Lived Experience Forum

[saltandpepper]

Hey guys,

Would really appreciate some advice here, so thanks in advance.

An opportunity has cropped up with work, and I need to either say yes or no to it today. It's the kind of thing that I need to say yes to, it's exposure, free advertising, will drive sales, but... It's going to mean talking, answering questions, getting photos taken... Normally, yeah, I'd do it. I'm not at all comfortable doing things like this but for the sake of my business I do it. It takes a lot of mental prep for me, and ideally more notice so I can get myself in the right headspace, but I can get myself there. I want to say yes, but... The past few days have kind of kicked my ass... I'm not sure I can get my head in gear this time.

If I say yes, it's going to put me under a lot of mental stress--which probably isn't what I need right now--but it will be great for business. I don't like letting my mental health issues interfere with my ability to work or run my business. And so far, I haven't let it get in the way. If I say yes, and do it, what if I end up making a di*k of myself? What if I can't get my head in gear? What if I wake up tomorrow and it's a no go and I have to cancel last minute? 

But what if I say no? I'm going to hate myself for it, for giving into the sh*t in my head, for letting it get on top of me, for not being stronger. I want to say no, but is the backlash of saying no going to be more punishing than the stress I'd be under if I say yes?

I feel like both options are going to cause me grief, I'm not sure which way to go here. I've spent the past couple days feeling incapable of getting out of bed, I'm doing better, but probably not going to be able to pull my head in for a while with this one. It's disappointing to say no, but I'm not sure I have it in me to say yes right now. But I know I'm going to hate myself if I don't take advantage of this opportunity... I'm not sure which is going to be worse...

Fu*k this is just sh*t. I'm really honestly not capable of much right now, and that is pathetic and disappointing and I wish I was better at coping with all this sh*t.

What should I do?

[Ici]

Ok, 1st you are your best barometer, you know yourself, so trust yourself. 

2nd, so far in life I have found truth in the cĺiche that you regret the things you don't do far more than the things you do. 

3rd This is why we have gastro / food poisoning. Yes and plan on time to recover, plan set time after where you fall apart and just stop being a responsible adult for a while, curl up in a ball and do whatever it is you do to take care of you. If you wake up the day of and just can't face it no matter what, well damn, you got gastro, you would love to be there... but it's just not possible. 

4 If you can find it in you to be really brave, be honest with your opportunity.  You would love to be involved but you are struggling mentally so the best you can give is a tentative yes, is there a smaller way you can be involved? Is there a safe way for you to step back of it gets too much? You would really appreciate thier understanding, thanks.

Last I go back to 1st, you are your best barometer,  trust yourself to know your limits. You can do this - Great! You can't do this - that is ok!! Life is full of chances rarely will you find a once in a lifetime moment. If you can't this time be sure to tell them how you would love to be involved next it just isn't possible right now.

Good luck @saltandpepper I hope these thoughts help and I hope you can find a way to be kind to yourself ❤

[Appleblossom]

Hearing you about you ' bob each way' situation. @saltandpepper

We once said NO to big bucks in the gulf when we had a company, but never regretted it, as it would have been helping out a police state, and there were other reasons.

My son has thanked me for not going into mining, as I would have regretted that too.  Opportunities in business and money making and the dignity of work can be complicated.  More than just showing up 9 - 5 and not thinking more about it.  Take your time, and dont whip yourself too hard either way ... life evolves.

My tuppence worth

Apple

[Powderfinger]

@saltandpepper 

I hope this helps. 

[BPDSurvivor]

Amazing @Powderfinger . Thanks for that. Makes so much sense.

We should work to live not live to work.

[saltandpepper]

Thanks guys for the responses @Powderfinger @Appleblossom @Ici I'm not going through with it. I can't say I've ever viewed taking on opportunities like this as a "sacrifice of mental health". Yes, it's gruelling at times, and takes a lot of prep and recovery time on my part, but the alternative being that I let my mental health issues dominate and dictate the choices I make? That's a no go for me. Every time I do manage to pull myself through something like this, I'm better for it, stronger, and more capable the next time. In this instance, after the past few days, I just can't manage it this time. And I feel disappointed in myself for not doing better and being stronger--especially since I know I can do this kind of thing. It feels like taking a step back as opposed to putting my mental health first and taking care of myself. It feels like giving in and being weak. It feels like failure.

[Powderfinger]

@BPDSurvivor 

Thanks. I refer to his wisdom often. It helps my anxiety and panic. Puts things into perspective. 

[Appleblossom]

@saltandpepper 

Can you look at it more wholistically, not as strength or weakness, success or failure? More like not a good fit for right now in your life.  Maybe not all mental health issues are the weak side, they can also be a softer intuitive side ....

Taking Care of business can mean a whole lot of different things all depending ...

I used to work for tax, in another life did lots of calculations etc etc but am allergic to management talk now. Can you tell?

Gently Bently

Apple

[Ici]

@saltandpepper 

It takes strength to say "I see that boundary and this time I need to respect it" as opposed to rushing headlong into something that will hurt you

 You made the brave choice, prioritising your health is never the easy choice. Be proud of the fact you made a choice most of us could not have (of this I am living proof this week) 

Be kind to yourself and take care ❤

[saltandpepper]

@Appleblossom @Ici Thanks guys, appreciate the positive thoughts there.

@Appleblossom yeah accounting is not my friend, couldn't imagine the headache you'd get having dealt with it full time. I'm glad it's behind you now.

When I read your response about viewing this as not a good fit for now, for a moment I felt uplifted. For a moment. That pesky negative thought process is chewing through everything at the moment. For a long time I've been good at challenging that negativity and it's been a while since I've felt like this. I'm hopeful though, that in a week or two I can reread your comment and give myself permission to view this as necessary, rather than failure. But, at the moment, yeah it feels like both--necessary and failure. It's frustrating needing to withdraw sometimes, I wish I wasn't this way. But I am. And I don't like it. I've been working so hard to push through and it's been good, I've done more in the last year than I ever imagined possible. It's just frustrating that I still have setbacks like this. I want to be able to charge ahead, like I've been doing, and this time I can't and it leaves me feeling like I've taken a step back. I'm not doing the best that I can, I'm not putting in 100%, I'm giving the negative thoughts control, I'm spending too much time feeling sorry for myself, feels pathetic really. It is pathetic.

Sorry for rambling. And thanks again all for pitching in and lending an ear here, really appreciate it.