Lived Experience Forum

[BryanaCamp]

And it's ridiculous trying to abstain from alcohol. It's just impossible.

I can't cope with saddistic people and insensitive people and angry people. I just can't. It's because I was raised by my saddistic, insensitive, angry parents. But I thought I was over that. I can't beleive it's still a problem for me. In my 40's. The first lot of anti-psychotics I went on were good, I was numbed out on them and could tolerate the company of almost anyone, even my cruel mother. But I had to get off them becuase of diabetes and cholesterol concerns. The ones I'm on now just aren't very strong right now.

[CheerBear]

I'm nervous about the work kind of adventure I am starting. It's been such a long time since I've done this and it feels scary. In a way it feels like I'm kidding myself thinking this roll I am on can last. I wonder whether I have become so used to life being too wonky that it can be unnerving when it feels smoother.

I worry that something will happen to take away the good stuff I have going on. This feeling today is tangled up in memories of the last time I felt this excited and proud to be doing something. I was working somewhere I was thrilled to be at doing something I was really enjoying. My last day there was the last 'normal' day of my old life before it all went bang. So quickly and dramatically everything changed and suddenly it was all gone. Right now I have no real reason to believe that it will happen again but I today I feel worried about all the "what if's".

[Maggie]

@CheerBear 💕

[greenpea]

@Sophie1  thank you for your support. I miss your posts makes me happy to see you here xxxx

[eudemonism]

Problematic relationships are bringing me down... you could say that's the story of my life... relationships go from one extreme to the other... just want company that's decent and respects me... and my needs and wants... instead there's plenty of people under the influence of drugs or alcohol... or pushing deranged agendas... and messed up vibes everywhere... just to sit and to be... and to be content with having our needs... instead of all this messed up mental crap going down...anything someone says while their under THE influence of drug's OR alcohol should BE disregarded AND not taken seriously because their seriously not in their right mind... and it's very misleading...

[Sophia1]

there is so much that I want to say in response to so many posts on this thread...

I can relate and feel such intensity of emotions...

yes I too struggle with so much of what individually we all want...

normal...does not exist...learnt that 

erase from your vocabulary...

comparing our lives with others...a waste of time...the others are comparing their lives with others also...hence the mouse on the wheel...

do I think that I have all of the answers and am wise....

good grief ...

far from it...

I am learning every day...

I am battling to be here which is so ridiculous because I have so much yet I have so little of myself..

the tears are flowing now....

stop your weeping I was told when I was young...

the hideous world of the dreaded "D"

the horrendous pit...

the never ending feeling of wonder then struck with a lightening bolt of what? reality? what is reality?

the constant energy in being a parent...triple checking and more that they do not have to suffer the same...that they cannot catch the "whatever diagnosis" ...the void...the fear...the terror...

then the resounding knowledge that they too have been tainted?

why are we suffering so in an attempt to fit into the mould of such a flawed human society?

we who feel are suffering for?

Yes i am incoherent...

hence I do not post very often...

I am encountering feelings that I have never known in my therapy...

I am continuing to endeavour to regain strength and fitness physically...this I am working hard at...

I am trying to remain calm within the presence of mine and extended family also...

I am tortured by the realisation that my family member is now almost incoherent...unable to have a conversation with...

I am 

just

forgive me if I have offended...

[Adge]

I went into shock yesterday afternoon - when 2 stitches (from my last surgery), poked out through my tummy.

I called the Locum Dr out, yet he was not very helpful.

He said that if it gets worse, I shall have to try to get in for another surgery (to get it fixed).

That's because it could be the internal plastic mesh (from surgery), that is causing the problem (Dr said).

The surgeon gave me the "all-clear" only 3 weeks ago, & I've been back at work for the past 2 weeks.

This is just too hard - it's 8 weeks since my (4th) major surgery, & I'm still not healed up.

It hurts, yet the Dr couldn't see (or feel) the sharp stitches that are hurting me.

Adge

[outlander]

i am loosing my 'voice'. it seems i dont have much choice andwhen i do have a choice i am ignored. overruled. silenced. the more i fight the worse it seems to get for me and sometimes for others too.

[Maggie]

I think more about ending it all these days than I seem to think of anything else. Another day breaks through with more emotion and physical pain to endure. When did breathing become so difficult? When did the days and nights blend into endless darkness of mind? I feel I've been here forever, and will be here forever. My walls are so tall, but I now realise there was no need to build them so high, I am small and insignificant. How does life become this hard? How do I go on and on and on?

[3Jewels]

Hi @Maggie ,

I am sorry that you have been struggling so much with suicidal thoughts lately. I am aware that this is the "Worry Room" and you may not be expecting a response; however, I was worried about your well-being and thus wanted to reach out.

Just letting you know that I have sent a check-in email.

Take care of yourself and try your very best to keep safe!

Kindest Regards,

Amour_Et_Psyché