Suicidal 12 year old

[Ang-]

Please help, I need advise on how to help my 12 year old son who has adhd, anxiety,  depression and is now having suicidal thoughts, he expressed to a friend's daughter how he was feeling saying he wasn't sure how he felt but he hated life and wished he wasn't here 😢 💔  that he wished he had a gun with just 1 bullet 😢  my heart hurts reading his messaging, and what's worse than the messages is he feels like he can't talk to me, he straight up lied and said it wasn't him who sent the messages but cleanly it was, 😢 I was now got from him that he is feeling that way, I've asked him why but he just says I don't know, I assume he isn't comfortable talking to me?? Where do I start please help me I can't loose my son to suicide.   Prevention is key and this mumma doesn't know we're to start 

[Snowie]

Hi @Ang- 

Sorry to hear about your Son. It must be really difficult for both of you. I am glad you are reaching out for help.

Will tag a @moderator as they might be able to point you in the right direction.

[amber22]

Hey! @Ang- 

I'm so sorry that you're going through this challenging time with your son, it would be really tough and confronting to read those messages but also extremely hurtful that he wouldn't open up honestly to you about how he is feeling. But in saying that, often people can be very closed off about their mental health from the people closest to them for many reasons, but the most helpful thing would be to handle this situation with delicacy and care. 

The first thing I wanted to ask is if your son is getting any help from others that you know of? This could be a professional, or a supportive friend, or other family member? One of the most important things would be to make sure that he is surrounded by people that love and care for him so that he can feel like he does have a support system to rely on and open up to if he wishes when the time is right. 

Another thing that might be really helpful is reading up on how other parents might have approached similar situations with their children. I've found a couple articles that might be helpful to read through. It can be really confusing and majorly confronting for you as a parent, so knowing that your feelings are valid too, but also learning how best to communicate with your son about this could be really helpful for you right now. Here are the articles to have a read through when you're ready: 

- Suicide and teenagers

- How I helped my teen with thoughts of suicide

- What to do when you think your teen is suicidal 

- How to talk to your teen about suicide 

- Look after yourself when your child is in distress

I hope these resources help a bit, but please also remember to be kind to yourself and do things that help you as well, as this is a very tough situation to be in.

Sending you lots of virtual hugs,

Amber22

Thank you for the tag! @Snowie 

[Historylover]

That's a very distressing situation for you both, @Ang-. Is your son being bullied, left out? It sounds like his school, school mates or his schoolwork is weighing heavily on him. How is your family situation? Could it be contributing?

[tyme]

Hi there @Ang- ,

I'm sorry to hear about what's happening for your son. It must be such a scary place to be in. 

Is the school aware of what is happening for him? He may be more willing to speak to a school counsellor or wellbeing officer.

I'm also curious as to whether this is a way he is trying to communicate what's going on for him internally? 

Would he be willing to go with you to speak to a GP as soon as possible? 

[Bon_courage]

Hi @Ang- 

So sorry to hear about what you and your son are going through. As a parent and as someone with experience of a suicidal crisis I feel for you both. It's hard. Not being able to communicate and discuss the issue makes it even harder.

It sounds like you are doing all you can to get as much information and resources as possible to support your son.

Never under estimate the importance of just being there. Your son needs to know that he can open up to you when he feels ready.

Depending on where you live there are Safe Spaces/Safe Havens that are Peer run. These are places were your son can talk face to face with a Peer in a confidential and anonymous way about what is going on for him. 

https://www.health.nsw.gov.au/towardszerosuicides/Pages/safe-haven.aspx

Another good place for resources is Roses in the Ocean

https://rosesintheocean.com.au/resources-hub/

I hope this is of some help.

It's a difficult journey but rest assured you're not alone.

Keep safe.