Lived Experience Forum

[pie]

Hi Kristen, I feel like I just want to Cry, I love my Dad Very Much and I miss my Mum and Love her everyday, I still think about her a lot and when I see the stars I always think There is my Guardian Angel Watching over me, I just hope she and Dad would be Proud of me. Also when I see her favourites Flowers Carnations I should go and buy some and put them in my room and think of her.

Thank you for the Kind Words, I really Appreciate that, I am Trying so Hard, But Feel like a Failure always Doubting Myself because of those Bullies, That's why I have such a Low Self Esteem and Self Confidence and Hate Myself, I am Having a Meeting on Monday with Special People from My Local Hospital and I am seeing My Psychologist and also my Doctor on Wednesday and Thursday, I never seem to have time to do anything anymore.

I do eventually want to move out of Home and Live with my Boyfriend But I have to learn Lots More, Like Cooking and More Cleaning and Other Things, I have never had to do Shopping on my Own, I am Not Used to that and am Struggling, My Carer is so Wonder Her Name is Alex, We get on very well, My Dad is actually my Usual carer when he is well, so at the moment I am Helping him.

I was thinking of asking Alex, to help me set up a Roster, As I have 2 Dogs to Feed, Washing to do and Cleaning and Cooking and Other Tasks, My Neice has Been Providing Meals on the everyday for dad and me except on Tuesday's and Wednesday's as I get Paid Fortnightly, I have an Off Pension Week and a Pension Week, My Neice Does His Tablets, and I help pay the Bills when I get Paid by using the Cards.

But I always feel like she is taking over and Telling me what to do and How to do it, She has a Husband a Farm and Kids and Animals and They both work in a Hostel Care as well, I really do Appreciate her help But I was she would ease up on me.

I will let you know what happens with my Appointments, I am Trying so Hard, I too have Severe Depression but I guess I don't feel as Important to her as my dad is? I so miss Going to the Movies, At Least I get to See My Wonderful Loving Boyfriend Neil, He is amazing, I love him with all of my heart.

All I want is for my Dad to get Better, It wont be quick but I know he is Strong and will get back to his old self, It's Very Distressing for me seeing him like that, It was just like when mum had her Strokes, I feel Helpless and Blamed myself and Blame myself for dad getting sick like me, I wonder If he got it off me.

My Boyfriend and Friends say I'm Strong but I don't Believe it. Hope to talk again I think I need to talk to Lifeline and that Thank you.

[pie]

Thank you That Picture is Beautiful.

[Hobbit]

Hi Pie,

Your last comment in your post - My Boyfriend and Friends say I'm Strong.

From reading your posts, I actually tend to agree. THe fact that you are willing to come onto these forums and share yourself the way you do shows to me such strength indeed. And I can also see that you are a very caring and loving person.

You are certainly going through a very hard time, but believe me, you are doing the right thing in reaching out to people for help. I think that's strength in itself and should really be admired.

Please take care and let us know how you are doing.

Hobbit.

[peace]

Hi Pie. Sorry for the loss of your mother.
it is also sad to hear of all the guilt you place upon yourself. I say you as I believe no one else blames you. Therefore please let it go and be gentle with yourself as you have so much happening right now.
I must say I agree with what Hobbit has written . I hope you read and reread it often. Please takecare of you as you certainly do deserve it and need it.

[pie]

Hi Everyone, I finally spoke to a Person from Suicide Call Back Line, I cant sleep and feel Exhausted I am not feeling well at all today, Right now, I wish I could sleep and not wake up, I don't know how I'm going to get through the day or even a second or Minute, I'm feeling Dizzy now, I was in Tears on the Phone. I will try and get some sleep

[NikNik]

Hi @pie 

It takes a lot of strength to seek out help like you did.

Did you manage to get much sleep? It's astonishing the impact lack of sleep can have on our mental health. This particuarly isn't helpful with all you're going through at the moment.

Other than suicide call back service, do you have other supports (eg: your carer and your partner) that you could reach out to?

I hope things have improved for you today and you're looking after yourself.

We're here if you need us.

Take care,

Nik

[Alessandra1992]

Hey @pie, I hope you have gotten some sleep..crying is good sometimes too..we need to shed some of the load we carry and tears are often the only way we can let it out.
Would you think about calling your GP and seeing if you can be referred to either a mental health plan and see a psychologist, or seeing if you could access support in your area..living with suicidal feelings can be really really scary, but I think you will find many of us have travelled this road, and we have lived through it..sometimes it us getting through the next minute, hour, day...

[pie]

Hi Alessandra, I am not well @ the Moment Thank you for your kind words, My Blood Sugar was 1.9 Earlier I have to go and Make myself some lunch and then ring the Nurse back @ the Doctors Surgery @ 12.30, I cant remember what I wrote back to you. I really hate feeling unwell.

[pie]

Hi Alessandra, Yes I see My Psychologist, I did have an appointment tomorrow but had to Cancel cause I was in the Hospital and had a blood test today at the doctors was feeling very Dizzy and Nauseas, Vomiting and Urine Infection and My Blood Pressure was Low, I am very Run Down and was having Diahorea and Constipation also, I'm hoping to talk to My Local Council and also Australian Homecare with My Carer she is making a Roster for me, but My Neice isn't happy and Dad is still sick But I need the help or I will keep Collapsing and getting sick, I get my Results tomorrow from the Blood Test.

It just feels like she is taking Over, I know she is Stressed out Like me, She Provides Meals and Medication to my dad and Takes me to my appointment in Trarlagon when I need it. She works and has kids, My dad Doesn't like strangers in the house but I need extra help on The days when I don't have my Carer which are Monday or Thursday or Friday, @ the moment I have Alex for 2 Hours Tuesday for Cooking and Cleaning and on Wednesday 3 hours sometimes I cook also on Wednesday.

[Alessandra1992]

Hey pie, I am glad you have some help with your dad. Your niece is probably doing the best she can, and hopefully won't take over too much..sounds like you're a bit overwhelmed caring for your dad and coping with your niece trying to help as well. Fingers crossed that your blood pressure goes back to a better range, and blood sugars stabilise too..when we are physically unwell it can take a toll on our mental health too..
Fingers crossed re your tests and maybe rebook your appointment with your psychologist, he/she might have good advice re coping with stress you are under.. Take care...virtual hug Pie..