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Not sure where to start...

I've just joined this forum. I'm fairly bewildered on what I should/shouldn't be doing in my situation. 

So.

My parent is a long time pot smoker. She also sustained a significant head injury about 13 years ago now (mind you, the symptoms have been around for approx 20  years, things are just getting worse).

 

Here's the list I guess;
She creates her own reality. She GENUINELY believes her own version of events. She makes these stories up (I think she reads or hears the "ideal" versions of life, or imagines her own "ideals" and manipulates them in her own head into being her own reality.
She thinks she had cancer. She thought she was pregnant (post complete hysterectomy). She was a violent and neglectful parent and has "forgotten" all of it, replacing it with imagined things.
If you contradict her she either cries or gets violent.

It's frustrating as hell. And until recently it was just "the way she was" and we would roll our eyes and move on.
She does still hold a job, but that'll be gone shortly. 
I have my own kids. My siblings can't take her on. I am at a loss as to what to do... I know she'd love to move in with me. But I have conflicting emotions on that. I want to help her, but at what cost??

I have no idea what her "diagnosis" would be. I have no idea the steps I should take or if I should take any at all. 

I'm completely lost.

4 REPLIES 4

Re: Not sure where to start...

Hi Misty,

 

Welcome to the forum Smiley Happy

Your situation is uneasy and confronting. You would like to provide the love and support to your parent but at the same time you know you need to look after your own space, considering there was some hurtful history involved.

By information provided, here are he two websites to start with although not sure if your parent would suit the criteria set out:

http://www.carersaustralia.com.au/

http://www.myagedcare.gov.au/aged-care-services/home-and-community-care

I hope this will give you some information to start with. Look after yourself and people here on the forum offer lots suggestions and support.

 

Take care, Sky

Re: Not sure where to start...

Hi @Misty 

Welcome to the forums!! I just read your post, and it's a really hard situation you are in. Firstly, I want to acknowledge the fact that you are reaching out for help - and that this is a real strength in itself.  A lot of people don't ask for help, and things just get worse  So you should pat yourself on the back for that!! 

I can hear your frustrations - you have kids of your own, your siblings can't help, and you feel like you have to it all by yourself. Well, you don't have to, you have done the right thing reaching out to places like these forums. There are some really wonderful people here who will give you a lot of support, believe me.

@Sky  has given some really good advice - Carers Australia is a great place to start. Perhaps if you can tell us which state you live in, we may be able to find you some local support as well. In the meantime, have a look at this older discussion thread titled "what if they don't want help?", there may be some good stuff in there that you could use.

As @Sky said - Look after yourself and people here on the forum offer lots suggestions and support.

I wonder if there is anyone else who might be able to give Misty some advice - @PeppiPatty @Eagle @Cazzie @Rover 

You're doing well.

Hobbit

 

Re: Not sure where to start...

Hi @Misty 

 

Sorry it's taken so long for me to respond.

What I see most in people who are caring for a parent is that it's really tricky to create boundaries. From what you have written, it seems like it has been challenging and, like you said, frustrating. So having her in your house all the time doesn't sound like a good plan for yourself or her.

I hope you don't mind, I'm going to ask some questions to better understand the situation -

Is the reason you're looking for her to move elsewhere because she can't financially live by herself if she loses her job, or because she needs assistance day to day?

I know you mentioned she believes all of her own accounts of past situations, but does she have any insight into her wellbeing?

Does she still receive support for the brain injury she sustained?

If I remember correctly, @Jes_riot is also coming to terms with being her mothers' 'parent' as she referred to it as. Jes - do you have any tips for Misty?

I haven't been in your exact situation Misty, but hopefully I can be helpful.

Re: Not sure where to start...

One option might be that she has a "Dementia like illness" either caused or exacerbated by the Traumatic Brain Injury and sustance abuse.

You could take her to see a Neuropsychiatrist.I dont know if they will offer much in the way of effective medication though...maybe.

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