Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[rana]

Hi ALL fellow carers,

my wife of 30 years has just been diagnosed with a schizophrenic condition and hearing voices. She has left the family home and is living with relatives, the voices are focussed on me and she wont allow me to contact her in any way, she says she is scared of me, even though there has been no type of domestic trauma to make her like this,  it is like she has no recognition of our time together and the items in our home which were important to her now mean nothing. when i send her messages of love and support there is no reply, i am totally distraught, has anyone got a relevant experience and does the care and love we shared ever return to her needs. 

Should i not try and contact her or should i continue to send reminders of our love and times together.

[Ashleigh]

Hi @rana I feel I relate strongly to your situation. My mother and I have had a long and difficult relationship over the past few years which saw my mental health decline significantly. I confronted my mum to see if she would hear me out and try to understand where I was coming from after providing her with 10 years of support with her mental health, yet she shut me out. Similar to your wife. She returned all my baby photots, my school awards, anything from her life that resembled having me as a daughter.

I can honestly say it has been a few tough months, probably the toughest of my young life. Trying to deal with those feelings of loss, abandonment, sadness and depression all the while sititng and thinking consistently, will I ever have a relationship with my mum again? Much like you I have 'left the door' open for a relationship to continue however she continues to ignore me in every way possible. Which is incredibly hard to sit with because you are at a loss, each time. 

For me I am taking this time to work on myself and try and get myself into a better space. I have been talking alot with my friends and some family about my situation which often offers me comfort, guidance and reasurance when I have been struggling. I would really encourage you to reach out to those around you to help you during this space. It is much more helpful then you think.  

[Amour_Et_Psyché]

Hi @rana 

I can't imagine the heartbreak and loss you must be going though, given your wife cannot remember your time together. It seems to me that you may be feeling like your life and its foundation has been somewhat uprooted; thereby feeling lost and without a sense of direction? I can imagine this would leave anyone with overwhelming uncertainty about the future. I know it can be hard in times like this to care for oneself, but I was just wondering, are you taking time out to look after yourself?

Know that you are not alone here on the forums. Many are experiencing pain, loss of a loved one's presence, and a loss of direction. I encourage you to continue posting and reaching out for support here! 

However, if you are looking for additional supports, perhaps you could reach out to Relationships Australia (Relationships Australia is a leading provider of relationship support services for individuals, families and communities) or Lifeworks (Relationship, Individual and Family Counselling, Dispute Resolution Services, Relationship & Parenting Education, Intercountry Adoption Support and more). I have listed their details, below:

Relationships Australia:

1300 364 277

https://www.relationships.org.au/

Lifeworks:

1300 543 396

https://lifeworks.com.au/

Additionally, you may wish to call or contact Carers Australia: 1800 242 636 OR http://www.carersaustralia.com.au/

Please take care of yourself!

Kind Regards,

Amour_Et_Psyché

[Oby46]

Hi @rana I am looking for some of the same answers myself and I can say these forums have been very helpful.

My own partner of 10 years recently decided to end our relationship earlier this year. She suffers from severe depression and began to seek help from psychics and other sources. Not the same as hearing voices but nonetheless quite influential. Her family are little help as most of them don't understand mental illness and encourage her to be more like them (excessive drinkers).

The downslide was very sudden. For most of the 10 years I was regarded as a blessing for my partner. Constant praise from her father for making his daughter happier than she had ever been. Now everything is the exact opposite. Her family apply constant pressure to her not to ever see me again. One of them calls me the anti-christ.

I can't deny the feeling of rejection is very strong. It definitely hurts a lot when I know I don't deserve their criticism.

For a few months I still had some hope things would turn around but eventually I came to realise there is nothing I can do. I still love and care about her the same as I always did. The advice many will give you is that now is the time to look after yourself. It's hard but true.

[Ashleigh]

@Oby46 I am so sorry for what you have been through, it definitely sounds like a battle. I hope you are looking after yourself because at times it does feel like that is the only thing you can do to try and get yourself through.