Lived Experience Forum

[daisysun2020]

Content/trigger warning

Hi! I'm a new member.

I'm a senior and newly retired due to Heath issues, and feel very alone.

My family have all passed away, including my children. my friends have either moved interstate or have passed away too. Yes, I have considered many different types of hobbies but nothing is of interest to me. I tend to spend my days in bed.

My pet, my full-time and only companion, has just been diagnosed with a fatal disease. So, I'm suffering grief.

I realise that I have painted a somewhat gloomy picture, but the above is the truth, and where I find myself at the moment. 

I do hope and pray that this forum will provide a pathway out of my gloom. Else I have nothing to live for

I'm on medication for my depression. This medication makes me very lethargic, yet I cannot get a full night's sleep.

 I have researched various ways of "ending it all" but cannot find any sure way. I certainly don't want to wake up in some psych hospital, being fed more and more pills.

[Appleblossom]

Here's to looking ahead. @daisysun2020

Your profile name says a lot about the optimistic side of you.

Often people mistake the message for the messenger. The reality of grief does not automatically make the bereaved depressive types, though it does take a fair passing of time to recover our brighter sides.

Hope you find what you are looking for here .. 

[Rockpool]

Hi @daisysun2020,

A warm welcome to the SANE Forums

It is perfectly ok that you have as you say "painted a somewhat gloomy picture" of what you are experiencing as this is the reality you are living. We are here to share in this with you and provide you with support during these times.

Having experienced so much grief in the passing of both family and friends is incredibly difficult to deal with on its own, then adding in the other factors as well with little support, it is understandable that you have been feeling a lack of motivation to engage in hobbies and have been spending your days in bed.

It is also common to have thoughts of suicide when you are feeling this way. What sorts of things have you been doing to cope up until now?

if you feel you need to speak to someone about these thoughts or feel as though you are going to act on your thoughts, you can contact the Suicide Call Back Service for a listening ear.

          Suicide Call Back Service

          1300 659 467

I am glad that you have found the forum and are able to connect with people here. I too like @Appleblossom hope you find what you are looking for on the forums.

Speak to you soon.

Rockpool

[daisysun2020]

Rockpool and Appleblossom - thank you both for showing your care and support. Your comments have given me some courage and hope.

[Ellu]

Dear Retired and Alone,

It sounds as if you are in a very bad place right now. I can understand why you sometimes feel you want to end it all. But where there is life there is a spark of hope. It is that spark of hope that led you to post on the forums. You have to nurture that spark until it grows and lights up your life.

I, too, am retired and I have bi-polar disorder.I know what it feels like to have severe depression and to stay in bed all day. But those anti-depressants should start to do their job eventually. In the meantime, what I found useful was to make a list of all the things I normally like doing (having a coffee, going for a walk, enjoying a magazine) and try to make yourself do one of those things every day. It may sound impossible, but just try.

Once you are feeling a bit better you might like to look up your ocal Neighbourhood House. They have all sorts of activities (not just hobbies) and it is a great way to meet new people and make new friends. It sounds as if you are very isolated, so a few new friends would be welcome.

I really feel for you and I hope that you feel better soon.

Ellu

[Former-Member]

Hello @daisysun2020

I'm retired too . . . and alone, but's I'm fine with it. I still have 2 members of my family alive, but we don't speak much. I don't know if people need to think about hobbies much, they're just things you like doing and so they just sort of happen, . . . well I think they're the best hobbies anyhow.
My pets would be my greatest hobby, I'm so sorry to hear about yours. Grieving is a sad thing, but it comes from joy. In my experience when a death is something you didn't love it just kind of feels numb, maybe a little relief. So in a way grieving is loving, or at least having been loved.
And a gloomy picture can't be painted unless the artist has seen the light, and not just seen it, but remembers it with enough vision to complete the painting. I used to like art once.
I'm new here too, and I've got to say it's one of the nicest sites I've been too. So far no-one nasty has found me here.
I wonder how long you've been taking your medication, some of them take some time for you body to gain the right 'levels', I was often told to 'be patient' for 1 to 3 months while this happened. Most of the tablets I was given did very little (except make my mouth sore), but the most important one, helped me sleep . . . which seemed to help everything.
I want you to take everything I say with a grain of salt, I'm no-one - I've been in a lot of Doctors offices, but I don't really like them. I don't really like people, in particular men (no offence if you are one, I can't help it). But my advice would be to get your current pet a new friend. It will give them a little boost for their last days, and we don't know everything about domestic animals, your faithful friend may even feel better knowing they're not going to leave you alone. Your new friend will help bridge the gapping great hole your 'life-partner' has to leave and give you a new reason to get up in the morning 🙂
I hope you don't mind my rave, I'm not very good at communicating. 

[Brogley]

Hi Daisysun, I am a first time user myself and  your post touches me in a number of ways. I don't believe I have been as isolated as you are, but as you will know when depression is severe you can be alone amongst people, even people important to you. I am bi polar and can relate to much of what you say, including ending ones' life; in fact I tried it last year and failed (thankfully as objectively I have a lot of good things in my life, just difficult to see them sometimes.) 

I only mention my struggle to let you know I can easily relate to your current predicament. I instantly recognise the problem of being kept alive with drugs that leave you feeling like a wasted zombie. I am a man who loves animals and have three annoying little dogs so I can understand your devestation at seeing your loyal and loving companion leaving your life; I know nothing of you but I am willing to bet that you have been a loyal and loving companion to your dog. To my mind dogs and cats are powerful medicines when the world seems full of darkness. As I said, this is the very first time I have used this site and I am doing so because I know that with winter coming, I will need to find some form of sunshine to keep me whole throughout winter. Perhaps we can make some ourselves because I refuse to let my depression rule my life; I know enough about depression to know that your reaching out in this forum means that you still have the will to live; and despite your despair right now, your life till now has given you tools to use to beat your current despair. There are people out there who know the pain you are in and have dealt with similar things. They can offer you support be letting you know you are not alone and encourage you to tell more of your life story in safety. Maybe we can offer some thoughts to each other that will bring some comfort. Life can get better for you, don't give up on yourself. Warm regards, 'Brogley'

[getbetter]

Hello @daisysun2020 are there any support groups near you that you could attend? I feel I would benefit from conversation with people who have similar issues, if you google depression support groups there may be something near you, I am in a country town, there are no groups here.