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Something’s not right
@Snowie It feels like the world is closing in on your right now and there is no way out of that darkness. Hang on unto you see your psych and pdoc and please go back to hospital if you need. You are so much loved and cared for here and our world would be so much less without you in it. Try to hold on to those positives you have in your life - hug your kids and Izzy, feel their warmth and love and just get through each minute, each hour and each day. Here for you the whole way Hon - we know how incredibly hard it is to be in the place you are now and as one we are holding onto you, helping you get through and shining a light to guide your way. Much love and mega hugs sweet Snowie 
Hi @Snowie,
i have read some of your posts as well with a heavy heart for you. I know this post might miss the mark and I’m so hoping it is read with optimism and hope. During my time on the forum I have learned so much. My view of the world has changed hugely. When @Zoe7 was at her darkest and lowest there were times that my heart felt so heavy for her that I thought it would be ok for her to leave us because it was too much. I would obviously never have suggested it and tried to fight for her as much as I could but the thought had crossed my mind. Watching her slowly emerge from the deepest, darkest of places has taught me so much. It taught me that we never give up on anyone, that human strength and resilience can never be underestimated. It’s a huge feat. It’s one that I hope and believe you can come through too. I know @Zoe7 is still having ups and downs but her fight and hope is so much stronger as is her belief in herself again. @Zoe7 Please please please correct me if any of this doesn’t quite sit well. This post is a testament to you as much as it is as me offering hope for @Snowie.
Personally i am nearly 8 years in now with my personal battle. I was hospitalised for attempts, self harm and safety/respite about 25 times in a two year period. I always regretted that the first time wasn’t successful. I’ve watched my kids and love ones carry me. Ive been almost a vegetable at different stages and I’ve done some pretty terrible things to my kids (they were there and witnessed me being carried out unconscious in an ambulance more than once). Even though Ive had more control, last year it was one of the hardest years because I couldn’t see how I would ever stop being a burden to all my loved ones. It’s such a heavy thing to carry.
So here I am today writing this post to encourage you to keep fighting no matter how much it feels pointless and hopeless just now. Presently life is about still relying on others for support both financially and practically. The thing that has changed in the last month or so is that gradually I find the days that I can do a few small things that are productive (I’m not talking big at all). I realise that something that would normally trigger me to sh hasn’t quite made it that far and that I have a little more control. I know everyone’s process to get to a better place is different but I’ll share the things that I think have helped me. I understand writing my personal experiences will probably very be different to the process you end up finding helps but I’m hoping that just reading it might help the tiniest bit. An increase of meds has helped and a stable mental health team that I feel are on my side are crucial for me to get to this point. A few other things helped. One is that there are a few people who are close and although I’ve pushed them away are still there wanting to support me in any way they can. It hit me this easter that after nearly 8 yrs they are still here. I know I have been a bit different in my approach to friends. I have not wanted them to listen or to understand or be with me in dark times. I needed the forum for that. I needed the forum to help get through those lows that no one can get unless you’ve been in that hole. My plea to you is to hold on and use the supports that help you most. It will take as long as it takes (for me 7 yrs but others not so long) to find the light enough to start climbing out of that deepest darkest of holes. If you are like me you won’t even know you’ve begun to climb out at first. I’m not out but have started the climb.
Stay with us and with your family @Snowie . You are worth the fight!
I hope this is not too heavy. I’ve debated writing it a fair bit.
💜💜
