Talking to family

[Magpie22]

Hi everyone 

I was just reflecting about who I do and don’t talk to about my military experiences.  I tend to really only talk to other people who have served (or their families). 
I have found that so many people have preconceived ideas about what military life is like, and when you don’t fit the mold you spend more time explaining the culture than actually talking about the issues. Even some therapists I have spent more time talking about how the military works and virtually no time talking about me *eyeroll.*. Although to be fair I have also had a couple of great counsellors. 

Anyway I was just wondering how other people approach this? I’m at the point now where I just prefer to not talk to my partner about ANYTHING related

to army - even if it’s trivial - let alone anything deep and meaningful. 

[0ddsidian]

Hey @Magpie22 , I think this is a really interesting topic. My Dad is in the ADF and the VAST majority of his friends / connections are also in the ADF (or have been previously). There's so many nuances and cultural things that civvys don't know about. I imagine that he feels very similarly to you. It sounds exhausting.

What parts of your military experience are you wanting to talk about with people? And who are those people?

Any thoughts, @Oaktree @Azalea @goatlatte @yggdrasil ?

[Oaktree]

@Magpie22 @0ddsidian 

I have never talked about my Army experience with my husband or children. I guess it wasn’t very relevant. I was more focused on recovery when I left the Army as I was extremely mentally unwell. I also didn’t really struggle to readjust to civilian life. 

[Magpie22]

@0ddsidian 

Sometimes I want to talk to my partner about a particular thing that happened at work, but they think all military stuff is weird and all problem are blamed on the fact that is a military thing - even if they aren’t related. 

other times talking to people who know less about me, if I mention being in the army, they have so many assumptions. I have to decide if I want to spend time busting the myths or not - especially when there’s are so many misconceptions. 

i think that’s why I tend to only talk about my experiences ( positive and negative) to other veterans 

[0ddsidian]

@Magpie22 I hear you. Is your partner overtly saying that military stuff is weird? Sounds quite invalidating, given this is something (I assume) you've chosen for your life. Being in the ADF doesn't have a monopoly on causing problems in people's lives.

What kind of assumptions are people making?

[RiverSeal]

Hey @Magpie22, thank you for sharing your experiences with your service and family!

We are glad that you have found this space where you can talk openly about your service, and it's a safe space free of judgment and opinions. We hope that you find it beneficial to connect and talk about what you would like to and share what you want with your peers in the community.

I was not in the ADF myself, but my father was in the Navy before I was born and then worked as a civilian on various bases around NSW and the NT. A lot of my relatives were also in the ADF, so the military has been a big part of my families life. 

Thanks again for sharing and welcome to Shoulder to Shoulder!

Take care

RiverSeal