Welcome @lostNclueless ,
Thank you for sharing a little about yourself.
I hear how hard things are for you right now. At the same time, it's incredible to read about the things that really drive you.
I have first-hand experience of BPD, and it took me many years to jump on the bandwagon of recovery.
I have to say, the most helpful therapy for me was MBT. It seemed to have long lasting effects, even though it didn't feel very effective when going through it. Elements of DBT and ACT were also helpful.
I cannot emphasise the power of peer support. When I was acutely unwell, I was introduced to a peer worker while in hospital. We continued to meet up after my discharge as part of my outreach community support. Just being able to share and hear experiences was enough to grant me the hope and energy to continue.
This was why I joined these forums also. I found my biggest growth in the area of peer support.
What supports do you have around you @lostNclueless ?
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