Lived Experience Forum

[Captain24]

Hi @petrichor 

No it’s not ok.

Im assuming your friend has never been in a low place before. I know my best friend doesn’t understand either and she sometimes thinks tough love will help. It doesn’t and just pushes me further down. 

I don’t believe you are a bad person. Everyone has good in them. 

It sounds like you have been dealing with a lot. I’ve constantly been in a world of self pity but I am seeing hope. My mornings are starting to be okish. It has taken me a while to get there but do believe in yourself and know that you do have it in you. You have shown you have strength in being able to express your feelings and concerns with us.

I live in the country and understand how hard it can be to access MH resources. I can’t even get into my gp until the end of July. 

I have found that being able to contact the online numbers has helped. It’s hard as you don’t have continuity of care but each call I’ve received different advice. It has helped. The call I made today was in the late afternoon when I start to go deep into the dark. While the world is still really dark I do feel lighter in myself. 

I’ve had a hot chocolate and a long hot shower and am now relaxed and ready for bed for the first time in weeks.

Please do try and call it may actually lighten the load even for a little bit. 

You are in my thoughts 

captain24💕

[NatureLover]

@petrichor  I am shocked and appalled that anyone (let alone a best friend) would tell someone who is greatly suffering and has SI (suicidal ideation) that they are a bad person. 😮

That is definitely not OK, and very harmful. 

I don't know what to say. That's so terrible, what your best friend said. 😞

Sending hugs and wishes...

[Peregrinefalcon]

Hey @petrichor!

I am so sorry that happened to you, I can only imagine the awful feelings it may have left you with. 

As NatureLover mentioned - it is so harmful when we feel our mental health is being weaponised against us. 

You are not alone 💓 Sitting with you here 🌻

[petrichor]

Hi @Captain24 @Peregrinefalcon @NatureLover 

How are you today?

Captain, did you get a good night sleep?

I told my friend that they hurt me but they said that’s the way I am and it’s my fault. I didn’t start a fight I just said it calmly and asked for an apology. I don’t know what to do with that. 

i didn’t expect how hard it would be to stay in touch with my supports. I don’t even know where the next GP is and what are they supposed to do anyway even if they knew anything about mental health?

I’ve contacted helplines and it has helped sometimes, I often just struggle what to say. Too many things are connected like the death of my friend is bringing up so much more. I find that pretty devastating to deal with life.

Have a nice day.

[Captain24]

I had a great nights sleep thanks @petrichor. Didn’t wake up in a good place thought. I’ll just ride it out hopefully.

Wow that shows a great deal of strength to tell your friend that they hurt you. I’m not sure how you would go with it but maybe a little distance for a little while. 

When I call I just say whatever is on my mind even though most of it doesn’t make sense. They do seem to sort through some of it for me. 

Making sense of losing a dear friend must be hard. 

[NatureLover]

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@petrichor wrote:

I told my friend that they hurt me but they said that’s the way I am and it’s my fault. I didn’t start a fight I just said it calmly and asked for an apology. I don’t know what to do with that. 

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@petrichor  well done for telling your friend they hurt you and asking for an apology. That is healthy mental and emotional behaviour.

However, their response (that it's your fault) is not healthy behaviour by your friend. That's gaslighting you, and it's abuse. It's refusing to acknowledge that their behaviour hurt you and was wrong, and it's putting it all back on to you - cruel and narcissistic behaviour by your friend. I wonder if they know they are doing it. 

I am sorry your friend is doing this. 😞

[petrichor]

😢

[petrichor]

Good morning 

I contacted a helpline last night because I need a GP. I understand that they cannot give recommendations. They gave me numbers to contact, mental health triage, health direct …  I hate talking to people on the phone and more so when I don’t know them. How can I go through with this?

And then I’ll need to go and see a doctor and that freaks me out too and I’ve tried it before, and I don’t want to give up then but was a very sobering and upsetting time. I didn’t stay with any of the GPs.

Is it just so complicated in my head or is that just normal? What do you do? I’d rather not ask for medical help than having all of me dissected and put in a trash can. 

[tyme]

Hi @petrichor ,

Sorry you are feeling this way. Do you have a regular GP or treating person you can create a plan with so you can access supports when needed?

Its probably important moving forward so that you don’t feel “dissected and put in a trash can”.

Take care, tyme

[petrichor]

Hi @tyme 

How are you?

I’m trying to work on it. I don’t really know what else to say because it’s just difficult. Difficult in general and difficult in my head. Breathe in. Hold. Breathe out. Hold. Keep breathing. 

Take care x