Winter solstice

[tyme]

I hear you @Dimity . I hear how big this fear is. 

Just say, you don't have the surgery, will the result be worse? No need to answer me. Just something to consider.

You have every reason to feel fear. Also, with the pelvic floor surgery. This is no light matter.

I'm sorry to hear the helpline didn't help. Maybe next time it will?

Hugs @Dimity 

[Dimity]

It's over 2 months since I saw anyone i know. Over 3 weeks since I spoke to anyone I know if you don't count a call from my psychiatrist. 

When particularly anxious I thought to check my BP and it was 176/111.  I'm waiting to expire from a stroke and wouldn't be found.

I'm too scared to see my new psychologist,.. I don't know what to say. 

I see the eye surgeon Monday. 

I can't think straight or do much. Everything's a mess, including me.

[tyme]

Hey @Dimity ,

I hear it is hard and your anxiety sounds like it's heading to the point of being through the roof if it's not there already.

Please know you have a village around you here. There are members who have you in mind left, front, right and centre and want to be here to support you - myself included.

Hang in there @Dimity . Holding your hand.

Hugs

[NatureLover]

So sorry, @Dimity 😥 You sound at the end of your rope 😥

With your blood pressure, are you on blood pressure medication? Cos those figures are alarming 😥

And with the psychologist (if you do go back), can you show her what you've written here on the forums maybe? 

Sending care and wishes ❤ 

[Dimity]

Thanks @tyme @NatureLover 

Sorry to vent. I'm so nervous at reaching out and there's almost nothing here. A couple of neighbourhood houses that are a bit too far to walk to and that's it. 

Yes I'm on blood pressure meds but I don't think they work for spikes caused by anxiety. I have severe anxiety around the house and family issues. The health stuff is another layer. 

I'm finding it increasingly difficult to verbalise. I don't know what's happening there.

[tyme]

Hey @Dimity ,

Not having an 'out' sounds incredible tough. Do you find journalling or writing it down helpful?

I'm reading that there is so much going on right now that you are struggling to articulate it. Is that fair to say?

I read there is anxiety around verbalising. Do you think talking to a SANE counsellor on 1800 187 263 is something you can do?

[NatureLover]

Hi @Dimity , I didn't know that blood pressure meds don't work for spikes in anxiety 😥

Are you on anxiety meds then? I'm worried about your severe anxiety 🫂

Please don't be sorry to vent. That's what we're here for. 

When you say you're finding it difficult to verbalise, is that for speaking? Or for writing too? 

Sending care and wishes ❤ 

[Dimity]

Hello @NatureLover @tyme I wrote out a reply but the cat walked on the screen and deleted it. I'll try again some other time.

Thanks for caring.

[Dimity]

I'll try again.

@tyme yes it's hard to think through and articulate everything (some of it's complicated) and there's certainly anxiety about verbalising. Sometimes I can't think of anything to say and sometimes I try but stutter and stammer. I remember one of my sisters and my grandmother as being selective mutes.

@NatureLover I can be very slow replying in text because it takes a while to think of what to say.

I sometimes but not often write as an outlet - it's not really journaling because I shred it within a few days.

I'm not on any meds for anxiety.

I've used helplines several times now. It's hard to get through and not always helpful. 

I should summon the courage to go back to the psychologist but it's not easy.

I see the eye specialist Monday, so at least I'll have that over with soon.

[NatureLover]

I have hardly any words today but wanted to acknowledge your reply @Dimity , especially when it's hard to write / speak. 

Sending care...and hoping that your eye appt goes well 🤞