Lived Experience Forum

[MorningSilence]

Hi y’all! Well here it goes! I was diagnosed a month ago and I’m having a hard time doing day to day things. I know some of it is the meds.But no energy and isolation has been hard. I was, what I thought, high functioning. My therapist said he doesn’t know how I made it this far. I was on a roller coaster for as early as I can remember. 

My mom had post partum depression and I stayed with my grandparents for the first couple years. I had a loving family and 2 siblings born 8 &9 years after me. I’ve tried most street drugs to keep my body up with my mind, most of my life. But I had a good job, great kids, great friends, until the biggest manic episode I’ve ever had hit. 

After attempting suicide for the umpteenth time, I got help. 

Now I’m numb. Starting to come out of this haze, but having no idea where to go from here. I’m not the same person anymore. I don’t know how to handle that. 

Thank you ✌🏻

[Lunar]

Hello @MorningSilence

A very warm welcome to the forums it is nice to meet you 🙂

It sounds like you have been through an awful lot with your family and your mental health, and recently a huge change. It does seem like a lot of the feeling numb and in a haze since being in hospital could be due to the medication, have you been able to have a review of that recently with a psychiatrist? as when you are feeling so low in energy would really not be helping at the moment.

It is great that you are reaching out on the forums for some much needed support, you might like to also Introduce Yourself here, it can be a good way of getting to know other forum members.

I look forward to getting to know you better,

Lunar

[MorningSilence]

Thank you @Lunar

I actually saw my primary doctor today and psychiatrist tomorrow. I’m not sure where to go from here. I was such an outgoing girl and now  that is far from the case. Like a baby learning to crawl. He doubled my dosage today and wants me to talk to him about not having energy to barely get dressed. ✌🏻

[frog]

Hi @MorningSilence I can relate somewhat. I got the same diagnosis at 47, 30 years after it first showed up. I had a fairly spectacular manic episode and ended up in hospital. It was a shock and it changed me. 3 years on things are better. It took a year to really accept, another year to get meds right, and another year to finally start moving towards where I want to be. It's never going to be a comfortable situation but I feel like I have a little more control of my life. You sound high functioning to me. You sound capable of getting through this, learning to cope. It can be better than coping in time. I hope you can find good health professionals. I was lucky, though again it took time. Take care. There are genuine, accepting people in abundance on the forum who get it.

[MorningSilence]

Thank you for the kind words @frog! I had been so afraid of this, I called my doctor 7 times in the past 3 weeks. I finally came to the conclusion that I could do this naturally. No meds. The side effects have been tremendous on my system. So I meditated, exercised, cleaned, and journaled. I knew I could do this without anything. 

Then I suddenly made a list of the pros and cons. (I’ve never sat down and really thought about making a decision through) 

It hit me like a ton of bricks. I do have to have this medicine. I can’t go back to that anymore. I have so many intense life experiences, that may not have happened, if not for this illness. 

But also great and deep pain. 

I told my doctor today that I am not a quitter. I just need to find normal. 

I’m having a really hard time with this slow of a pace of life right now.

He turned to me and smiled and said that he knows I’m going to get well. He’s been my doctor for 15 years and to finally be able to feel open enough to him and admit what’s wrong has been very liberating. 

(Just ready to get back to work) ✌🏻🦋🌺