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Something’s not right

Lemonjuice
Senior Contributor

Not suiciding but...

...there are moments the last few weeks where I have not been ok. I just can't know if or when, so, I feel the need to say, I think you guys have been brilliant.  You guys have seen me through abuse, deaths, being a carer, and depression...and all while I have been unhelpful on here to others.  I wish you all the best and a big thank you.  I wish I could take away everyone's pain...you have my prayers.💓

6 REPLIES 6

Re: Not suiciding but...

Hi @Lemonjuice 

What a lovely post! it is great that you have been able to give such a positive message about the support you have received from members.

Are you okay this evening? if you need support around the "but" in your header please reach out.

 

take care

Whitehawk

Re: Not suiciding but...

Your post almost sounds like a goodbye post @Lemonjuice so I'm concerned too about the 'if or when'. It's more than OK here in the forums for the support to be one sided for as much or as long as needed. That's the purpose of these forums. It's not always necessary to give back to others if you're not able to. That's more than acceptable and no one would judge you harshly for not being supportive if you can't.

Many of us here wish we could take away other's pain and trauma that they are suffering. It's truly heart breaking to bear witness to it. And you've obviously had more than your fair share too.

Is there anything that I can help you with right now within the limits of these forums? I've been told I'm a good listener if you want to talk about anything or nothing. And sometimes all people need here is someone to sit with them in the darkness. So for now I'll be here with you. Right beside so hopefully you feel less alone.

You have my support anytime @Lemonjuice. And there's no obligation or expectation of return.

Re: Not suiciding but...

Hey there @Lemonjuice how are you travelling? We've been thinking about you Heart

Re: Not suiciding but...

@nashy I am not well.  I'm swinging from being suicidal and being ok.  I'm not bipolar, just overwhelmed, exhausted, grieving and probably hormonal. My sister and niece mentioned that she has seen me being forgetful and kind of vague.  My doc says it's part of grieving and stress.  I have reasons to live, like selling the house, going to a new place, blah, blah, blah.  It's nice and there are times where I am even looking forward to it, but it's short lived.  Mostly, I just want to go to sleep and not wake up.  I feel like I'm done, there's nothing really that I want to do in life.  Meanwhile, I clean, shop, make appointments like nothing has changed.  That's why I can't say that I am going to suicide, I just don't know myself.  I feel like I just need to prepare incase it happens during one of my worse moments...taking out insurance, I guess.

Re: Not suiciding but...

Hi there Lemonjuice,

 

I’m sorry it is such a rough period for you right now, it sounds as if you've been through a lot, however I'm so glad there are some exciting developments on the horizon for you that you've identified here. I am concerned for you at the moment, so I’m just going to drop you an email also. We are here for you and want to give you the upmost care you deserve.

 

Take care and kind regards,

 

Otter

Re: Not suiciding but...

I feel much like you with my suicidal thoughts @Lemonjuice. But I'm sorry this is how things are for you. You're not living, just existing and going through the motions. Maybe, just maybe things will settle down when everything starts settling and you have some stability. I'm still here with you.
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