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Something’s not right

lewyn
Casual Contributor

Hello. I need people's advice. I think my boyfriend has BPD.

Hi everyone,

I've been feeling extremely down and lost the past few days as I am unsure and nervous about the relationship I am in. My boyfriend is a 36 year old male whom (after reading a lot online) I believe he has Borderline Personality Disorder.

I have only been with him for a year. When I first met him, he came on really strong, was very passionate and intense, very quick to say 'i love you'... which really took me back. He was constantly wanting reassurance that I loved him, right from the start was very suspicious of me and always questioning if I would cheat on him / was seeing other people (even If I had not given him ANY indication of this) - at times, he would get angry and really accuse me, even going to the extent of calling me a s-l-u-t. I had done nothing to deserve this and would never even think to cheat. But it would be like he had convinced himself that I had done something. I thought this was such weird behaviour, so child-like... which so often, for a 36 year old male, his behaviour is VERY child-like. If I later ask about it and show that I'm upset by being called names, he will just laugh and say he was only joking. Also, at the start, he was constantly telling me I didn't communicate enough, asking me to text him more, asking why he was always the first one to text (he wasn't) and just being extremely needy. Which, I guess, at the start I just saw as him really liking me.

 

Now, I'm realising so many behaviours that are not right. He gets SO extremely overly angry about everything, even little things. He will get very angry over traffic, if i'm a little bit late, accusing me of not doing enough for him / helping him enough (I do so much for him and feel like I am not getting it back in return), if someone does something he doesn't like (puts a saucepan on the wrong shelf). He constantly thinks people are doing wrong by him and does not seem to empathise. He has been in and out of relationships with females and they all seem to have been very intense but now when he speaks of any its always in bad ways... often calling them s-l-u-t-s (I hate that word, sorry).

 

It's so difficult because on some occassions he can be SO nice and charming and just really loving. He is at times a really nice human being. But if he gets stressed or angry he just becomes so nasty and mean. He seems to go in and out of phases and will get really into something and then just drop it.

 

I'm blabbing a lot here, but I'm finding it really hard to get everything down in words. Basically I'm feeling overly stressed in the relationship and really down, I really love him but he is treating me really bad and I don't know what to do. 

 

Thank-you,
Lewyn

 

(I would also like to add here that he has very big scars on his wrist - from obvious attempts at suicide in the past)

4 REPLIES 4

Re: Hello. I need people's advice. I think my boyfriend has BPD.

Hi @lewyn,

Welcome to the forums, I hope you find them a supportive and helpful environment. I think in situations like this, it's really easy to get overwhelmed by them. What sorts of supports do you have to help you through this? Also, are you seeking any sort of professional help?

Regards,
Bookworm

Re: Hello. I need people's advice. I think my boyfriend has BPD.

Hi @Bookworm,

Thanks for replying. I don't have any support or professional help at the moment, the first thing I have done is to post on this forum as I was feeling extremely lost and didn't know what to do in my situation.

I might have to look at seeking some sort of professional help.

Thank-you

Re: Hello. I need people's advice. I think my boyfriend has BPD.

Hi @lewyn,

I hope you have found it helpful to look aroud the forums. I thought I would show you a past event we had around BPD here. It was a Topic Tuesday and although it is finished for questions you may find it interesting to read through Smiley Happy

I think its a great idea to look into professional help as well. Here are some fact sheets around BPD as well. It can be really hard to try to look after someone else and make sure you still take care of you - keep reaching out, it is a great step to take.

Lauz

Re: Hello. I need people's advice. I think my boyfriend has BPD.

Hi @lewyn,

I'm sorry to hear that the last few days have been so difficult for you. It sounds like you have been having to deal with a lot in your relationship, particularly the anger and mistrust held by your partner. I can imagine that would be very stressful for you.

You mentioned that you have been doing a lot of reading online and believe that he has BPD. It can be difficult to diagnose a person based on what we read online. It sounds like you are concerned for your partner's well-being as well as your own and you want to understand why your partner might be acting the way that he is.

It is really good that you have reached out on the Forums. There are other people here who are struggling with similar issues and who you may be able to connect with for support. @katie started a thread called Partners of Borderline which might be helpful to read through. @Beermoney also started a thread called BPD, PMDD or Bipolar Partner. Please help.

I hope you're able to find some support in these threads and please keep reaching out if you need further help.

Take care of yourself,

River9

 

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