08-07-2017 07:22 PM
08-07-2017 07:22 PM
How do I come clean to my Mrs about how I am currently travelling? We use the traffic light system (green is good, yellow is so so and red is kaput). I am more yellow headed towards red, but I tell her green because I don't want to upset her.
I've been sleeping ridiculous hours because it is the only time I don't feel tormented. Apparently I've been talking in my sleep a lot too about demons and things like that. I feel like I can't concentrate properly on anything and am often floating here and there about a million things at once.
Thankfully the kids have gone back to their Dad's for now because I feel like I can let my guard down just that little bit. I never know what they make of me. Today we took them to a candy warehouse and they they were all smiles, so who knows?
I feel like I want to take some time out, but my Mrs always plans all these activities so that I keep busy (which I guess I need too). Thing is there is no time to be unwell, I just have to muddle through no matter what. I feel like I am letting her down all the time. I can't help it if my voices want me to harm others and self destruct myself at the same time. I don't get it, I don't particularly feel anything other than this blackness which has enveloped me. I've found myself being irritable for no real reason. I love her and don't want to lose her.
I also feel like this is all my fault. A month ago, the carer's counsellor wanted to push for respite against my will and I finally managed to put that idea to bed. Now I am screaming for respite myself. I actually WANT to go now. What does this mean? I'm afraid to say I need the help, as she always thinks I want to leave her for some reason, which of course is completely false.
How do I come clean and get my needs looked after and get her to understand that she shouldn't take it so personally? I don't want this to escalate into a hospital admission again where I was for a month last time.
08-07-2017 08:39 PM
08-07-2017 08:39 PM
08-07-2017 09:20 PM
08-07-2017 09:20 PM
08-07-2017 10:16 PM
08-07-2017 10:16 PM
09-07-2017 08:22 AM
09-07-2017 08:22 AM
I am watching this with great intrest. I feel that i cant tell my wife how Iam feeling. I know that she would support me but I feel if I tell her then it gets more real and then there is no hidding and I cant just tuff it out and wate for it to pass this time.
09-07-2017 11:00 AM
09-07-2017 11:00 AM
I tried to tell her, but just couldn't bring myself to. It's kind of pathetic really isn't it?
09-07-2017 04:35 PM
09-07-2017 04:35 PM
09-07-2017 05:13 PM
09-07-2017 05:13 PM
I hinted that we check out where the respite place actually is, so we are doing a drive by tomorrow. I haven't told her I want to go though. I've made it about her by telling her she can tell her carer's counsellor that she has checked out some services.
10-07-2017 02:01 PM
10-07-2017 02:01 PM
Hello Queenie,
I don't know which thread I should put this in, and I know your struggling; I don't want you to feel any obligation to answer this. I was just wondering - have you ever heard your own voice?
10-07-2017 04:16 PM
10-07-2017 04:16 PM
Hello @Former-Member, I have my own internal monologue which is separate from my voices and that everyone has. I don't hear it however, it is just thoughts inside my head. I hope that answers your question 🙂
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