Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Valiant83]

Is it okay to step away from my 40-year old ‘child’ when he’s angry and projecting that onto me? When he tells me to not talk because what I’m saying isn’t ‘right’ and I’m gaslighting him. His diagnosis is Personality Disorder so I understand this is all part of what’s not okay in his head but gosh, it hurts and I’m hurting from being too close to the situation. He’s determined to be irresponsible and continue to blame me for his problems - the promised mental health services are taking so long to contact him - I think it’s okay to protect myself but it hurts - either way it hurts! 

[tyme]

Yes it is okay to step away from your 40 year old child @Valiant83 . You come first in this. 

Do you mean Borderline Personality Disorder?

[Valiant83]

The diagnosis was Personality Disorder Type B - antisocial, borderline, histrionic, and narcissistic - which he exhibits to varying degrees in between periods of recognisable behaviours - I’m still learning what it all means even though he’s had the diagnosis for about 18mths

[tyme]

That's a tough one @Valiant83 . I'm hopping off now, but I hope to chat tomorrow evening - this time, from the perspective of someone with live experience of a personality disorder. And yes, to this day, the best thing is for my loved ones to have set boundaries with me - to protect themselves. I can't recommend this more.

You need to care for yourself.

[tyme]

How are you today @Valiant83 ?

[Valiant83]

hi @tyme - much better day today ... at work and had some tough conversations with staff and stakeholders ... feel like I managed myself well in those and reached some strong conclusions with responsibility and actions being appropriately accepted ... and now I'm online to provide myself with an alternative to buying a bottle of wine before heading home ... a new strategy for better self-care!

[tyme]

Good on you @Valiant83 . Making progress isn't always easy, but then again, things worth fighting for aren't easy either.

Your strength and determination shines through. Well done on focusing on your own self-care. Set and stick to those boundaries. At the same time, communicate them with your son so he knows what to expect. e.g. "When you are angry, I going to walk away. You can message me when you have calmed down and are ready to talk".... then walk off. It's hard at first, but you need to protect yourself.

[Valiant83]

It is tough and it's having something else to do so as not to get sucked back into the drama of his situation ... hence being here instead of just getting into the car and driving home ... he doesn't live with me BTW ... it's the empty house I'm avoiding!! Anyway, best get on the road and get a good night's sleep after a big day 😊

Thanks for checking in! Appreciate that 😄

[tyme]

Hey @Valiant83 ,

There is always someone online here. 

Please know you are not alone. We love your company and want to support you through this. Please continue to look after yourself. You deserve it.

[Valiant83]

Thanks @tyme ☺️