Lived Experience Forum

[Lemonjuice]

I got a call yesterday from the ctp insurance company to let me know that my car is uninsured because it's also unregistered.  It was due at the beginning of March.  I can't figure out how I forgot to do that, but I did, and that means that for the last month I have been driving around unregistered and now I have to come up with money for a years worth of ctp rather than six months, which was hard enough.  Basically, I have no car for a few months and the car I do have, may as well be scrap metal. Not having money to deal with basic needs is exhausting, frustrating and makes me go into mental crisis.  I can't think straight and I just freeze up and can't deal with things.  I don't know how we are going to cope in the next three months until the house is sold.  If that's not enough, all I am getting since yesterday is screaming from inside me that we ought to suicide.  I'm having these sudden strong urges to take that car on a oneway ride.  I'm not going to, just saying how hard it is at the moment.  And this damn coronavirus is driving me nuts too.

[Got_the_tshirt]

Hi @Lemonjuice 

I'm so sorry that happened. It's so easily done. I'm also sorry to hear of the pressures you feel atm. I wish I had an easy solution for you. It's completely understandable that these problems would stress you out - and unfortunately trigger everything you've described. I can relate to the feeling that things are on top of you and that, at this point in time, it feels overwhelming - and possibly like there's no immediate solution. And as for CV19 etc .... gee wiz!

I'm thinking of you ad sending what support and encouragement I can. 

Sadly, I can also relate to the horrible feelings from what your mind is telling you at the moment. They can really beat us up at times.

But can I say good on you for sharing - it's brave, and I find sharing helps me a lot - just by putting it into words and sharing it with someone. I really hope this has provided you with some relief for your pain. You're not alone. 

Also, your awareness of what thoughts are arising, and your strength to resist them, is an achievement in itself - easily overlooked. May I encourage you to consider the strength you show by that - and to keep doing it. I know it's not easy.

Not sure what access you have to support: doctor, counsellor, friends, family - that may be able to provide some assistance - but you might think about that and seek help if you can. Sometimes I find it incredibly hard to seek help - to admit how tough I'm finding things (for all sorts of reasons including not wanting to trouble others who undoubtably have their own issues), but whenever I manage to ask I'm often surprised by the level of care and support others are prepared to give (and they often say i wish you'd told me sooner!). 

What you have on your plate would stress anyone out - but for those of us with mental conditions - the pain and stress seems to be (significantly) magnified. Which sucks, but also shows how strong we are when we endure them - as you continue to do. 

Please hang in there. Stay safe and look after yourself. Perhaps hide the car keys from yourself just in case? Give them to a friend for now? Your health and well being is more important than any car, house or money. Each day you navigate gives more time for things to hopefully improve (even if sometimes it feels like they never will). 

Perhaps giving yourself permission to take one day at a time might help - and if you're up to it - try doing one potentially helpful thing each day (eg: call your Doctor, or a friend). Sometimes taking the tiniest little step is much easier than thinking of the overwhelming whole? A few little steps, and hopefully things might feel like they're improving - even if only a little bit?

Anyway, please take care. Keep posting here if it helps. We're here to listen and offer any support we can.  

Thinking of you and sending best wishes,

GTT 

[Lemonjuice]

@Got_the_tshirt thanks, everything you suggested is very useful.  My niece is starting a business from home.  Fingers crossed it works and provides us with some relief.

[Got_the_tshirt]

Hi @Lemonjuice ,

So glad it might have helped. Best of luck with the business and I'll keep everything crossed for you too!

Here if you need.

Take care,

GTT