Lived Experience Forum

[mhsw]

hi, 

i was diagnosed with depression and PTSD fifteen years ago... The diagnoses has changed over time during my recovery journeys - Major Dep Disorder, Complex Trauma, .... I have had a few close friends by my side ....mostly  one on one as they see fit ... When they've had time - the struggle has been lonely, recovery in secrecy... 

Recently a a good friend in our circle has had repeat surgery for breast cancer - the friendship network has set up a whatsapp support forum, roster of care, cooking schedule , regular visits to hospital

I realise that  the need for care is not different to my own - but people shy away , they don't ring because they don't know what to say, they don't visit because the spirit of me is not there 

i look forward to that time in our society when Mental Illness is recognised and accepted as much as physical cancers - it's a cancer of the thought and mind - that eats away the purpose and hope - minute by minute ...

[darkelf]

Hi there, supportive friendships are so important. I have been diagnosed with a variety of mental illnesses and I am very grateful for the friends I have now. They see me for who I am not all this medical stuff. One thing that hurt like hell at the time but now am thankful for. Talking about my journey with supposed friends scared a lot of people away, even those who I had up until that point, trusted dearly. I guess it was a process of weeding out those people who couldn't deal with what I was going through. As I said at the time it was awful, but those who could tough it out with me stayed and those who had issues disappeared into whatever they were occupied with in their lives. I am now blessed with good people in my space, warts and all, and whatever happens I know I can depend on my circle of friends these days to ask "are you alright?". This is a stark difference to the hangers on, the party people, the ones who had nothing better to do....oh there have been plenty! Not much in dealing with people is efficient, but if I say "hey, Iv'e been diagnosed with chronic schizophrenia, I am a recovering alcoholic and live in a ministry flat..." yep, that sorts em out real fast!

[Fancy_Pants]

hi @mhsw,

I completely agree that society still needs to work hard on understanding the nature of MI and how to support people, actually I was sent this article by a friend the other day

if only others went to this much effort to understand

how have others gotten through this, were your friends supportive? and what have you told them?

[BlueBay]

Hi @mhsw

I agree that its a big part of recovery in having close friends who truly understand mental illness.  For me I have a few close friends but one in particular told me a few years ago that she couldn't hear me talk about it anymore and that all I thought of was myself.  Well that hurt me so much; I stopped talking to her for a little while and waited until she contacted me again.  Now I really watch what I say to her and not go overboard, but it is hard to know when to stop.

I soon realised who my 'friends' were when I needed them. Some kept away forever and not just friends but family members as well.

I agree with you that it would be fantastic if MI was recognised as a physcial illness and people were treated the same.

[mhsw]

Hello

thank you for the replies...

i I consider that disclosing mental illness requires the same degree of consideration as any other personal issue or physical illness that we might have ... 

On occasions when I have been very unwell, I have lacked sufficient control and or insight - that has caused me to overlook the experiences of others ... I have possibly transgressed on what some of my friends considered acceptable or appropriate. I have list some friends because of this. 

I have mourned the losses, been angry at them and often criticised myself severely.... 

But with time, maturity and patience have cultivated a practice to be compassionate towards my own failings and then to forgive them for theirs. I have now acquired a lovely circle of friends- although relatively new - I have disclosed that I suffer from chronic depression and what the symptoms might mean to being an active friend in the group - such as not being comfortable in large groups, alcohol consumption with meds, proximity to men, and inability to have late nights... And the need to feel I belong while and the same time not having energy to participate 

They understand. But more importantly I understand myself better- and don't feel that there is something wrong with me because I can't have fun in the way they do - I talk about things that I like - walking, gardening, lead lighting...these are my pursuits just as as worthy - even though I do them by myself... Hey if Bethoven didn't enjoy solitude we wouldn't have symphony 5 or if  Dvorak didn't go through depression we wouldn't have The New Wirkd score ... So I look at what my depression helps me to produce ...

we use technology - whatsapp group to stay connected, one on one coffee rather than group dinners, long walks together than pub evenings, that's what supportive friends do - make adjustments and see your strengths and for my part I don't beat myself up... I am now my best friend as well. Good luck to all

[mhsw]

Meant New World by Dvorak ... My most favourite symphony

[Appleblossom]

Hello @mhsw

Your posts show a lot of consideration, reflection and insight.

I also have a big soft spot for lead-light and 2 my brother made.

I havent felt I always had that much control about disclosing issues regarding mental ilness.  The issues have been too pressing and essential to life.  I have learned not to disclose or react to issues within my teaching, but also gradually come to realise how extreme my circumstances actually were.

Generally I chose openness rather than to be closed off. It seemed the best alternative for me to have some sense of life and trust, rather than shut down my whole personality in self-protectiveness.  Disclosing has certainly left me vulnerable to judgment, rejection and bullying, so I am trying to exercise more discretion now that my physical circumstances are more stable and I have hindsight on a lot of my life's issues.

All I want from friends is to be able to share walks, talk, music, and have an odd coffee or film. I also became isolated due to accumulation of health and emotional issues, so am learning to break out of that isolation.  Getting a fit that can allow true friendship to flower has not been that easy for me.  Even on just the walking, some people can only walk 100 metres, others want to power walk 10 kms, levels of fitness vary so much. Then there is the realm of opinion and ideas. At least I am more philosophical about the need to make friends now.  I have come to terms with being a bit of a loner and I do have enough casual social contact.  Genuine friends would be lovely... still looking....