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Historylover
Senior Contributor

Is anyone able to help?

@Shaz51 @Maggie @chibam @Owlunar @greenpea and all others - especially those who may have had similar experiences:  is ANYONE able to help us?  To bring total cure - or is therapy just a RUSE - a merry-go-round of medication and dosage changes, costly consultations - year in, year out, unnecessary or incorrect diagnoses and no improvement? We are not supposed to be treated - we are supposed to be CURED - rendering further treatment unnecessary!

 

For me - I had been completely cured - and then my psychiatrist brutally abandoned me after promising friendship - throwing me under the bus.  He cured my Depression and  undid the damage to my personality - then destroyed me.  Who does that?

 

How mentally ill are psychiatrists?  I don't recall if I mentioned it earlier - but I saw another psychiatrist for two consultations to try to understand and come to terms with this abandonment but he thought it funny - what men do to women - and how clever my ex-psychiatrist was - a master of deception!  One of the guys!  And they all have each other's back.

 

I know we have to help ourselves but I've been doing that and everything just keeps closing in on me.  I can't see my way clear.  

 

What do you do when your ex-psychiatrist isolated you so that you were completely dependent on him, and then when he abandoned you after following his advice and instructions to the letter - ruining your life - is still the one you turn to help you understand why he did this? 

 

Despite being retired for quite some time, he still has a website and I STILL e-mail him from time to time trying to get him to take responsibility for destroying my life and help me to understand - is he REALLY a narcissist?  Did he REALLY do such a malicious thing to a trusting and vulnerable patient intentionally?  Of course, he doesn't reply.  I expect he collects my e-mails to show what a nuisance I am - such a difficult case!  Probably tells his wife - it's her again - see how lucky you are to have me, wife?  I guess this is definitely a Trauma Bond.

 

Can anyone help me?   

51 REPLIES 51

Re: Is anyone able to help?

Hi there @Historylover  while I know it can be frustrating when you're not finding your psychiatrist helpful, each professional is different and I encourage you to keep reaching out but perhaps try someone different. No two are the same so it might take you a few goes. I'm sorry to hear that you had such a bad experience, but let's not let that discourage you or others from reaching out and working towards their wellbeing goals. 

Re: Is anyone able to help?

It kinda does sound like narcissistic behaviour, and totally unethical. The best thing to do is find a new psychiatrist and a psychologist who can help you through this.

Re: Is anyone able to help?

Thankyou for you reply @moxi but unfortunately you have not understood.  I stopped seeing my psychiatrist twenty years ago.  I was completely cured - no Depression and my damaged personality was healed.  I was fine.  He was still practising and told me to keep busy until, according to his advice, I was to join his social group - when my family sorted itself out - or after he retired.  I just left it to him.  I did not ask him for friendship - he offered it!   

 

I considered he knew what he was doing and he had shown himself to be 'trustworthy' - or so I thought.  Twenty years later when I had built my life around his promised friendship - he withdrew his promise - after isolating me completely and giving me financial advice which cost me my future security.  It is not time to find a new psychiatrist, @moxi - it is time to understand what on earth is going on in the field of psychiatry! 

 

Many say that the field is underfunded but throwing more money at the problem will not fix it.  No-one is being cured - only 'diagnosed', medicated and 'treated' indefinitely - and the so-called "mentally ill" are creating an ever-increasing back-log as more and more join the queue. 

 

Accountability is completely absent.  The only ones benefitting are the therapists who are enriching themselves and keeping their appointment books filled.  

 

I had a psychiatrist who actually cured me.  I don't see others being other than 'diagnosed', medicated and enduring ongoing consultations without cure - while enriching therapists of highly questionable integrity and skill.  It concerns me greatly.  

 

I am not naive generally - except when dealing with a master of deception, it seems.  I have studied broadly - studying medical textbooks, society and human behaviour.  I have discussed deep issues with my ex-psychiatrist and he gave me considerable insight into the field of psychiatry - showed me what is possible - and what is actually going on.  I do not speak from naivety and ignorance. 

 

I would suggest the works online by Dr. Niall McLaren - a psychiatrist who among many others is calling the profession for what it is.  @chibam recently recommended the lectures of a most well-informed lady on youtube regarding, especially, diagnoses.  I will see if I can find them for anyone interested in what is in their best interest to know.  Everyone should be informed - don't you think?  Don't trust others to have our best interests at heart.  We have to first do that for ourselves!

 

Found it:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tgilBaRbulc  I recommend those interested in their own well-being take the time to listen to what she has to say.  We all have to ensure we have as much information as possible and form opinions well-based on our own commonsense and research.

 

Also, I have found Dr. Niall McLaren's online papers concerning his profession worth reading by anyone interested in their own well being.  From my own reading of Dr. McLaren to date, I have found his works enlightening. 

 

Niall McLaren, Author at Mad In America

 

My point is - I do not NEED a psychiatrist!  My ex-psychiatrist does!  He, it seems, is a covert narcissist!  I just don't know what to do now that my life has been ruined by him. 

Paula J. Caplan, PhD, discusses the unscientific nature of psychiatric diagnoses and how much harm they cause. She also reveals that psychiatrist Allen Frances, who for years has claimed that he could not possibly have foreseen the epidemics in psychiatric diagnosing of children -- which emerged ...

Re: Is anyone able to help?

Thankyou @Triquetra, but to be honest - I'd rather just talk to ordinary people who actually, genuinely give a damn about others and who are not lining their pockets while either being out of their depth or just pretending to have our best interest at heart.  

Re: Is anyone able to help?

Hi @Historylover 

 

It's good to see you again - we all need time out from time to time and it's good that you cared for yourself - we need to put ourselves first when it comes to our well-being

 

I think you wrote that we are all affected by a disorder of some kind - sort of like a spectrum - and of course doctors are not immune - and yours certainly acted in a very circumspect manner - (I am trying to be politically correct here). People who seek therapy for mental health issues are vulnerable and need to be cared for gently - you didn't get treated appropriately which was unkind - and I do hope in time you can recover

 

I was lucky that I had a very caring and professional psychiatrist when my son was going though the last months of his life and I had reactive depression, anxiety and PTSD. Whatever was happening this doctor listened to me and wherever I was on the disorder spectrum he respected it - and I guess I was really lucky finding this guy. 

 

Who cares for us and how will vary and opinions differ too - I have chronic pain and different pain specialists have different ideas. The guy I am seeing now has been really proactive with his treatments but still - pain can only be managed and controlled but not cured - we can only do our best and perhaps a lot of the healing is up to us - but you do make a valid point

 

You wrote

 

I know we have to help ourselves but I've been doing that and everything just keeps closing in on me.  I can't see my way clear.  

 

And I think this is important - we do have to help ourselves - whatever the ailment is - but we need caring and helpful people in charge of the professional side - and we deserve this. It seems you were dealt an indifferent hand when it came to a sus professional - and perhaps sending him the occasional email might work - at least he won't forget

 

But also - from what you have written before - you do see the status quo - caring for ourselves is part of the deal

 

Can anyone help you? I guess as peers we have an understanding that professional people may or may not have - we have been through the mill at different levels in the spectra - and we know the nitty-gritty - and we do care for each other here - so being a "peer" I am happy to help when I can and will.

 

Sending best wishes

 

Dec

 

 

Re: Is anyone able to help?

Thankyou for your reply @Owlunar.  It's always nice to get responses, isn't it?  And from people who have known us since our first posts - especially so, as they have an even greater understanding of our situation.

 

I know neither you nor anyone else can solve the problems my ex-psychiatrist has so skilfully inflicted on me.  I am the one in this mess and I am the only one who sees it clearly.  I just can't see my way out of it.  I now know that is what he intended. He is a psychiatrist.  How can I outplay such skilful deceit which had, unknown to me, set me up for failure at every turn?  

 

I don't know what his problem is - whether he hates women or whether he has intense hatred for Western women in particular.  Or if he has taken revenge for every perceived misdeed inflicted on him in his life on a vulnerable, trusting patient because no-one will make him accountable for it.  Perhaps a combination.  Whatever - he is a very troubled person.  I wonder if I was the only one he did this to.  I now doubt it.

 

As for e-mailing him - I corresponded with Dr. Niall McLaren - a well-known psychiatrist - regarding this entire matter.  He tells it like it is concerning what it going on in psychiatry.  He told me not to e-mail him - to avoid him completely.  He is quite right.  I already knew that.  I am just feeding his need to know how much I am hurting.  However I have a seemingly unbreakable Trauma Bond with him.  No matter how much I try not to, I keep e-mailing him trying to make him feel something.  Some remorse.  Some sense of responsibility.  Some humanity.  To give me understanding.

 

I hope you are well Dec.

 

I see there are some interesting things happening in the skies this month.  Perhaps that is so every month for those in the know.    

 

 

Re: Is anyone able to help?

Hi @Historylover . Smiley Happy Long time, no chat!

 

To answer your title question, I've been (slightly) encouraged recently by some government publications that seem to convey the message that the government is finally beginning to realize how terrible the character of the mental health industry is, and are looking to proceed with policies that curtail the mental health system's harmful nature, give stronger voices to the patients and other people who are suffering/in need of help, and place emphasis on measures that address real-world problems rather then attacking/altering the brains of people who are distressed as a result of those problems.

 

The mental health industry is so dirty, it was never going to miraculously infuse itself with virtue. Realistically, the only possible place that the correction could've come from was from government intervention. But I never genuinely believed that there was any serious hope of that happening - at least not in my lifetime. Yet now... I get the impression that they are actually coming down upon the mental health system and trying to reinvent the entire landscape so that there will be someone who is truly able to help us! Smiley Very Happy

 

That being said, when it comes to anything to do with the government, the proof is in the pudding. Frankly I won't be convinced that they are actually going to help us until they actually do.

 


@Historylover wrote:
Can anyone help me?

In terms of understanding what your ex-therapist's intentions were, probably not, I'm afraid. We never truly know what someone is/was thinking unless they decide to tell us, so if your therapist has resolved himself to cut off all contact with you, they sad truth is probably that you will never know what is/was going on in his mind, as infurating as that might be.

 

I actually heard a quote that's relevant to this recently. It went something like: "If you can't understand someone's behavior, look at the end result and then speculate that that was the intention from the very beginning." It's not an infallable investigation technique, but in the absence of any better means of understanding a situation, it's a decent way to figure things out.

 


@Historylover wrote:
...I saw another psychiatrist for two consultations to try to understand and come to terms with this abandonment but he thought it funny - what men do to women - and how clever my ex-psychiatrist was - a master of deception! One of the guys! And they all have each other's back.

Oh, it's not a gender thing, believe you me. (Even though it might often feel like it is) My female therapist got her fair share of kicks from manipulating me. And the sexism was very overt in our sessions; insinuations of me having biological defects because my values/feelings didn't align with her idea of how a man is supposed to think, pidgeonholing the roles of men and women in hetero retaltionships into a commercial exchange of services, ect.

 

I sometimes suspect that there is a deliberate agenda in demonizing the other gender amongst these people in order to isolate & divide us. But, IMHO, the real problem isn't men being assholes to women or women being assholes to men; the real problem is therapists being assholes to patients. The genders involved are incidental.

 

EDIT: BTW, I should probably state that my ability to respond might be a bit sporadic for a while. My computer has decided it's going to be a bit of a prat. I never know from one day to another whether it's going to boot up properly or not.

Re: Is anyone able to help?

Hello @chibam   You can't imagine how good it is to hear from you.  It has been so long I had wondered if I had done or said something wrong.  Perhaps we just need to understand how the other works.

 

I am a bit disadvantaged today having mislaid my specs - probably left them at the shops.  Back to using a magnifying glass!

 

As for your quote I thoroughly agree having come to that conclusion myself - i.e. the results of another's behaviour speaks volumes as to their intent,  He has absolutely broken me - destroyed me in every way.  

 

How have you been?   I hope somethings are going well for you.

 

I see you are still keeping your finger on the pulse regarding what is going on in the mental health system.  When I started my Depression treatment so long ago the system was completely different. When I hear others speak now I am bewildered as to how the system thinks it is helpful for people to have to wait weeks and months to see someone when they are in crisis - and often for 10 consultations in a year?  How does it help to have such constraints?  How does it help when no help is forthcoming anyway?

 

The whole system - 'industry' - is so destructive - "dirty" as you so accurately say.  We patients think that we are getting help and it's not until we have exited the system so damaged by those who only pretended to know what they were doing - or who had malicious intent - that we understand what is truly going on.  Put it out there and so often there are those who say that the system is helping some people.  I'm more than disgusted.  And still others think that getting a diagnosis is helpful and even the purpose of treatment without realizing that it doesn't help at all and is probably wrong anyway!  But I'm just waffling on.  It is just so good to hear from you.

 

As I said I still e-mail him - the worst thing I could do, I know, but he has made me completely dependent on him.  i can't break the bond.  I actually keep him informed as to my suffering hoping he'll feel something but I am sure he is enjoying every minute.  I wonder if his wife knows who he is.  He has been retired for quite a few years and probably has the website there just for the purpose of monitoring my demise knowing I would seek him out as per the bond he set up so well.  Perhaps there are others, too.  

 

I am sorry for being on such a downer.  I felt well this morning and then I went into another bout of distress when I remember the situation I am in.  He has messed me up so thoroughly.  

 

Stay well, @chibam.  It's always good to hear from you - and all others of course.  I think we are the only ones who genuinely care about each other.  I hope somethings have improved for you.

 

 

Re: Is anyone able to help?

Hi @Historylover ,


@Historylover wrote:

Hello @chibam   You can't imagine how good it is to hear from you.  It has been so long I had wondered if I had done or said something wrong.


Sorry about that. I'm not very good at keeping things flowing once a conversation seems to have 'died'; once it feels like everything's been said that needs to be said. Also, I'm quite a sporadic user of these forums. I dip in and out depending on whether I feel like I'm up for a wander around the forums, with their often-depressing content. It's a venture you need the strength of morale to undertake, you know? Like, if your feeling emotionally exhausted, you probably aren't up for a session of wandering around a forum full of everybody else's troubles, you know? Maybe that's just me.

 

It also depends on what else is going on in my life; whether I have the time to get involved in forum discussions.

 

I see some users on here who are dilligent SANE contributors. Multiple posts of substance, every single day without fail. I'm afraid that's just not me. I just pop in and out from time to time as best I can.

 


@Historylover wrote:

How have you been?   I hope somethings are going well for you.


Same old, same old, I'm afraid. Smiley Indifferent

 


@Historylover wrote:

When I started my Depression treatment so long ago the system was completely different. When I hear others speak now I am bewildered as to how the system thinks it is helpful for people to have to wait weeks and months to see someone when they are in crisis - and often for 10 consultations in a year?  How does it help to have such constraints?


Do they believe these delays and limitations are helpful? I've only ever heard the system complaining about these things; protesting to the government that they need much more money and resources to get rid of these obstacles. As far as I've seen, they freely acknowledge that delayed access and limitations on sessions are massive handicaps for their patients' recoveries; but they are bound by their own lack of resources.

 


@Historylover wrote:

How does it help when no help is forthcoming anyway?


THIS, as far as I'm concerned is the real problem. And with all the fuss that's traditionally been made about the lack of funding & resources, it's always upset me that nobody calls out the fact that injecting more money and resources into a system that does no good only means that they will continue to do no good at double the speed and efficiency that they've traditionally had. In other words, they will only become better at what they already do: wasting patients' time and harming them.

 

The discussion has been so dominated by the "we don't have enough funding" voices that, up until recently, the voices protesting the foul character of the system went largely unheard. But I really get the impression that that's starting to change now. Just last month, the Suicide Prevention Minister put out a new draft policy booklet indicating that the government wishes to appoint currant & former suicidal people to be the foremost policymakers and media spokespeople in the field of suicide, as opposed to the more traditional "experts". The document also made constant referance to the fact that the system's failings are almost entirely in attitude, intent & behavior, and not largely rooted in a lack of money.

 

I can hardly believe it, but it is really starting to seem like the government are finally starting to see the true nature of the system's ugliness.

 


@Historylover wrote:

The whole system - 'industry' - is so destructive - "dirty" as you so accurately say.  We patients think that we are getting help and it's not until we have exited the system so damaged by those who only pretended to know what they were doing - or who had malicious intent - that we understand what is truly going on.  Put it out there and so often there are those who say that the system is helping some people.  I'm more than disgusted.  And still others think that getting a diagnosis is helpful and even the purpose of treatment without realizing that it doesn't help at all and is probably wrong anyway!


Well, I can't argue with another person's sincerely testifying to their own experiance, even if I can't understand it. We all have the right so say what we've been through and what did and didn't work for us.

 

Still, I must admit that sometimes I can't help but wonder whether I am listening to a person's genuine, self-determined perception of their own situation, or whether I'm hearing things that the system has brainwashed them into saying. I fully accept that people can be very differant from me and can experiance things in ways I would never understand. But that being said, sometimes the things I hear don't entirely seem 'natural', if you know what I mean? It's usually in the langauge; the phrases people use and the way they frame concepts. Often it's hard to imagine a person naturally coming to phrase things the way they do - and it speaks more to the likelihood that the system has in some way dictated their views about their situation. But maybe that's just me being unkind. Maybe it's just my prejudice against the system. We are all blind to our own faults, aren't we? That's what makes being part of society so scary, IMHO. How much harm are we doing just by being who we are?

 


@Historylover wrote:

I am sorry for being on such a downer.  I felt well this morning and then I went into another bout of distress when I remember the situation I am in.  He has messed me up so thoroughly.


I suspect we all have moments like that; when the grim reality just pushes it's weight down on us - seemingly without any specific trigger. You don't need to apologize for it.Smiley Happy

 

I'm sorry, BTW, to hear about your ongoing struggles with your ex-therapist. It sucks, doesn't it, when they get inside our heads and we can't figure out how to get them out again? I'm afraid I don't have any answers or remedies to offer. But I hope things improve for you, regardless.Smiley Happy

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