fault. You are dealing with a bunch of immature, nasty people who are using you as a target.

Have you spoken to the school counsellor? He/she can be very useful in talking things over, as well as being a friendly support in a toxic environment. Follow up the suggestions marchhare made in her post. There are a number of organisations which can help you - either through chat lines or through posting on forums such as this one.

It is not your fault. Do you really want to be the type of person who is bullying you? You are a unique individual, you have powerful attributes and talents, and one day you will meet others with whom you can share your life. Here is some homework. Sit down with a pen and a piece of paper and write down all the things about you which are good and positive, Make a list of all your achievements and all the things you have to be proud about. Don't leave out anything. Then when you are next feeling down, take out the piece of paper and read it to remind yourself that you are a worthwhile, valuable person.

Stuff the bullies, they are like a pack of dogs snapping at your heels. You are much more than that. See the counsellor, and if things get really out of hand ask to be referred to  a psychologist. You don't have to be sick to see a psychologist, you may just want to talk over your situation with a trained professional who is non-judgemental and an help you deal with your issues.In any case, talk to SOMEONE! You don't need to go on feeling the way you do. All the best!

Ellu

[Isla]

Dear Alec29

I hear what you're saying and I think you provided your own answer in the second line - low self esteem. I've been there and would like to share my experiences of what I found helpful.

Think of someone that you respect, personality or a celebrity and ask yourself 'would he/she think this behaviour from so-called friends is acceptable?

Support is vital. Research what's available to you. School counsellor and your doctor to begin with. Other possibilities may be Mental Illness Fellowship (SA, VIC etc), Disability Services, Mind.

Building your self esteem is critical and it's also the answer. When you think more of yourself, you will inevitably treat yourself well. Others will see the new you and either you won't even want to hang around them or they'll move onto someone else who will allow themselves to psychologically abused -which is what bullying is.

What good things are you currently getting out of these friendships?

You've made it this far, it shows you're more resilient than you give yourself credit for, good on you. Recognise your strengths, they are there, journal them. You have the ability overcome this difficult period in your life and become a much stronger person for it.

[Decadian]

Hi @Alec_29

Your Dad has abused you physically and emotionally and given you the false idea that you are stupid and worthless - and both of these are wrong to begin with

You are not stupid. How can I tell? Well - I can read what you have written and this indicates you are a person of thought who can write well - not everyone can do that - so this is a good sign of intelligence

And no one is worthless - maybe your father thinks that but he is wrong - every soul on this earth ever has had value - and it is a terrible thing to have your parent consider you without value - and it takes a lot of building up in self-esteem to get rid of the parental bite -

Many of us here know the parental bite - it's the DVD in our brain that we have heard all our live. It's loud and to many abusive and incorrect

You need some help to get out of this - and certainly not the bullies at school.

We can be mature people with good self-esteem and still get crap thrown at us from social media - you can block those people - if you need help finding out how I can tell you. And you can learn to ignore them - you don't want them as your friends

I don't know enough to comment much on your being trans - if you are then the time will come when you will be a different person and  make different rules to live by - if you are not then you will learn this and become a different person with different rules to live by - so I guess I am saying that although I don't understand it I accept it - and whatever way we choose to live - we make our rules about what we will accept

Yes - you do need to get some help - with your school councellor, Beyong Blue, Head Space - you can ring Life Line 13 11 14 - and they can give you directions to find help

And people accept you here

You have made a mistake in letting your frustration out on the wrong person - you can make restitution there and not do that again. It is better to have few friends who understand than many who make your life a living hell

And when being teased or given a hard time verbally - don't argue - walk off - I can tell you from my own experience - giving someone the last word is extremely powerful - what else can they say when you refuse to be in the stupidity game of name-calling

I am so glad you found us

Decadian