Lived Experience Forum

[saltandpepper]

@Bow What about bringing your mum into an appointment with your psych? Is that something you'd consider? You can talk it over with your psych before hand and agree on what you will and won't disclose.

And look, I get it, being in control is my kryptonite. But say you hand over your medication to your mum. Do you trust her to do the right thing by you? Do you believe she only wants what is best for you? Do you believe she is willing and wants to help in any way she can? Perhaps it's ok to lose some control to people we love and trust? And it could even be seen as gaining support, help, not losing something.

What if you agreed on a trial run? See how it goes with Mum dealing with the medication side of things for a couple of weeks and if you're not happy about it, reassess.

It might also help (if you end up moving forward) to express your concerns to your mother, and give her that insight so she can understand how important being in control of something in your recovery is to you. Maybe this is something you can work out together?

I hope you find a solution that you're comfortable with @Bow wishing you all the best

[Bow]

will just tag @saltandpepper @chibam @Peri @TideisTurning @Former-Member @Snowie for replying ages ago and thank you for your input. i do appreciate it.

i posted this and then disappeared for a bit, but wanted to come back to it cause its still very much something that i am needing to face. Although tonight has been challenging, i am generally in a better place safety wise, but my ED continues to be out of control, with me passing out and having another short hospital stay and mum having very little clue as to what happened and why. I got asked numerous times while in there if i had spoken to my mum yet. and the answer was always no. 

So i am still faced with the dillema of deciding whether to talk to my parent or not. I chatted with my peer worker today when i seen her and i mentioned it briefly. the cirumstances that i am in are very challenging and there is no easy solution to it, but by remaining in my current situation i am feel like its keeping me stuck. 

if i was to disclose to my folks the full extent of what has been happening, they would be worried, they would fuss over me and make me do things that i do not want to do. and then i am scared that things will be relaxed and then they will stop caring and then things will be forgotten about again. this is what happened when i was in hospital for a week before christmas. mum made a fuss when i first came home, but then as the days went on, she cared less and less. i get it, they have their own stuff to deal with. they dont need to carry the burden of this too. 

i decided to talk to a friend about some of the stuff that i am struggling with. my dietitian suggested this. she said that i need safe people to talk to. So i asked a friend whether she would be willing to check in with me on a regular basis, encourage me, and to not bring up her own body issues or talk about diets. (I had a friend bring up things that hugely triggered me). she was more than happy to be that person, but i am still not fully honest with her. there are things that ive only really told health professionals, ED behaviours that ive been too shamed to admit to anyone else. 

im sorry i probably havent made a  great deal of sense. just a whole heap of rambling tonight. i feel very alone. im in a house full of people, yet i feel so very alone. 

[Bow]

sorry @saltandpepper wanted to answer your questions, but i forgot! inviting my mum to a therapy session feels so freaking scary! i like the idea of having a conversation with my psych before about what is and isnt ok to talk about, but it would still feel so out of control. who knows what my mum would say!?!?

I remember after my first appointment with my dietitian, my mum asked how it went and she gave me all this attitude and made all these comments about dietitians not agreeing to her ways of eating etc. right there in that moment i knew taking her to an appointment with my dietitian would not be happening!

thinking hard on what you said.... maying losing control to people we love and trust is ok........

thanks again

[Snowie]

Hi @Bow 

I agree it is hard to open up to people hon. Even harder when they are close to us.

I hope today goes ok for you sweetie.

Take care of you 💜

[Bow]

Thanks @Snowie 

rejection is real. Fear. I read back over what you replied earlier. You are so brave. I admire yours strength. And it was reassuring to read and know that someone else gets a weeks supply of meds only. I feel like a nuisance going down there every week, I take my little bag and hand it over. They are so nice, but doesn't stop me feeling like such a waste of space. 

[Snowie]

Thanks @Bow but I don't feel brave.

I can only have a weeks supply of meds at a time. Then they are locked up and H gives them to me daily. It is the safest way to do it.

You are right, rejection is fear. It is extremely hard to open up to anyone for the fear that they won't accept you anymore. 

[Peri]

Dear @Bow .

i think you made a great deal of sense. I get how complex and difficult EDs are, it must be very hard to deal with this largely on your own.  I think it is very challenging for parents to fully accept and to deal with.  I am glad that you have a friend with whom you can take into your confidence.

would your dad be able to be more supportive in appointments than your mum?

i don’t think your parents will stop caring but maybe they don’t fully accept what the problem is or how the illness progresses?

is there a professional who could talk to them and assist them in being able to provide you with the right kind of support?

how do you manage your food? What do you find most challenging ?

i hope you do talk to your parents, it sounds like you need more support to get through this 

take care and keep posting 

peri

[Bow]

Oh @Snowie you are so much braver than you believe. All that you gave every day.... 

[Former-Member]

Hi @Bow 

sorry to hear you are still struggling with being able to open up. Fear stops us from moving forward and becoming the person you want to be. I agree with @Peri @Snowie putting your trust in someone else mybe your dad if you feel judged too much by your mother is a step towards being open and honest and being able to ask for help.  You can do this 🌻🌺

[Bow]

@Former-Member Sometimes I think the longer that I leave it the harder it gets. I thought my hospital admission last week would of been the perfect opportunity to tell Mum, but I didn't do it and now it feels too late.