Lived Experience Forum

[Atalanta]

So, barely holding onto reason and life here. I tell my counsellor yesterday that I am so ready to suicide, so exhausted from poverty and other issues in my life that I only need one thing to go wrong and I will be in dangerous waters. So I come home and my niece's car won't work so she has to use mine for a few days. So today I get a call from my niece cause my car has now broken down too. With no money, lol, this is going to get interesting. The Fates are screwing around with me.

Lol, I did tell the counsellor that we ought to play Russian Roulette. Just played soccer Pools with my last $8...I win Monday, I get to live. Fair?

It's ok...just venting.

[Atalanta]

Lol, just realised the documentary playing on tv in greek is about the epidemic of suicide. 😂😂😂

I reckon it must be universal code for I am going to win pools on monday. Get all the bad luck out of the way.

Lol, niece just came home. She said her mirror fell down last night and broke. Shes going to church tomorrow...evil eye.

[Zahlia]

Hi @Atalanta

I know you said you were just venting, but I am still worried about you at the moment. If over the weekend you feel unsafe, please call one of the crisis services below, as unfortunately we are not a crisis service. 

Lifeline - 13 11 14 or Crisis chat

Suicide call back 1300 659 467 or online counselling

Beyond Blue - 1300 22 4636

I know you have so much going on at the moment, and we are here to support you through those issues 🙂

Take care @Atalanta

[Atalanta]

It's ok. I know what I need to do...numbers, etc. I will get off here for a few days. I'm talking crap now...I'm probably worrying and triggering people too. If you want please delete this thread.

[Ellu]

You sound as if you are having a really bad time at the moment. I wish there were something I could do to help. Keep your faith in the future - fate may bring you good things. Try to enjoy the little things of life - a cup of coffee, a walk around the block, a chat with a friend. At least one person (me) is thinking of you are wishing you well.

Ellu

[Atalanta]

Thanks.

[Phoenix_Rising]

Hi @Atalanta, It certainly sounds like everything that can go wrong is going wrong for you at the moment. I really hate it when life is like that. I hate the feeling of being totally on edge wondering what's going to happen next. I am (hopefully!!!) just moving out of a period like that, which has been running since July 2015. FINALLY it seems like my world is starting to settle.

I am curious about something - but it is absolutely totally fine if you don't want to respond. Do you find it somehow calming to talk about the option of suicide? The reason I'm asking is because I do. Suicide seems to be such a taboo subject and in most social settings people totally freak out if I mention it. However, I'm a big fan of Dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT) and in that model of therapy, one of the ideas is that it is totally fine to want to talk about suicide. It is fine to daydream about it and plan it etc etc. Linehan (the founder of DBT) describes how those sorts of thoughts can actually be calming. That totally fits with my experience. I do find it calming, and kind-of empowering to know that I COULD suicide and that I am CHOOSING not to. I've always found it odd when I express thoughts of suicide to someone and they respond with "that's not an option." Er...yes it is. It may not be an option that you like, or that you desire for me, but it IS an option.

Anyway, feel free to totally ignore this post. As I said, it is idle curiousity on my part because I'm curious to know if you (or others) find thinking and talking about suicide as an option calming in the way that I do.

[Atalanta]

I'm not in the mindset to communicate at the moment. I'm watching tv and I am ok. Talk another time.

[trusting101]

I so wish there were somewhere just to go, and sit, and feel safe when im feeling like others have said.

In some town I read that their was a program where if you felt suicidal you could go and just chill out with 'peer workers' and just feel safe rather than having to go to hospital.

Im not religious at all but sometimes I just like to sit in random churches to get me through.

Today is a very good day though and im very happy to post this just so I feel like im a part of something

[Atalanta]

I have thought about that a lot over the years. A house with some sleeping rooms, lounge, play room, kitchen and staffed with counsellors and volunteers. People can come in to sit for a few hours, watch a bit of tv, have a chat and even crash for the night. No stigma, hospitals, police, etc. Somewhere to feel safe and calm for a few hours, particularly at night.