Lived Experience Forum

[DJMasters]

@JP81 Feeling for you, I have been in the same boat as you, no friends outside of the work circle.  It wasn't an easy choice I will be honest, but making the move to leave was probably the wisest choice I had to make.  all the fears like you mentioned came in, but in the end I needed to do it, to keep me from getting worse.  Depending on your skills and what you are interested in, will determine where you go and what new job you want to do.  Think about what you enjoy doing and there are opportunities in that field.  And it could be an avenue to create new friendships.  

My dog was my comfort during the times I struggled, and at the end I just kept holding onto the hope that something better is coming and it eventually did.

Know you are never alone here, and at anytime you can share, know you won't be judged but supported in getting through your challenges.

Hope this can give you some peace and confidence 🙂

[JP81]

@Appleblossom 

im glad to hear you have support 

what is NDIS? 
Its not so bad where i am thank goodness. 

I shall look at the dog thread ☺️☺️
thanking you and stay safe too ☺️

[JP81]

@Powderfinger 

Am glad to hear you have some support.

It isnt easy reaching out. I feel you have done a great job by being on this forum and talking to others. 
I to am used to doing things alone too snd i agree with deeply ingrained. Thats is cptsd- ingrained shit . 

id like to have look thanks 🙂 

i will pop on over ☺️☺️

[Powderfinger]

@JP81 thank you. I hate this illness. It robs me of do much. I'm tired of telling to mental health professionals too. Feel like a lab rat sometimes. 

I believe being on thus forum is the only thing keeping me alive right now. It's nice talking to you. 

[Appleblossom]

@DJMasters @JP81 @Powderfinger 

Being on the forum was the main thing that kept me going until I finally had NDIS, which I waited until 59 to get.

My son had NDIS but found it too hard and threw it all away.  I am not sure how things will unfold for him, but there are many important issues for younger folk.  For me being older it was not such a big stretch to say I was disabled, because by my age most accumulate a few issues.  For young men it would be especially dificult, as there is i) strength rather than weakness is an important and trickier issue for the masculine identity ii) at that stage of life cycle establishing oneself and finding one's strengths to do so ... is critical.  Somehow that runs counter to the NDIS requirement of documenting the worst day and the worst case, and focussing on all the things that are wrong rather than what is going right.

I had a complex up bringing with many complex and different forms of neglect and abuse.  It was way before the concepts of "trauma informed" and CPTSD were around.  Somehow I survived though many did not.

Loneliness is a big issue, and I endured it for a long time, but recent books published about the benefits of introversion, and an offhand comment in a therapy session that offended me at the time.  "If you only have one to worry about thats easier." I am rejigging my mindset, from having to solve all my social problems, get better at it and all that, (taking responsibility for both sides of the equation) to accepting my personality and past as the best adaption to my circumstances, not giving myself such a hard time AND raising my expectations and developing more armour about how I handle socialisation from now .. 

I am reclaiming my ability to function alone as a resilience feature rather than an aberration.

Not sure if that makes sense to you guys?

Have a good day all.

Apple

[Powderfinger]

@Appleblossom I want to respond to this and will do at some point today. I'm just sorting through my muddled head. 

[Powderfinger]

@Appleblossom 

One thing jumped out at me from your response. 

"Rejigging your mind to solve all your social problems". Constant battle for me being an introvert and highly sensitive. 

I've stopped listening to people now. I need too. I need to find myself. I'm so tired of the bull shit that has been fed to me. I want to make my own mind up about things and do what I feel comfortable with. 

I can't stand too many rules being imposed on me. I am extremely uncomfortable in large groups. I don't need a damn label. I just don't like it, because I don't. Not everything is about a bloody mental illness. I actually find big groups so damn boring. Most people in them are extroverts who sometimes have no idea about introverts. I'm slowly learning to celebrate my introverted nature. I got tired of it being a problem. 

It's very rare I actually find anyone I want to hang out with or spend time with. Yeah that does suck but it's how I am. I seem to be becoming more introverted as I get older. 

[JP81]

@Powderfinger @Appleblossom 

That was a lot to read. 

hmm

im happy with my lack of social problems, so i actually see it as not a problem at all. 
People tend to anoy me and trigger me in a lot if different ways. 
I like to choose very carefully whim interact with these days. 

Quiet, alone time is amazing. Its gives my mind the space and time it needs to process the days events. Time for my body to rest from all the anxious energy its been been thru. 
My loneliness sparks up often, but i think its because on really bad days i just want to be huggec and held. No words needed. Just that physical touch where i can feel protected and safe. Without that person needing to or trying to understand. 

Im a hermit and it suits me just fine these days ☺️☺️

Do what feels right, comfortable and safe for you in any moment . 

xx

[Appleblossom]

@Powderfinger @JP81 

Its good you are both at home with yourselves being alone.  I was just unpacking the topic a little.  Sorry if I go on. 

Stay Safe and Take Care

Apple

[Powderfinger]

@JP81 as long as you are happy being, that is all that counts. A hug is always nice, finding the right person to hug is even better.