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Something’s not right

Former-Member
Not applicable

Mother vs mother-in-law

I really need help....

 

So my mother and mother-in-law dislike each alot.

I am use to that and I don't really care to be honest, but......

 

My mum is really sick right now and so I traveled from inner mid north rural Queensland to northern NSW to help her out as she is the carer for my autistic brother and her fiance who has had six strokes in 2 years leaving him left side paralysed and bowel and bladder incontinent NDIS was having trouble getting them placed in emergency respite because no one wanted to deal with poo. Anyway my mother-in-law told me that she doesn't care if my mother is on her death bed that I should not be going because NSW has bad fires and I have no right to be putting me and my son in danger and we should be saving our money. This was just about 10 minutes after being told my mother is in ICU, with 21% oxygen levels, a severe chest infection, fighting for breath because of asthma and the advanced beginning stages of emphysema. Then when my father-in-law drove us to the train in Brisbane she rounded on my 7 year old and tried to convince him to stay with them. He has never spent more than 1 night without me or his father and she wants him to stay there for at least a week maybe more. He said no but cried on the train cause now he thinks that she doesn't like him now cause he said no.

 

I know that my mum hasn't been much of a mum growing up and she has caused me alot of pain but she is still my mum and it makes me mad that my mother-in-law thinks that it is ok for her to bad mouth my mum and tell me that I shouldn't care. 

My in laws have done alot for my little family since our son was born but it angers me that my mother-in-law looks down on my side of the family just because of our past.

5 REPLIES 5

Re: Mother vs mother-in-law

I think you answered your own question yourself @Former-Member 'Your Mum is still your Mum" and your mother-in-law has no right to both say those things and to put any pressure on you and your son ...especially a 7 year old. That is a form of emotional blackmail Hon. You have enough to deal with with your Mum being so ill - you don't need the added pressure of your MIL being so nasty. It does not matter what she has done to help you in the past - that does not give her a licence to try to control what you do now. Yes there are terrible fires and it costs money to go but your mother is very ill and you have the right to be able to see her. 

 

Try to put your MIL out of your mind and spend this time with your Mum - she is the only one you will ever have and despite the history you still care for her. 

 

Make sure also you talk openly and frankly with your son. Let him know he is in no way to blame for your MIL's comments and that no matter what she still loves him. Re-inforce also that it is okay to say NO and that should be encouraged when he does not want to do something that someone else has asked of him. It took a lot of courge for him to say No to his grandmother but thst also shows his strength - so re-inforce that also. No kid should have to make a choice between his grandparents - and it was totally unreasonable for your MIL to do that ...and it is okay for you to tell him that as well.

Former-Member
Not applicable

Re: Mother vs mother-in-law

Thanks @Zoe7 ,

 

I had a big talk to him and told him it was okay I strongly believe that kids should have the right to say no to those types of things I even let him choose when he gets haircuts. He is okay now and is happy so hopefully he will move past this now.

 

I still went to my mum's I have spent my whole birthday looking after her, my brother, helping with her with her fiance (some stuff he won't let me help with like toilet), cleaning her kitchen including scrubbing the fridge and freezer and obviously being a mother. 

My mum did manage to surprise me by having someone from the bakery drop off a cake so that was nice. My brother and her fiance go into respite care tomorrow morning so I am planning to take my mum back to the hospital once they leave because she won't be able to use them as an excuse then. 

 

 

Re: Mother vs mother-in-law

It sounds like you have things under control there @Former-Member both with your Mum and your son. It is great that your brother and Mum's fiance are going into respite - it will give you some breathing space to look after your Mum - whether she is in hospital or at home. You can spend some quality time with her either way without the added pressures of looking after 2 more adults. I hope she goes back to hospital for you and gets the care she needs. Hugs Hon Heart

Former-Member
Not applicable

Re: Mother vs mother-in-law

So do I @Zoe7 , my son is a little upset that his uncle is going but I will make sure they get to see each other before we leave

Re: Mother vs mother-in-law

Sounds like a good plan all around @Former-Member 👍💙

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