Hi @Historylover . Sorry to hear your still feeling low. ☹️🤗
@Historylover wrote:
They actually think I think they know what they are doing. Pardon my mirth. (But good luck to you if you've found it otherwise)
This bit really resonated with me. I've been thinking a lot recently about the proportions of good therapists to bad ones out there. The other day, I stumbled (not for the first time) upon this video: https://www.livedexperienceaustralia.com.au/psychology-report in which they report that near enough 70% of patients are quite happy with the care they recieve from therapists.
I cannot relate to that number at all. And I can't help but feel lost trying to draw conclusions from it.
Are people like you and I really so exceptional, in terms of our horrible experiances dealing with therapists? Is the industry really as flooded with quality therapists as those numbers might suggest? I can't help but feel disconnected from the rest of the patient community - and society at large - when I look at numbers like that.
And then I struggle to reconcile those numbers with the multitude of people like yourself who I encounter online; people who's experiances closely mirror my own, in terms of suffering through one or more terrible therapists. I can't help but wonder if there's something wrong with the research process that produced those numbers - or if I am merely clouded by my own prejudices and refusing to see the true, goodly state of the world. Confusion abounds.
@Historylover wrote:
I don't want to die but this isn't living. I don't know if I can continue with studying although I probably will. I've always wanted it, but it has to augment life not replace it. And how my work is appraised is conditional on how they want to play this game–undermine me or keep me going for their own purposes.
This took me back to my school days, which I frequently reflect upon, looking vainly for answers that never come. "Where did I go wrong?"-sort of stuff.
It's all just a charade, isn't it? Saying what teacher wants to hear, in order to get the gold star. Playing a role to impress others. I certainly don't miss that side of the old school game.
But then, that's life as a whole, isn't it? It's the same with trying to get anywhere career-wise, and IME, it was always the same in social encounters. Always trying to nut out precisely what it is others want from you, so you can take on that role. I was never so perceptive to be able to figure that out.
And I guess I was never that invested, either. Always hoping and dreaming for the world without the charade; the world where I could just be myself and be surrounded by people just like me, so that we could all connect and collaborate earnestly, instead of just being united solely by the fact that we're all pretending to be someone we don't really understand or respect, solely for the sake of preserving a conformity that we don't really want anything to do with. Too busy, in other words, daydreaming of something better to properly commit to the fictional role that was expected of me. That's probably why I failed.
Sorry. I guess I've gone off on a bit of a sidetrack, there.
I just wanted to say that I think I get your grievances with study.
Hope you feel better. 🙂🤗
})
