Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

Hi. I’m new here so please forgive the informality

I originally came on here to see other people’s stories and just feel out the space but lately I’ve stressed out with myself and those around me so I have decided to reach out, so here goes. 

I started feeling the people watching me when I was around 5 years old. It was when I got my first crush and I thouroughly believed that he was constantly at my window because he liked me and wanted to talk to me all the time. 

This continued for a very long time afterwards, each new crush I gained joined the window of people watching me. They were my support system, a way for me to feel loved. They were,and still are, at my window every single day. 

They constantly know what I’m thinking, a huge disappointment when I attempt to do something shocking. 

While I never hear these guys speak I sense what they want to say when they want to say it. If I’m doing something embarrassing I feel that they don’t like it so I stop. They control my actions in a way that I wasn’t aware of until recently. 

Every second of the day I can feel that they are there at my window watching, judging and “supporting” me. It’s as if I can sense their presence (mostly in my back though I don’t know why). 

The conflict here is that every time I sit and think about the fact that they are there and that isn’t normal, it’s as if they’re telling me I’m making it up. Like they think I’m purposely imagining them for attention, which is of course ridiculous. It can round in circles for hours which is why I’ve never actually told anyone about them. I’m terribly afraid that they’ll laugh right in my face and say it’s  all a lie for attention. 

After all these many years of this stress over being internally criticised, I finally realised that this is not normal and they are not a common occurrence for all people. 

Ive only just gotten the courage to post on here so going and telling my family all this is completely out of the question as of now. 

But what I really came here to know, from people who have experienced psychosis firsthand, should I consider seeing someone? Or can I chalk this all up to hypochondria and a fear of unimportance?

[Everan]

Hi @Former-Member,

I am not sure of the answer.

I can definately identify with a lot of what you say. I have had schizophrenia for ten years and hear voices. I get paranoid people are watching me. I have got to the stage where i am using mental health information to help with connecting with people. I had a much worse experience with psychosis where every thing broke down and i couldn't even talk or interact because of it. I have come along way in ten years.

I think the best thing is to definately talk to a professional via a gp. There are also some other options such using the helplines or chat in the top right hand corner of the SANE website.

[Former-Member]

Thank you for your opinion @Everan! I will definitely look through the networks SANE has and maybe get to a place where talking to a gp isn’t the most daunting experience I can think of! 😁

[greenpea]

@Former-Member Hi Whitewoodspanky and welcome to the forums. I have schizoaffective disorder and the longest period I was psychotic was 18 months where I could do basic functions but was totally off with the pixies so to speak during that period. I agree with @Everan that you should make an appointment with your gp and see where it goes from there. Everyone is different and experiences psychosis differently. I wish you well. greenpea

[Former-Member]

Thank you for the support @greenpea ! Will definitely look into making an appointment 😁

[Queenie]

Hey there @Former-Member I’m schizoaffective and often feel people are watching me when they is evidence to say they’re not. You have asked an interesting question and one I feel I cannot give a definitive answer to. As greenpea has rightly pointed out, psychosis affects each individual differently. We are also not qualified to diagnose as peers. If it bothers you, talk to your gp and perhaps ask for a referral to a psychiatrist.

Be kind to yourself.

[Former-Member]

Thank you for your words of wisdom @Queenie !
I will get onto that right away 😁

[BryanaCamp]

hi @Former-Member

I am middleaged, not like you very young, but have always experienced "imaginary conversations" and the feeling that something or someone judgemental is watching me.

That was very stressful and got in the way of me doing many things, from showering to performing professionally at a highly professional, paid amployment role.

What helped me is a  who psychiatrist presicribed low dose anti-psychotics. It is so simple, I wonder what I could have achieved if I'd met my psychicatrist and been on ant-psychotics since I was 20 instead of 42. Good luck to you, I would try to meet a psychiatrist as soon as possible, rather than waste your time with a gp prescibing you meds or a psychologist offering you talking therapy only with no prescription for meds.