@Shaz51 well less than 24 hours after my weekend away (which didn't go all that well) I was being evicted from my own house. Luckily I hadn't unpacked the car. I'm staying at an airbnb near my work.
I’ll be heading off in about an hour, back to the bnb. I miss him terribly, but I miss the man I fell in love with, the man who makes me laugh and cuddles me, not the man who abuses me. I miss the man who says that he loves me unconditionally and doesn’t want me to change, not the man who demands absolute perfection and obedience.
I wish I’d never come away and I wish I didn’t have to go back and I wish I was home now and I wish I could go back 2 years and never start this and I wish more than anything just to go back 6 months to when we were still happy.
And I wish I could concentrate on getting my work done instead of desperately searching facebook, gmail and the support forums for brief words of encouragement and I wish I could say what I really feel instead of having to tone down the language... I've been moderated twice now for being too descriptive.
My eyes keep leaking salt water and the men I work with are very confused. Obviously no one except my partner knows I'm not going home at night.
Anyway I've begged him (in an email on Monday) to be more pro-active about his physical and metal health - to make appointments with all the specialists to whom he has referrals.
I am just really sad and really confused.
})
