Time away from forums

[Jynx]

Hey @creative_writer! Yeah absolutely, I dimly recall reading about it being a known biological phenomenon that we will alter our behaviour around kids - the higher voice, getting down to their level, shifting our communication style to be more simplistic, etc. - so it makes sense that it feels easier to be nurturing to our inner child as opposed to our adult-wise-mind. I think there's a nice middle ground to be found though, between the vaguely condescending tone of an adult speaking to a child, and the harsh tone of our inner critic... I think the best way to find this balanced tone would be to imagine you're chatting to a close friend! 

How's your day been? You still feeling unwell/WFH?

[creative_writer]

@Jynx maybe I can start off with talking to the inner child, maybe it’ll become easier once I progress to talking to my adult self. I don’t think I’m ready to talk to the adult me yet. It is true we change our communication with children and even pets (because they’re kids too).

I have been rather congested, so headachy as a result. Might need to use those awful nasal sprays for allergies. I have a lot of allergies. I did go in today and will be going in tomorrow too. I’ve been feeling more headachy lately, and have had more auras. I’m grateful my auras tend to be short lived, can’t exactly do placement with blind spots

[Jynx]

@creative_writer just had a funny little mental image of you sitting there with a client, kinda squinty, and just saying 'I'm so sorry I really am trying to concentrate on your words but could you... maybe... be less blurry?" 🤣🤣 Ach but for real though, it's hard enough we gotta navigate this whacky world but we gotta inhabit a BODY too? But that's where all the owwies are! I hope it is just hayfever stuffing up your sinuses and not something more gnarly! 

I think you're making the right choice to take it slow. And yeah, it'll deffo get easier as you go... though it might not feel like that in the moment. I think our inner children can have a lot of wisdom - especially in matters of the heart. Perhaps because children are more instinctual, and operate more on what they want rather than what society expects, which can be really helpful for us to listen to when we're working on our identity and sense of self, in my experience 😉

[creative_writer]

@Jynx I reckon I’m also allergic to mold and dust alongside pollen. Rain encourages mold to grow, it’s been wet in Melbourne lately. My supervisor has allergies, she was talking about how it’s flared up for her, and I also noted how I’ve been rather stuffy lately. Melbourne is awful for allergies. I actually have been struggling to concentrate, I struggle on a normal day, then the symptoms worsen brain fog. I was not very efficient today, but it’s okay, I’m not an employee and just a student.

Child operate very differently. I used to be a very energetic child who ran around all the time. Instead of walking, I would run. I still fidget a lot, but I have issues with fatigue now, probably due to physical and mental health stuff

[Jynx]

Oh true, allergy season is nuts down here hey @creative_writer. Did you know I never actually had hayfever until I moved here? And that it's apparently not an uncomon thing to happen to folks who move here! Thanks also for the reminder I need to stock up on antihistamines hahaha. 

Brain fog is such a pain. I wish I had some tips for you, but mainly I just operate on setting a billion alarms and hoping I don't forget anything important. It does help though to have language to explain this to others, like "Eep so sorry I forgot to tell you this, my ADHD brain fog has been extra crappy lately." Speaking of which, are you still seeking a possible ADHD diagnosis? 

Why do you reckon you stopped running around? Yes, that is a leading question, because yes, I have a sneaking suspicion it's because the behaviour was admonished and discouraged, because it's wasn't 'proper for a young lady'. But I could be wrong! I can just relate is all, lol. 

[creative_writer]

@Jynx I haven’t found any antihistamine that is effective enough. I find nasal sprays more effective, but I hate the feel of them.

I spoke to my pdoc about ADHD, he doesn’t think going on stimulants is wise due to BPAD and it may trigger manic symptoms. Maybe my tendency to experience mixed states has left him cautious since I do get very suicidal. Without the stimulants I’m not even sure I’ll get much out of the official diagnosis. Though I probably have enough of the criteria according to my psych and pdoc. I do self-medicate on caffeine (particularly in matcha form) and saffron. I don’t think I could live without something to help my brain with braining. I was a very big mess prior increase in tea intake(though it’s far from being a miracle cure) as I used to waste the day paralysed by everything I had to do and rumination used to be worse. I was very unfunctional.

I used to run everywhere instead of walking. I honestly don’t know why I stopped, though it’s a bit odd to only run and not walk. I am a brisk walker though, I’ve been told walking too fast isn’t always lady like, yet I do it anyways

[Jynx]

@creative_writer I hate nasal sprays too, always end up going down the back of my throat. Blech. 

Hmm have you spoken to your pdoc about self-medicating with caffeine? Could be worth a chat just in terms of the option of stimulants might be safer, especially long-term. I can absolutely understand the need for caution and obviously your pdoc knows way more about medications than me, so take it with a grain of salt... but maybe after you finish your placement, you could always give it a trial run? Food for thought!

Yeah I got told sooooo many things I did weren't 'lady-like' and honestly it just made me wanna do them harder.... Like sitting with my knees apart or yawning without covering my mouth. PDA and gender-queerness manifested young hahaha

[creative_writer]

@Jynx I’m stuck in traffic this afternoon.

Had another aura. I’m starting to wonder whether I need to increase my caffeine intake further, keep getting migraines in the afternoon now again. Or maybe I need more saffron. Sometimes I also feel under stimulated on placement and find it very hard to concentrate. I just don’t know if my pdoc is in favour of stimulants, but it won’t hurt to discuss.

I’ve always been stubborn and probably do plenty of unladylike behaviours, but I’m not quite at the tomboy level either, wear far too many dresses and skirts

[Jynx]

@creative_writer oh hun, sounds intense! Do the auras impact how safe you feel whilst driving? Like do they impede your vision at all?

Yeah absolutely worth a discussion, especially if you are finding yourself relying on the caffeine more n more or can't cope without it! I think because it is legal and also extremely common, we can sometimes forget that caffeine is a psychoactive substance with an addiction risk, and can have distinct and lasting health and wellbeing impacts. I know none of this is news to ya, but sometimes it helps us to get a little reminder eh?

I get ya, I was 100% a tomboy as a kid haha. I saw a tumblr post recently about treating gender as a hobby rather than an identity and I quite like the idea... sorta like, we get to pick and choose which aspects of femininity and masculinity we want and which ones we don't care for. And if we don't adhere to others' idea of gender well, that's just not how we engage with the hobby! Like, "You're allowed to be a gender enthusiast but I'm more of a casual gender-practitioner, and I'm just not in the mood to be performative today..." 😋

[creative_writer]

@Jynx I wouldn’t drive when I have one. I did take the bus back at least.

I feel like it was working with concentration for some time, but lately I’ve been feeling lousy.

My style of clothing is very feminine, but it wasn’t always this way. I was never tomboy level, but I used to be less girlish. I was super girly as a tinny toddler and young child, then became less girly, and then again once I became an adult. My dressing style has changed a lot over the years. I was actually so fond or mirrors as a toddler, it was my first word lol 🤣. Things change with age, none of us are static, I think that’s pretty normal. Our identity on a number of levels changes, whether it’s on femininity and masculine scale, or just otherwise