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Something’s not right

ConcernedCitizn
Contributor

First time poster thrown into deep waters (edited)

Hello, everyone! It's my first time posting and I appreciate you all taking the time to read this. My thoughts are so jumbled up right now, I'm not sure how to write this all down. It seems like the plot to a movie, but I assure you, this is very real and happening to someone I care about. 

I'm going to attempt to give as much information as I can without revealing personal info.

I recently got back into contact with a close friend of mine. He and I had a falling out when we were younger, roughly 10 years ago, and haven't talked much since. He got back into contact with me out of the blue one day, then dropped off the face of the earth for a while, then got back into contact with me. After a few conversations, he let me in on his secret - he's being gang stalked.

I had no idea what gang stalking was at first, so I looked it up. Most of the information I found seemed to say that people who say they're being gang stalked are actually suffering from paranoia or schizophrenia.

I tried to be a sounding board for his ideas. I never dismissed them out of hand like the rest of his friends and family, I simply listened and tried to give him advice, basically "what would I do if this were happening to me?" It seemed to help. After the first few weeks of conversations, he seemed much calmer. He'd tell me how much the conversation was helping him, and how he can't believe he didn't think of this stuff himself. Things progressed from there. Every once in a while, he would let me know when someone would happen to trigger his paranoia, but other than that it was just a normal, awesome friendship. That is, until recently.

I had him and his girlfriend come stay with me for a few days, to reconnect in person and have a fun time. He woke me up in the middle of the night several different times because he was freaking out, saying "they were making his girlfriend twitch and laugh in her sleep right when he thought of something funny." Another time, he thought his girlfriend and I were sneaking into each other's rooms at night and having sex (this never happened - we never spent more than 10 seconds alone in the same room the entire time she was here). She also warned me before she came down here, on the phone, that he constantly gets paranoid and thinks his friends are having sex with his girlfriend. He assured me it wouldn't happen with me, but it did.

Things are much worse now. From time to time he seems normal, but the last two days have been bad. He suddenly thinks I'm "one of them". He'll randomly text me and ask me "how much are they paying you to do this?". He tells me about "street theater." How he'll be talking about something behind closed doors, then go into a public place and a group of people will bring up the very personal thing he just got done telling someone about at home. But it isn't just that - he's also picking apart what everyone says to him. The examples are so numerous it's hard to pick just one, but here's one that happened just today: we were on the phone, he was accusing me of being part of all this, and just before he did that I was telling him about a certain game I saw advertised online. He picked that apart and said it seemed like I was using the game as a metaphor, to basically tell him, "in code", "messing with you is a game to me and I'm going to laugh at you when you finally get locked up." he's done this to me multiple times, now. He said when he was staying at my home and his girl and him were doing laundry in my garage, he noticed a pair of her pants were slightly wet and asked her about it, she told him she didn't know how they got wet. Immediately after that I called him to the back corner of the garage to show him, inside my step-father's freezer, the 150lbs of fish he had recently caught on a trip to Alaska. He took that to mean "the pants were wet and I brought up fish because his girlfriend and I had just had "relations" behind his back." (completely untrue - it never happened) One minute he's telling me I'm helping him feel better, the next he's accusing me of being part of this, the next he's asking me to help him use logic to figure this stuff out.

He sees a psychiatrist, but not regularly. He's a regular marijuana smoker but hasn't had any lately. He takes anxiety medication.

Has anyone had experience with gang stalking? What do I do, here? I don't want to lose my friend again, and I definitely don't want to leave him all alone in all this. The rest of his family and friends are sick of hearing about it - his girlfriend threatens to leave him if he even brings it up to her again (because he's constantly asking her if she's cheating or "in on it").

And another part of me wonders if some or all of this isn't just in his head. How would I feel if this was happening to me and nobody believed me?

If you're going to ask me if he has any evidence, he actually has shown me two videos he's recorded, one of which seemed just like a guy was looking at him while he was smoking a cigarette, but another one actually disturbed me. A strange woman was walking down the street and suddenly just stops and stares at my friend, who pulls out his camera and records it. She stood there, blinking twice per second, for a good two minutes before she stopped staring at him.

 EDIT: Had to change the post because of the sexual reference. I'm hoping I edited it to the point where it won't trigger anyone. I can edit further if necessary, but I completely removed the graphic description.

25 REPLIES 25

Re: First time poster thrown into deep waters (edited)

In all honesty it sounds like your friend should see his pyschiatrist more often as from my experience his paranoia are dellusions and he may need medication. Also smoking pit will only exacerbate his condition

Re: First time poster thrown into deep waters (edited)

Hi @ConcernedCitizn

It sounds like your friend's paranoia is getting out of hand. It seems like you are not completely sure whether the gang-stalking is genuine or all in his mind. People can be so fixed and convinced of their delusional beliefs, it can be very difficult to argue with them about what is and isn't based on reality. It is very tricky to try and communicate to someone in this state that you're concerned about their mental health.

In terms of what to say, or how to handle things, ultimately you want to encourage a visit to the GP. In approaching this sort of conversation, I would encourage you to empathise with the emotions associated with his paranoia, but not on the details of the delusions themselves. Getting into big discussions about the delusions is often futile. For example - ask about the stress, the anxiety, the depression he is clearly feeling. Let him know you've noticed he's struggling in this way. Also bring attention to any other secondary symptoms you've noticed such as a loss of sleep, loss of appetite or changes in his weight. Acknowledge these aspects of his experience, and encourage him to visit the GP for more support. For example, you could say something like "Wow it sounds like you're feeling incredibly stressed out and anxious about all of this. I can't imagine how scary it would be to feel like that. Maybe you should talk to your GP about how you're feeling so stressed out and not sleeping? Maybe they could offer some help?" This might be enough to encourage a doctor visit, that can open the doors to enlisting some more professional support.

I wonder - Have you spoken to him much yet about your concerns for his mental health?

Re: First time poster thrown into deep waters (edited)

I appreciate the response. Unfortunately, I have already attempted to get him to see his psychiatrist more regularly. When I suggest this, I become "one of them." And it means I must be in on it, plotting against him, not believing what he's saying is real. Some of it seems like coincidence. Others are hard to explain and creepy. Others are pure paranoia and hyper-vigilance. 

His girlfriend has told me that when he does see his psychiatrist, he doesn't tell her the "depths" (her word, not mine) of his paranoia.

Re: First time poster thrown into deep waters (edited)

Thank you for the reply, @Mosaic.

\\Empathise with the emotions associated with his paranoia, but not on the details of the delusions themselves.\\

This is good advice. Up until now, I have been doing both. I've been asking him to tell me the details AND empathizing. The other day, I told him "I'm so sorry this is happening. I don't know what I'd do in your shoes." He really appreciated that.

\\Have you spoken to him much yet about your concerns for his mental health?\\

Yes. When he's calm enough to approach rationally. I have asked him to talk to his doctor and try to have them help him with the paranoia part of it all. Help him to figure out what's real and what's just paranoia. The "picking apart what others say" aspect of it all is what's so scary, to me. Today he called me when I was babysitting my two young nieces. I told him a story regarding something one of my nieces had said to me earlier. He later told me it felt like I was using code to tell him that his girlfriend and I were secretly cheating, referring to her as "my niece" and my friend as a character in the story.

He texted me a few minutes ago and said "Bro, please make them stop doing this to me. I know there's still a good person inside you somewhere." I get texts like this from him regularly. One minute he's trusting me and divulging the true horror of this stuff, the next I'm "one of them".

Re: First time poster thrown into deep waters (edited)

Hello @ConcernedCitizn, welcome to the Forums.  This sort of scenario comes through to our Help Centre quite frequently.  The description of your friend's behaviour sounds like paranoid schizophrenia but, as with other callers and posters, there are sometimes enough aspects that could be rooted in truth to maintain some doubt. 

I agree with @Attahua that his current psychiatric treatment is not sufficient.  Unfortunately people sometimes present their best (coherent, grounded, well) selves to their treating professionals and so they don't always get the full picture.  This can be particularly true when paranoia is present because they may not trust the doctor enough to share this information. 

If you would like to help your friend, perhaps there might be a way to work with his girlfriend and family to ensure that his Psychiatrist really understands what's happening.  Confidentiality is likely to restrict what he or she can say to you but that doesn't mean they can't receive information.  That way more effective treatment is possible.

It's great that you want to stay connected.  So many people in this situation end up completely isolated.  Just make sure you have good boundaries in place and take care of yourself.

Re: First time poster thrown into deep waters (edited)

Hello and welcome @ConcernedCitizen. Your friend definitely needs help, no doubt. Unfortunately, until he is 'sectioned' by his psych, there is little anyone can do. I'm wondering if, when he was working (I assume he worked), did he ever display this behaviour? When someone with your friends obvious paranoia, starts displaying this sort of behavioural pattern, they are dishonourably discharged from the job because of being deemed medically unfit. This does nothing to help them and they are left to their own devices, often causing mayhem to everyone. When he visits his psych, it's highly possible he's not being open with her/him about his (to him) real fears and anxieties. If he is on AD's, again, he is not being honest about whether he's taking them. Psych's like Dr's can only be guided by what the patient tells them. Your friends confusion makes him believe that everything he says (even to his psych) is being recorded and possibly (to him) used in 'evidence' against him. I suggest you contact his gf direct and ask her to get in touch with his psych and let her/him know exactly how your friend is behaving. Because his gf lives with him (I presume she does) the psych will take note of the behaviour, more so than if you say anything. I'm not saying the psych won't listen to or believe you, but because your contact is so, spasmodic, it's better if it comes from someone who's there constantly. I used to live in N.Z, I remember several years ago there was a guy who used to walk the streets, he was always immaculately dressed. Frequently this man would suddenly stop and make gestures (not rude). He would wave his arms around. He often went to the local dance and every so often would invite someone to dance. Usually, he would be politely refused, so he would 'dance' around the room alone. After he finished 'dancing' he would try to sit where he had been sitting previously. If someone else had taken the seat (which happened) he would kick up so much he would be asked to leave. He wasn't deemed dangerous, just 'weird', rather sad, looking back. He came into where I was working one day, picked up a sheet of paper and scribbled pages and pages of unrecognizable scribble. It turned out, this man had been in the army and had been dishonourably discharged due to being mentally unfit. I don't know any personal details apart from what I've written. One thing I do remember, this man was in front of me one day, he suddenly stopped and proceeded waving his arms about. I managed to actually look directly him. His eyes, although 'open' were blank, There was no life, he was totally oblivious to where he was and everyone around him. It's possible your friend actually 'sees' people who are (to him) out to 'get' him. He told you he's being 'gang' stalked, it's highly likely he actually does see gangs stalking him. Everything he tells you he actually believes, this is the saddest part, and possibly another reason he might not be totally honest with his psych.

Re: First time poster thrown into deep waters (edited)

@pip

I appreciate you sharing your insight and that story with me.

I don't believe my friend is having hallucinations. Rather, he sees things that really are there, but convinces himself they're part "of it". He tells me every day he's being followed. He points the stuff out to his girlfriend, she sees it too, but she can always find a logical explanation.

The only time I haven't been able to explain it away was the video he showed me. It was incredibly creepy. The woman just stopped and looked directly up at him standing on his balcony, and stared at him for over 2 minutes without moving or saying anything. Then a car drove by, signaled to her, and she turned and walked away like it never happened.

He told me that type of thing happens to him multiple times every day.

I always tell him, "this is real to YOU, so whether it's actually happening doesn't matter, I want to help."
There is a part of me who worries that it really is happening exactly like he describes it, but nobody will believe him.

I'm going to ask him to start recording more evidence. If I get to see actual evidence of this, then I'll know. If there is always a convenient excuse for why he can't give me evidence, at least I'll know which route to take to help him.

Re: First time poster thrown into deep waters (edited)

Hi @concernedCitizen. I'm not making light of your friends predicament, I, like you, believe, he believes he's being stalked. It is highly possible that everything he sees is there, but he is not being stalked, it's just that he believes he's being stalked. The chap I told you about was hallucinating, yes, but I don't believe your friend is hallucinating as such, just that he believes he is being stalked. He is obviously terrified and I think your idea of getting him to record when ever he believes someone/thing is watching him is a great idea. The woman looking at him on the balcony, then walking away sounds awful. Perhaps there is a logical reason for what's happening, but perhaps these things are coincidental. Has your friend or his gf reported anything to the police. Maybe once you have recorded some of the things he's telling you, that might not be a bad idea. If he refuses to record or you find nothing particularly revealing in the evidence, that's when you can try to get him to see a psych and show the psych what's been recorded. If your friend is refusing to take his AD's because he believes they're not good for him the psych is the one to work with him on that. it's possible the woman stared at him on the balcony, merely because he was staring just as intently at her, I'm not saying that's a fact, but when you are being watched, or you believe you are. Often you will watch whoever you believe is watching you. Has your friend tried to get the police to view the recording? If he shows you enough recordings of people watching him, perhaps ask the police to view the recording, explain he feels scared and ask for help from them.

Re: First time poster thrown into deep waters (edited)

He thinks the police are in on it. Some of them, at least. He also thinks there are multiple government agencies involved. It's easy to hear that and say he's crazy, but there are a lot of people online who have experienced the same thing. They do it by paying random people on the street in gift cards, not giving them any information other than "see that guy over there? Go stand there and smoke a cigarette and stare at him. If he engages you in any way, act like you don't know what he's talking about and leave immediately."

And I can't discuss anything with his girlfriend, because:
1) I feel like going behind his back to talk to someone he cares about is betraying his trust. 
2) He constantly worries we're having an affair. Even though I've never even been alone with her for more than 10 seconds or talked to her if he wasn't right there. I don't want to give him any reasons to distrust her or me. And him finding a secret message talking about him behind his back is the last thing he needs right now. I also think I should be honest with him about everything I'm doing to try to help him.

I'm actually getting worried because his phone has been shut off all day long and he hasn't contacted me at all since yesterday. It's been over 24 hours. Normally he contacts me 5+ times per day.

He can't discuss any of this with his girlfriend anymore. She is so tired of the constant paranoia and distrust, at this point she's ready to give up. She has "broken up" with him multiple times already but come back. He told me a few days ago he's even worse, now, because he has to hold everything inside until he can be alone and call me to vent his frustrations.

I care about him a lot. We have been through a lot together. And I feel like, if everyone allows him to push them away, he might do something terrible, to himself or to someone else.

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