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Lumara
Casual Contributor

Discrete Service

 looking for a service to assist in removing belongings etc discretely so this isn't left for my family to deal with.

20 REPLIES 20

Re: Discrete Service

Hello @Lumara and welcome to the forums. The people here are friendly and supportive. 

How are you? It sounds as though you're trying to deal with some important issues by yourself and not wanting to trouble your family. The most important thing is are you safe?

Personally I've been struggling with decluttering and wanting to downsize for a while. There are threads here dealing with that. There are also social threads where people check in and say hello and others where they celebrate goals and achievements. If there's a particular person you want to connect with you can tag them eg @Shaz51 @Judi9877 @Determined @HenryX who might be able to help welcome you and offer suggestions.  I'll also tag you into my thread The magic of tidying where you're welcome to join the discussion and compare notes. 

If you're not feeling safe you can tag @Former-Member who will check in with you. 

Best wishes

Dimity

Re: Discrete Service

Hello @Lumara 

 

@Dimityhas covered a good deal about forum contacts and interaction.

 

Your post,

"looking for a service to assist in removing belongings etc discretely so this isn't left for my family to deal with."

is fairly brief,so I have difficulty knowing whether you are asking for suggestions or guidance about accessing removal services, assistance with sorting of items or ensuring the least amount of intrusion into the process - reference "discreetly". You may even simply want to share the process of downsizing for which there are quite a few contacts and threads here. @Dimity's thread The magic of tidying is one of the good resources for sharing ideas.

 

While maintaining anonymity, would you mind clarifying what it is that you would like from forum members.

 

With Best Wishes

@HenryX 

Re: Discrete Service

Dear @Lumara please be safe ,this post feels concerning although I may be jumping to conclusions please still stay safe ❤️

Re: Discrete Service

Hi Lumara 👋 

 

It sounds as though you’ve made the decision to get your belongings removed discretely for some reason. On this kind of forum, it reads as though you are currently unsafe.

 

Without further context, it reads as though you either want the information so you can run with and act on it without further questions or discussion - or you desperately want people to ask so you can get the help you need.

 

So I can’t even guess at what you’re feeling right now. I’m going to assume that a tiny part of you feels heard and will cling to the life raft of contact here.

 

I don’t know anything about your circumstances, nor how long you’ve been ‘holding on’ or ‘staying strong’ for. I don’t know if this is an impulsive or planned thought/post, or anything else. And a part of you knows that, too. Perhaps that part also wants me to enquire?

 

All of your self-protective mechanisms might be rushing in to save you by getting angry/guarded/defensive/irritated on your behalf. You’ve stuck around this long, so while I don’t know much, I do know that you’re physically and emotionally pragmatic. Clearing your stuff proactively, sharing only what’s needed to get the job done.

 

In case you can’t tell, I am less pragmatic. I don’t care if your house is an unholy mess as much as I care about you getting the support you need for any part of you that might be in danger of making decisions that are designed to calm itself down to the detriment of literally everything else.

 

As a stranger on the Internet, I have no right to be anxious for you or tell you to ‘hold on’, so I will do neither of those things. Instead, I will whisper to your defences: you’ve done a good thing by asking the question here. Keep doing that.

 

I know a mod has been tagged, but I feel the need to be honest with you and say I’m going to do some sleuthing to see if I can’t find someone more senior than myself to see if they can help as well. Because the last thing any of us want is for any hidden sad part of you to be over-‘protected’ by other parts of you that feel unable to sit with it.

 

I don’t understand what you’re going through, but I understand what it is like to feel overwhelmed. Take my digital hand in the darkness and know that it does not feel overwhelmed. It is just here, as long as you need, offering compassion to go with your admirable pragmatism 🤝

Re: Discrete Service

Hey there @Lumara

Welcome to the SANE forums. I am one of the moderators. 

Unfortunately, being a peer support forum and in line with the community guidelines, we won't be able to give you details of a specific professional service. It looks like our members are already thinking of ways to help you though. I hope you find this a safe and welcoming community! 

 

It would be worth giving our Help Centre a call on 1800 187 263 (Mon-Fri, 10am-10pm) or chat to us via sane.org to see if we can help you with this.

 

If you do need some one-to-one support please contact a 24hr service:

Lifeline 13 11 14

Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467

 

Hope to see you around,

Sphinxly 🙂 

Re: Discrete Service

Hi @Lumara! If you are unsafe, please call 000. If you are thinking about suicide, please call Lifeline 131114 or get face-to-face support. Somebody cares about you.

Re: Discrete Service

Hi @HenryX, I hope @Lumara is just considering downsizing their house clutter... At least they know about crisis support now too, as I've referenced it, just in case. Maybe I'm just over-reacting... But one never knows.

Re: Discrete Service

Thinking along similar lines too, @LostAngel! I hope you're ok as well, luv!

Re: Discrete Service

Hi @Lumara . Welcome to the forums! 🙂

 

I'm having difficulty understanding precisely what you mean.

 

If you are talking about a service that removes your belongings after you've passed, without any engagement with your family, there probably isn't a service that can help you, since once a person passes, there needs to be a whole probate legal process to determine who the legal owner of the deceased person's property is. Only once these legal formalities are complete, can a company/service begin moving said property - and only then, with the new legal owner's consent.

 

I'm not a lawyer, so that may not be totally accurate, but that's my amateur understanding of the relevant laws.

 

If you are saying that you want to remove your belongings now, but you see that as a difficult task as you want to accomplish it in such a way that your family won't notice; that is, also a tricky problem.

 

Most removal firms probably don't stick to a stringent schedule, and you would probably have difficulty finding one that's discrete.

 

The only thing that I can suggest is that you might be able to get useful information from a domestic abuse support organization.

 

Abused partners often have to flee their homes very quickly, and leave all their belongings behind. Subsequently, if they are determined to return to their homes and retrieve belongings they are not willing to part with, they need to be able to return to their homes discretely, feeling safe that they are in no risk of encountering their abusive partner while they retrieve their belongings.

 

I have no idea how they manage to perform this process so securely, but I'm sure that the organizations that deal with these situations know how the process works. So maybe they might have a few ideas?

 

Regardless, I wish you nothing but the best, and I hope that things get much, much better for you.

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