Lived Experience Forum

[kenny66]

I am not sure if others have spoken on this topic, but its relevant to me at the moment. 9 months I got a diagnosis of pancreatic cancer. and was in hospital the next day. The usual survival rate is 12 months post diagnosis, with 90% of patients not making it past that time.

I had a big operation  to take the tumour out and survived that operation. I have just finished 6 months chemo. I havent got sick again yet and I am probably doing quite well when you look at all the grim predictions about surviving this type of cancer.

It took a litle while to work if the diagnosis was real or just illusionary, even with an operation, which in my mind, could have been for anything. With the schizoaffective, I have to say that it has been difficult putting it all together and in many ways has blunted the reality of what is happening.

Most of the people I see at the cancer centre are in a state off  despair or shock or both.

I dont have either.

I think the experience of my MI has given me strength to face this, mainly because living with schizoaffective disorder has been such  battle most of my life. Everything else pales into comparison really.

anyway, my point is I wonder if anyone else has managed major illness with their MI and how they handled it. In retrospect I dont think it has been a negative living with both situations, although I think the schizoaffective probably effects my insight into my present circumstances.

[Mazarita]

@kenny66, I have lived with a chronic illness for 35 years, co-existing with bipolar. It has involved more than one major surgery, but it's not like what you are facing in that it is not described as a terminal condition. I don't think I have much to offer in response to what you are seeking in the way of comment, but I'll say a few things. First of all, it's great that you are doing quite well, given possibilities. A relief that you describe being neither in shock nor despair. Regardless of the cause of that, it seems a blessing. As you say, having faced dark times with your mental illness, may have given you an unusual degree of insight or more mental and emotional skills and experience to deal with your current condition. Sending you additional strength in facing the worst, but above all very best wishes in your ongoing treatment and possible recovery. 

[NikNik]

Hi @kenny66

I don't have a response to you post directly, I just wanted to say hi and say how wonderful it is to 'see' you.

It sounds like things are going as well as possible.

You've been in our thoughts!

Nik

[kenny66]

thanks heaps

I am going fine

[Former-Member]

Hi @kenny66,

feel for you. What a rough year you've had, and facing it with so much dignity. I take my hat off to you.

Its interesting how we question ourselves when we seem to be coping better than those around us for a change lol

I have had a life struggle with chronic major depression anxiety, bpd, ptsd, complicated grief & loneliness (Mental illness is painful). Physically, I haven't had a diagnosis of cancer, but currently thinking a lot on the matter while waiting for a tumour biopsy result (hate the wait), & my mother is palliative care stage4 liver cancer. My physical issues are chronic asthma & painful spinal degeneration, scoliosis & arthritis. I tell you this to back up that i do understand pain, physical pain & emotional pain.

You wonder why you don't respond to your serious condition like others, but i wonder if its because you have already walked the road of loss before? And maybe, the emotional pain you have already endured through MI is much harder to bare.

A friend who was dying from melanoma stated 3 months before she passed "its hard to believe i'm dying as I just feel tired, not sick" Do you feel it yet, physically?

Some people are diagnosed 3wks before the end - without a knowledge of their illness they carried on as normal, while others have time to put their affairs in order, maybe take a trip.

PHYSICAL ILLNESS VS MI
In my small church we have had members undergo the surgery & chemo, remission, relapses & some cross over. An older fella with the same as you died 2yrs back after a 5yr battle. A lovely young mum with 5 children has stage 4 breast ca (now in comm palliative care) after a 5yr battle, its sad to watch.
We also have sufferers of MI in our group, a couple of us with major depression & a friend with severe BiPolar, highly medicated & dependent.
One observation find in our home group interaction is that there is much more sympathy, empathy, understanding, interest & support toward the suffering of physical illness than that of MI. Sometimes it feels like a competition for who has the worst physical ailment. After 30yrs nursing its hard to pull the wool over my eyes but, i prefer opt to not let on.
What they don't realise is that while most of their physical ailments & surgery get better, Severe MI rarely does. We have lost & we grieve 'normal' - and learned to accept the impossible. We are, in many ways already more resilient to personal crises.

These are just my thoughts / theories, hope it helps.