Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[kat99]

Hi all,

Quick history
I have been caring for my partner with a mental health diagnosis for the last 3yrs. He has been completely unable to work during this time. He has refused any professional help, up until two months ago (yay!!!) when he started seeing a psychologist once a fortnight. I have been working full-time to support us both.

I have my own history of complex mental health issues (including some that are still current), and I've been in treatment and having regular therapy for about 10yrs now. I've made lots of progress but there's still a lot to get through for me. I thought my partner getting into therapy at last would be helpful, and I'm sure it is, but in the meantime, it's just become more challenging for us both at home.

My overwhelm / despair / sadness

Recently, I've been more and more overwhelmed with life. My therapist pointed out that I'm actually in a 'caring' role for my partner. I hadn't thought about it this way until now. I suppose I've been trying to take care of my own mental and physical health, AND care for him, AND try and maintain our relationship, AND work full-time, AND keep up with the household and our pets, and other standard life things. 

I'm doing all the therapy and all the self-care things I possibly can (good food, regular exercise, journalling, candles, hobbies, time out etc). Yet I'm still at crisis/breakdown point a few times a week, every week. I've upped my sessions with my therapist to twice a week ($$ ouch), and I'm encouraging my partner to start seeing his psychologist once a week instead of fortnightly. 

So... where to go now?

Anyhow, because it's my first time thinking of myself as a 'carer', I'd love to explore what's out there in terms of practical support, even just for things around the home. The state of our house (messy, unclean, cluttered) is forever overwhelming me and I just can't fit in enough time to get on top of it.

Would anyone know if it's possible to access regular cleaning help/support under some kind of managed carer support program?
Or how about any short-stay weekend programs that offer respite or a break from caring responsibilities?
Or where can I find some further info?

I have started looking at many online resources, but there are SO many organisations and websites and I'm not sure where to start! They also all ask you to contact them by phone, and I struggle with severe anxiety about using the phone.

Any guidance would be much welcome.
Thank you.

PS: We have not signed up to NDIS at all, nor tried to access any Centrelink services (I doubt we'd be eligible because of my personal high income). 

[hanami]

Hi @kat99 

Welcome to the forums! Gosh you do have A LOT on your metaphorical plate right now. No wonder you feel at breaking point. You are indeed doing all the things the experts say to do. But still, it's a lot...life is a lot, our minds are a lot, the world is a lot. Sometimes we just need to sit and do absolutely nothing and not in the least feel bad about it. I did this a bit yesterday. I've been working on a few different projects flat chat, caring for a daughter recovering from surgery, daily life things, work....my husband went away to the snow and I just did absolutely zilch. 

BUT that doesn't really answer your question. Indeed I am thinking you are very much entitled to some support around the house. Others with lived experience will be better versed to help but have you contacted the carer's organisations such as https://www.carergateway.gov.au/ and https://www.carersaustralia.com.au/ 

That might be a good place to start. I get the whole telephone anxiety thing too. My daughter has it and I have to call on her behalf when she can't do things online. I'm thinking these two orgs will have online contact details though.

Best wishes

Hanami

[Saltbush]

Hi @kat99 just checking in to see how you are? And if you have sourced any assistance?

Can I ask if you communicate well with your partner, do you share how you are both feeling/coping? Does he know about all the things you shared on your last post?

I guess the reason I'm asking is that maybe he doesn't really understand how you feel or maybe you don't want to share how you feel because you think it might add to his MH burden?

Someone once told me that the best way to care for someone is to care for yourself first, so maybe you should continue your journey of working on you as the priority and assisting your partner when you are able to? I know that might sound selfish but if you keep going the way it is you are at risk of going backwards not forwards.

Please feel free to chat and share at any time.