Lived Experience Forum

[Dark_Olena]

I have a page of about 150 therapists to choose for my mental health care plan, it's not going well. I don't want another one that will nod at me and ask 'how does that make you feel? I really like one that is 3 week wait but with a gap where I pay $45. When my husband says I just need to pick up the phone to my sister with the cancer, he just doesn't understand, and I feel weak and inadequate. My sister did say its best we don't talk as I am having too , much anxiety about it. I really don't feel supported by him and I am in deep despair. I send her emails , but it takes days to hear back, emails were our arrangement for me to support her and learn new updates on her treatment. I am starting to imagine that people think I am weak. Yes, I could ring her, put on a good face and be supportive and follow a script that would be appropriate, the fallout of such would be horrid and have me in another episode and the last one was so scary.

i am so depressed.

[utopia]

@Dark_Olena. Your sister may prefer email contact as it is easier for HER to deal with. Just like you have to put your health first with regards to your MI - your sister needs to focus her attention on herself and her health.
Try not to take this personally. She is doing what she needs to do for her. Cancer is a big scary battle. She may not have any energy left over to focus on others.
And she does want you in her life and knowing what's happening. Just through email.
You need to respect her wishes. It is her choice not yours. I know that's harsh, but that is the reality.
So what are YOU doing with regards to feeling inadequate and weak and with yiur depression?
This must be a very hard time for you to manage your depression - with other things out of your control.
So who are you talking to about it? Your husband is not going to understand. You need to talk to a specialist.
Are you seeing your gp and psychiatrist? Make sure they know about the added stress you are under with your sisters cancer. Let them support you through it

[Former-Member]

Hi @Dark_Olena

its lovely to 'meet you' i'm sorry that you have so much going on at the moment. I prefer emailing people as I'm just hopeless with talking about my own stuff! i'm better at listening to others talk, but find it difficult to respond at times. we're all different and that doesn't make us weak. knowing how we each operate best, how we need to look afterselves is strength...

I know sometimes we do need to 'put on that face' of coping and stuff but the cost is too great sometimes. I wish your partner were a bit more supportive but you are doing what you can and looking for help for yourself. well done. Choosing a mental health person would be very difficult! Maybe it's better where I am and there's simply very few options in the country lol (though i am very fortunate to have found very good supports!). 

Remember you can always change if you don't mesh with someone. Fingers crossed the person you have chosen is a good fit. 

lj

[Dark_Olena]

I have contacted my sister with cancer via phone to phone. It went well. I have found a psycholigist , who I think I may not have a connection with. How can I get a new person, while on the same mental health care plan. I dont want to say, " we dont gel "  so I wont be coming back. Could I not go back to gp and ask to reprint the mental health care plan. With the former the gap to me is $60 and she gets $124. so she gets $184, no wonder she giggles alot. I would giggle too if I got that kind of money for 60 mins. I need schema therapy. I have  quiet a few deep ingrained beliefs that CBT or talk rarely budges. So over psycotherapy.

She did say I talk like a person of trauma, and I am living in survival mode. It doesnt bother either way, but this was the first meeting and I'm thinking whoah, too fast. I'm hesitant to stay with her. I dont need or want a psychiatrist either. My daugher(19) has one for her social anxiety and aspergers. and they want her to take way too many sedatives, even when she is sitting on her bed with her barbie dolls (role playing life) adult style and not much is going on. She takes her sedatives as needed, not the way they want. So I am a bit off with psychiatrists. I've seen my daughter when she has had half ativan and she doenst improve socially and looks like she would nod off to sleep.

I can feel the depression just beneath my skin, but it hasnt exploded like the first 2 weeks of September.

Thankyou people for responding and being supportive. I was never all that confident in advising, so I read alot.  I aim to try and be supportive, but I dont have alot of advice to give.

[Appleblossom]

Hello @Dark_Olena I have a lot of issues with "elapsed time".

It is like that for me .. and the other way too ... I forget wherther a week or a month has passed ... it happens especially when I am pressured.

You should be able to ask GP for another professional and printoff of the new health care plan .. it is becoming more the norm that patientts can request it .. it is very easyfor them to do.

Your comment about the "giggles" went straight to my heart .. yep some people have had more than a fair portion of giggles.  Coquetry has never seemed particularly mature to me or worth paying through the nose for.

But I am not a total cynic .. as I do believe a forum like this is a great feedback mechanism for the profession & industry as a whole.

Welcome to the forum .. I try not to give advice .. I dont really believe in it .. but just try and open up conversation.

Take care .. of you and your daughter.

[utopia]

@Dark_Olena. Wow you have been proactive. Well done.
Sometimes we just don't 'click' with a therapist. You need to find the right one for you.
I believe your gp will be able to do a new plan for you. See if your gp can recommend a therapist experienced in schema therapy or trauma therapy.
I hope your sister is doing well.
My thoughts go to you both.