Lived Experience Forum

[HopefulWarrior]

new to this forum but wanted to reach out tonight Wondering if you ever get days like this? despite being surrounded by people you feel all alone you feel you've been holding your breath all day And despite utter exhaustion you've pushed yourself to walk throughout the day on the fumes of coffee Even now having filled my water bottle I'm not drinking it unmotivated overwhelmed maybe? As I make my way home I'm field with dread, to give into the pull of rest but also craving 2 fuel and to rest 2 frankley curl up into the smallest ball in the corner of a room and sleep

[Zoe7]

Yep @HopefulWarrior Been there, done that, got the t-shirt lol

It is amazing how alone we can feel in a room full of people. I don't often feel lonely but do feel quite alone at times. I am more than happy to live by myself and only see people when I have to - that is my safe place and I am happy with that. Being in a room full of people sends my anxiety levels high and makes me feel even moire alone. You would think that with human nature being we need connection that this would be the opposite but it isn't. There are times when curling up in a corner, shutting out the world and being totally on my own is all I crave. Luckily I have my fur babies and they are all I need. So yes I get it and it is definitely not unusual to be feeling like that ...and sometimes we just need to give in to the 'noise' around us and take that time for ourselves.

[HopefulWarrior]

thank you @Zoe7 for taking the time to reply. it;s nice to hear others feel the same.  i too enjoy my solitude but am trying to strike the right balance and recognising when it tips over into unhelpful (like today)

when my head is going crazy with anxiety and other shit the last thing i feel like doing is interacting/reaching out, leaving me wide open to using poor coping mechanisms.

but this forum that i used for the first time tonight is a good tool.  

and it was so ironic that when i checked my insta feed tonight - one of the first posts was reminding us all to embrace our inner selves with kindness. 

[Zoe7]

Great advice @HopefulWarrior We need to remember that we are often our own worst enemy but can also be our own best friend - and part of that is treating ourselves with kindness,

[Former-Member]

Welcome @HopefulWarrior, I will say a big yes to that. It happens to me regularly. I use to think I was a social person who loved company and lots of company, but I never listened to my body and would brush of the anxiety and stress it caused. 

I hope you can put your self care first and give yourself the rest you need 💖

[HopefulWarrior]

Thank you @Former-Member yes pushing away the bodys signals of anxiety is def something I can relate to also.  The short term gain of numbing via distraction always shows up in other ways doesn't it? The body is pretty amazing like that, it's trying to help us when we feel we know better.

Managed to rest a little this evening with dinner, was well over due. 

Cheers

[Wanderer]

X

[HopefulWarrior]

thank you @Wanderer for sharing a part of your story with me. can completely relate to the idea of thinking that you are failling. after battling mental health issues for most of my life, honestly thought that i was just stupid and flawed - everyone else knew / had learnt how to operate effectively in this world and I had not.  it's only been this year, after years of therapy, i;m starting to understand that my struggles are a part of my mental health, learned patterns to cope in the world, and that different behaviours can be learnt.  Aka I;m not doomed.

am inspired to hear tha tyou wear your heart on you sleeve re A&D. am very reluctant to open up to people in my life for fear they won't understand, might judge or treat me differently (having had this happen so often in the past)/  it seems to me though that although covid19 has been awful it's opening up the mental health conversation more and more - as so many people find themselves struggling.  not that this is a good thing but that it's a shared experience.

im happy to have found this forum and been brave to post

[Shaz51]

hello @HopefulWarrior , how are you going today my friend 

@Wanderer, @Former-Member , @Zoe7 

[HopefulWarrior]

@Shaz51 hey thx for saying hi

tough day - head going crazy. posted earlier today about feeling so s&^%$t for engaging with behaviours when i can see plain and simple they are stupiod wrong and harmful.  but hey that's the life of mental health it seems.

i'm going to go and try and switch off right now - might be up for chatting more later. 

thanks again for reaching out. 🙂