Looking after ourselves
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18-02-2019 02:49 PM
18-02-2019 02:49 PM
Re: Worry Room - Get it out, and walk away: No responses please
Feeling hopeless, pathetic and weak. Feel like there's no future for me. I'm not suicidal but i realise i've fallen way behind others i know in my life (neighbours, friends, schoolmates, family) and i can't stop comparing myself. Not self flaggelating, just feel defeated. My efforts in life have been for naught. Tired of going around in circles. Tired of not "getting it". Maybe i'm just lazy, selfish and self-centred. Maybe i killed a China man in a past life. Lost soul here losing energy required to connect with others on a basic level. Nothing left to do but trudge on. I get worried about the places my self defeating mind goes to. Anyway. Feel better after getting that out.
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18-02-2019 05:55 PM - edited 18-02-2019 05:57 PM
18-02-2019 05:55 PM - edited 18-02-2019 05:57 PM
Re: Worry Room - Get it out, and walk away: No responses please
I'm worrying about managing my mental and physical condition... it seems that I'm not in control of my mental and physical condition... and my mental and physical condition... is not really what i want it to be... (if anything they control me...)
I'm subject to everything around me basically... + the medication I'm being given... among many other factors... it really is demoralizing... desperately wanting to be different... desperately wanting to be in control of my mental and physical condition... but as fate would have it... actually the opposite is happening... (i swear it's not my decision to be this way)
There is slight variations in the choices I've got to make... but being subject to the elements... remains the same... + consider... the elements come and go... one day it's this... the next it's that... always soaking up the elements like they was my life force... a calling to be here... a calling to be there... the elements have most surely defeated my soul... (one step after the other (one element to the next (I just do my best)
One day... maybe the elements will obey my command... and leave me in peace... one moment they are my friend... and the next they are my foe... the fact of the matter is... my soul goes wherever the elements lead me... where that is... i really don't know...
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18-02-2019 07:01 PM
18-02-2019 07:01 PM
Re: Worry Room - Get it out, and walk away
Boundary violation by contact from my childhood abuser (M), was a major trigger (totally unexpected).
My Mum's recent aggressive behaviour on phone on top of this - has left me feeling even more isolated (alone), with no emotional energy to deal with work.
Work relations have deteriorated, due to no fault or action of mine.
I have been trying very hard to distract myself away from giving this unwanted contact (M) any more thought or energy - since he already stole so much of that from me, as an adolescent.
Very difficult, given the timing - just 2 weeks before surgery.
One thing on top of another, too much....
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23-02-2019 03:26 PM
23-02-2019 03:26 PM
Re: Worry Room - Get it out, and walk away
I’ve had recent difficulty in clear communication with someone who – Repeatedly claims that they never said what they did say, & never promised what they did promise.
Plus sending me an sms that I no longer had a massage booking (with no notice), claiming that I had not confirmed that booking – when it was clearly confirmed at the time of booking (as was the usual practice there).
There was never any requirement (usually) with that person, that I re-confirm my booking (again).
My bookings usually stand, unless I cancel them (or someone asks to re-schedule).
This person has been dealing & communicating this way, for many months – recently much worse.
I need resources, suggestions (or links) – for dealing with people who behave this way.
I am my wit’s end, it’s exhausting & disillusioning (very hurtful).
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28-02-2019 08:11 PM
28-02-2019 08:11 PM
Re: Worry Room - Get it out, and walk away: No responses please
so hard to breathe when things feel so smothering
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02-03-2019 08:33 PM
02-03-2019 08:33 PM
Re: Worry Room - Get it out, and walk away: No responses please
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03-03-2019 11:56 AM
03-03-2019 11:56 AM
Re: Worry Room - Get it out, and walk away: No responses please
Everything is going wrong at the moment. I thought I could control my thoughts but they are raging out of control. I feel trapped in my own mind with no way out.
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03-03-2019 04:04 PM
03-03-2019 04:04 PM
Re: Worry Room - Get it out, and walk away: No responses please
I worry that I never seem to have enough money for things I want or need. If I finish my studies and get a job, I realised I will be paying back seventy thousand dollars at the age of forty eight. That worries me!
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03-03-2019 07:26 PM
03-03-2019 07:26 PM
Re: Worry Room - Get it out, and walk away: No responses please
is this what lifes going to be like?
i dont know if i want to be apart of it.
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07-03-2019 11:27 AM
07-03-2019 11:27 AM
Re: Worry Room - Get it out, and walk away: No responses please
I am in a very dark place atm. If it wasn't for the medication I know I would act upon these thoughts .... I smile and act like everything is fine but that is only on the surface. Deep down there is a black hole in the core of my body and mind where I visualise the what ifs that I might do. If I had the means to act upon these impulses I might. This is what my mental illness has done to me.