04-12-2019 05:33 AM
It's been a tough time, The good news is I haven't used SH since Saturday, I definitely feel like using SH but I feel am resisting
I'm having a bad time since Monday, I saw my psychologist and in the sessions we got into talking about childhood trauma, sexual abuse by my Father. I never talk about it, I have felt strong emotions since the appointment. I still have a relationship with my Father So I feel stressed out, I have been thinking about SH and suicide but I really want to cope without hurtling myself. I don't know if I have the skills to cope
Sorry for the negativity and all, I just need help to het through this!
04-12-2019 05:45 AM
@Angels333 Hearing you. I had the same from my father, so I know some of what you are feeling.
Firstly, talking about it is a massive step forward. Don’t lose sight of that.
Feeling like SH is understandable. Is your husband with you? Is it something you can let him know you feel like doing atm.
No need to be sorry. This is not your doing.
Sending these 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜
04-12-2019 06:30 AM
@that's good that you haven't sh since Saturday.
I do understand how you must be feeling after your session. I've many times wanted to sh and thoughts if suicude after my sessions when talking about my childhood abuse.
I can imagine it must be so so hard thst you have contact eith your dad. Gee that's very triggering.
pls stay strong. You are strong.
I really feel for @Angels333 ❤️❤️
04-12-2019 06:41 AM
Hey @Maggie I spoke to Mr Angels last night, he was very understanding he's gone to work now.
So sorry to hear that you went through the same things xxxx
Hey @BlueBay Yes it's tough having him in my life. It is a good thing that they live in a different state. I find dealing with the abuse to be so hard. Sorry that you too suffered from childhood abuse xxxx
05-12-2019 01:31 AM
Hi @Angels333. I'm sorry that I haven't been around.
Talking about things can make them feel fresh and upsetting again, but it's such a huge step forward; as is your reduction in SH.
I'm glad you talked to Mr Angels. Keep talking to him, it seems like you've got a great support there.
You're such a strong, amazing person. Sending 💜💜💜
05-12-2019 04:31 AM
Your reply means so much to me, I have been so down because of Monday's session with my psychologist where we talked about my trauma. Your message cheered me up.
It's been 4 days since I have used SH and I think about it almost all the time, I have had an increase in suicidal thoughts that is stressing me out.
Anyway, How are you going @Molliex how are you coping now that the funeral has happened?
Love Angels333 xxxx
05-12-2019 06:11 AM
It's totally understandable that you're feeling that way after your session @Angels333. I can't imagine talking or thinking about your past trauma is very pleasant. But talking about it with a professional you trust is huge step x
SH/SI is very hard to deal with. It's incredibly draining. But you're still here. You have reduced SH,. And you are posting and reaching out for support. I'm proud of you 💜 🌻💚
I'm tired Angels. This year has been so awful. Unfortunately due to smoke pollution, my asthma has come back and I've been struggling with respiratory problems. I've had a few panic attacks because of it. My pdoc prescribed new meds, so let's see how it goes.
Even when I'm not around, I'm thinking of you🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻
25-01-2020 08:24 AM
Hey @Molliex , I'm good thanks. I haven't used self harm since mid November, that's a good thing in itself. I still have the trauma/PTSD to work through and at times it manifests itself in debilitating anxiety. I haven't seen my psychologist since 16th December but I will see him on the 29th, this coming Wednesday. I have a lot to unpack surrounding seeing my family over Christmas. My Father is an abuser and that's the crux of my MH suffering it's a very messy family dynamic where appearances are kept up and the real issues are swept under the rug.
Apart from that stuff, I have hurt my shoulder and am having an MRI today. I'm a swimming instructor so I am putting stress on the shoulder joint all the time, I am Hoping something shows up to explain the pain, so that it can maybe be fixed.
I have good news re son 2, he just finished his NSW HSC and didn't want to go to uni like Son 1 did ( son 1 is in his final year) anyway he got a job as an apprentice in the field he loves, I would love to tell you more about it but I have to respect his privacy, but Mr Angels and I are thrilled for him to be so happy. My youngest D1 is doing her HSC this year all my kids are growing up and making lives for themselves 💜.
I have to make an appointment with my psychiatrist but I will wait until I have some more money, I have a lot of bills atm. When I was unwell last year I had 2 admissions and was seeing my psychiatrist on a weekly basis.
Aahhh! So good I talked to you @Molliex I just remembered that if I see my Psychiatrist on Thursday's I don't have to pay as I'm at the hospital for DBT and I'm classed as an inpatient! I'll book an appointment this week.
How are you going @Molliex I have noticed that you have managed to also get control of your self harm. That is fantastic news xx How are you otherwise? For me the SH was such an outward expression of an internal pain, that without it I am forced to address the issues causing the pain, it's a rough road 😣
Well it's been a long post, thanks for asking how I am it is really nice to know you're out there thinking about me,
Much love Angels333 💜💙💚💛🧡❤
25-01-2020 10:35 PM
Hi @Angels333. Thanks for taking the time to write such a detailed update.
I'm so proud of you for no SH. I know how hard it is to deal with. You're amazing 💪
Congrats to your son on his apprenticeship! No wonder you're proud. I hope he does well 💙
That's good you get to see your psychiatrist this week. I can only imagine you've got a lot to get out and work through. I saw my psychologist this week for the first time since early December, and the poor guy just got hit with 6 weeks of pent up emotions 😂
Hopefully your shoulder isn't too serious. Sending good vibes your way @Angels333.
I'm up and down. Definitely not at the lowest point that I was August-November last year, but I still have my challenges. Meds are still a work in progress. My asthma and breathing issues aren't helping my anxiety. It's hard to tell the physical and mental stuff apart sometimes.
Of course I'm thinking of you. You give me courage. I'm not around all the time, but I'll be here anytime you tag me 💜💙💜🌻🌻
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