Topic Tuesday // Creating and maintaining social connections // Tues 20 Nov, 7pm AEDT

[jess_27]

@Adge I think it is important to aknowledge the courage it takes to reach out in the way. 

Sometimes forcing ourselves to go to social things is good (I often do this to fight through my anxiety) but other times it can he hurtful. It is important to know yourself and know the difference. 

[Zoe7]

I do actually prefer to be alone with my fur babies but being part of this forum has opened me up to other possibilities. I do like the anonymous feeling of being here although there are several connections here that I believe I could sustain IRL also @jess_27 - there are certainly connections I see here as real friendships and would be more lost without them. The tricky thing for me is that real life friendships bring a whole new set of expectations that I don't think I can follow through with myself.

I have a Maltese SHih Tzu - Toby. He is pretty well known on the forum too lol

[jess_27]

Hi @Mazarita! 

I love your post. 

I think you are so right that the depths that Bipolar can take you to can be a really good teacher. 

I think something that it is important to highlight is that a person doesn't necesarily have to know about your mental illness or all the details to be a good friend. I have some friends who I see and never talk about my mental illness. Other friends are different and we talk about it all the time. It is important to clarify those expectations in friendships. 

[Adge]

Thanks @jess_27 Yes courage it does take.

My psychologist had to work on me for months - to get me to even consider phoning a Helpline (too scary).

She said that I could tell the phone helpline person that my psych had told me to phone them for Homework, to get used to the idea.

So I did say that, the first time I phoned (they didn't mind).

Adge

[jess_27]

@Zoe7 That makes complete sense to me.  🙂 And it is so lovely how the forum has opened up your world. I feel much the same way about my football team. It introduced me so many new people I would never otherwise had the chance of meeting. 

You are so right about expectations in friendships. This is where it is important to set up your boundaries. Your expectatuons matter too! Not just theirs! 🙂 

[jess_27]

@Adge Your psych sounds amazing! And that is such a great idea. Practice makes perfect, as they say. Though I much prefer 'practice makes permanent'. Cause a) who needs perfect? and b) we can also practice many problematic behaviours. 

[jess_27]

We've sort of touched on this already but this brings me to my next question:

Something I have found helpful in maintaining my relationships is communication. I often find that people want to support me but sometimes they don’t know how. They just need guidance. Something I will often say to my friends is ‘I need you to check on me, at least once a week. And be persistent, because I will lie and say “I’m fine.”’

How do you communicate with your loved ones to set boundaries for how you want support?

[Adge]

That reminds me @jess_27 My psych says "We're not perfect"...

I don't think she's keen on me trying to be perfect, because then maybe I would be too judgemental.

I'm already very self-critical.

Adge

[Zoe7]

I have gotten much better at setting boundaries with my family in being able to say no to things or to compromise when I am not feeling up to things. That has been a big issue in my life that has nothing to do with my MI but more about me not being able to set those boundaries. I am also getting better at saying what I need rather than 'sucking it up' and having to deal with their issues as well @jess_27 Sometimes I need not to have any further issues' to deal with when I am struggling with my own.

[jess_27]

That sounds like amazing progress @Zoe7! Could you give us some specific examples of you setting your boundaries? 🙂