Lived Experience Forum

[outlander]

i have to do the horses tomorrow as well @Former-Member and from sat onwards my work with the horses have increased abit more as a few people have decided to go on holidays. i dont mind i need to save for alot of things so abit of an influx of work here and there works well.

im not to sure, im kinda taking it as each day comes. things seem to change so quickly around here i barely have time to catch my breath. im not even sure about outlander time at the moment, it doesnt feel worth it.

youve had some rather busy weeks too so a quiet week might be nice. if the weathers good maybe take holly for a short walk....

[outlander]

even though its hurtful he doesnt get it, he forgets alot. thursdays appointment is to find out the next step in a diagnosis. ive already had an earful of that so i may as well keep going now. some of the things hes said when i got back has made me question whether im even doing the right thing by him in this regard too.
my mother wont talk to him, i dont think she knows how to either really. she just tells me the be nicer, or change my attitude or the likes when i tell her things because with dementia he will become more sensitive and ill sound aggressive even if im not etc etc

i feel bad for talking about him like this or anyone else.

[outlander]

Im sorry 😞
My posts sound rather awful even though im not meaning them to be. I dont want to ruin everything here too.
This isnt how I wanted to come back after what was suppose to be a fun weekend

[Sans911]

If it's due to dementia and he forgets what he says soon after, then yes only kindness and understanding will work. I'm not putting down your pop at all, because I know older people find it incredibly difficult and challenging when they loose their independence and have to rely on someone to help them out. It is a no win situation. Please don't feel bad, you're just venting here that's all. You need that outlet, and I'm sure you love him because you could have left a long time ago.

We can talk about anything else that you want it instead of this. I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable @outlander

[outlander]

No youve not made me feel uncomfortable at all @Sans911 i really need an outlet and i appreciate this space so much. My brain goes into like this worry mode when i talk about others. Like people make themselves look bad and hurtful and everything i say isthe truth here even if i dont want it to be.. Umm im having trouble explaining it but i get the feeling you have an idea on what im talking about... im not even sure if that makese sense?

Its kinda strange he snaps at me alot and then he forget but then he will bring it up again. Its upsetting and relentless. Im really stuck between i really want to walk away from it all and no i think i should stay.

[outlander]

Im so worried about loosing you guys too. I worry always that my posts are either awful or pushing yous away even when im not trying to

[Sans911]

That's the terrible state of dementia that makes it so hard to care for them lil Sis. The relentless and repetitive barrage of criticism. Hopefully the GP can help you somehow. At some point you will need respite as he will become more difficult to manage.

Your posts are your reality hun. They are your life, and the frustrations, challenges and trials of what you have to deal with on a daily basis. They're not awful; they just are what they are. Sometimes I get frustrated as I want to come and fix things, but sometimes the one thing you need is from me and others is to listen without judgement.

You're not going to loose me. I'm going to be here for you, and for me for some time. Years probably. I need you as much as you need me. And I actually like spending time with you regardless. You're a great person to talk to, you're talented and smart, and just good to hang out with.

@outlander

[outlander]

I hope the gp can help to. Atm he is still willing to do as the dr says not without the complaints but still agrees so i guess that is a good thing @Sans911
I doubt respite will happen for a long time. I still have everyone else too along with pop. I wouldn't know what to do with myself if i didnt have to help someone else out.

Thank you for being here and @Former-Member too. My heart hurts a little less when im here talking to you guys ❤❤❤

[Former-Member]

Beautifully said @Sans911 .. hear .. hear. All very true @outlander .  And you wont lose me either, if I have any choice in the matter. Please continue to talk here, as its so important to know you have an outlet. You have not been disrespectful about your Pop, merely telling things as they are. In my voluntary work at the nursing home I see many residents with dementia or alzhiemers. They are so hard for family to deal with. And unfortunately my Mum is definitely developing dementia too, though is in denial about it. She can hide it from some, but its becoming much more difficult for her to do so now. I hope your follow up apts with your pops GP can result in some addnl support for both your pop and for you, as his carer.

Sherry 💕

[outlander]

Did i also tell yous i got accepted into an online course. I have to let them know tomorrow. Goes for 12 weeks and because an assessment was due on a few days if i confirm then i will have a few extra days extension to catch up on the topic first