Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Billijean]

Thank you. I have to learn how to tag. It will take me a bit of time to navigate around this forum.
But already glad I'm here

[Billijean]

Thanks I will have a look.
To be honest, I don't really understand her mental illness but I want to

[tyme]

Understandably @Billijean . You are doing everything in the nature of a mother. 

Would a true mother want to see their child in pain? 

Any parent would want to take their child's pain away, even if it meant taking the pain on themselves.

I've been down the BPD path. I had to 'let go' before there was room change. The hardest thing for a parent is not knowing how long it will take. It actually places us in a state of grief. Like you have 'lost' a child.

I hear you @Billijean . The hurt is so real. Sometimes, it's about being cruel to be kind.

Sitting with you,

tyme

[Billijean]

Exactly it is greif. I know she is an adult woman and a very intelligent one, but for some reason she has only ever come to me as a child, and I respond accordingly.. it's an auto reaction and she knows how to trigger me.

[tyme]

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@Billijean wrote:

she knows how to trigger me.

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Precisely. 

Now it's about waiting for her to come to you. As @Krishna mentioned, keep those lines of communication open and welcome. A message once every so often: "I'm here if you need to talk" goes a long way. She may not respond immediately, but it will strike her heart strings. 

Having BPD often means being highly sensitive. They feel hurt like 3rd degree burns, but they also feel love overwhelm them.

All the best,

tyme

[Krishna]

Just type the @ symbol and names will appear in a drop down list and then just click on the name you wish to tag. Does take a little getting used to navigating the forum but you’ll get there. I also understand the pain and frustration of not being able to “fix” things with your daughter. Mental Health issues can’t be fixed with a Band-Aid and a kiss on the cheek, and as a mum that’s what you want to be able to do. My daughter has been unwell for over 10 years now and it’s taken me that long, putting my own mental and physical health at risk, to accept that this is something I can’t fix, can only support with love from afar. I still send weekly text messages, write letters and send little care packages once a month, never expecting or receiving a reply. I was receiving updated information about her well-being through her community mental health team until recently when she requested I no longer be involved in her life. The harsh reality of the situation is at times overwhelming and accepting it for what it is, is the only option. So for now , take good care of your own physical mental and spiritual well-being. 🙏

[Krishna]

@Billijean Just type the @ symbol and names will appear in a drop down list and then just click on the name you wish to tag. Does take a little getting used to navigating the forum but you’ll get there. I also understand the pain and frustration of not being able to “fix” things with your daughter. Mental Health issues can’t be fixed with a Band-Aid and a kiss on the cheek, and as a mum that’s what you want to be able to do. My daughter has been unwell for over 10 years now and it’s taken me that long, putting my own mental and physical health at risk, to accept that this is something I can’t fix, can only support with love from afar. I still send weekly text messages, write letters and send little care packages once a month, never expecting or receiving a reply. I was receiving updated information about her well-being through her community mental health team until recently when she requested I no longer be involved in her life. The harsh reality of the situation is at times overwhelming and accepting it for what it is, is the only option. So for now , take good care of your own physical mental and spiritual well-being. 🙏

[tyme]

How are things for you today @Billijean ?

Thinking of you,

tyme

[Billijean]

Hello tyme, I have been keeping myself busy in my back yard.  Keeping busy stops me from thinking to much.

I have read a few posts here from other mums who's adult children are similar. 

I have also been to a zoom meeting that onedoor has once a month, and that was also really helpful. 

My daughter is on a journey with her mental health and I'm not included. 

We have been speaking, but we keep conversations very light we don't talk emotions and that is better than nothing.