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Janna
Community Elder

A Bit of Carer Burnout Happening Here I Think

My absence on this forum over the past xx months does not mean that things have been travelling smoothly.  To the contrary I've been busy, busy, busy.  Overall, I would say that things have been better than they have been in the past, but they are by no means good or anywhere near it.

I can't even begin to describe the intensity of the past 2 months.  It felt as if everything was reaching an end of year crescendo.  I was insanely busy at work and trying to achieve unrealistic deadlines, my daughter fell ill and underwent an emergency appendix operation followed by some minor complications which kept her in hospital for 4 nights.  My son decided to not go to therapy and had some extremely emotional and aggressive outbursts in which he threatened to end his life, and at one stage harm others x 3.  Meanwhile we found an abandoned 8 week old kitten trapped under the bonnet of one of our cars and rescued her, did the right thing and took her to an animal home only for them to ask if we could foster her for 3 weeks over the xmas/new year period.  The answer was "yes" and now we've formally adopted her.  My son absolutely adored her, named her "Mitsu" after the Mistubishi she was found in, and spent 48 solid hours fussing over her .... and that was about it.  I was hoping that she would give him a purpose and that he could be responsible for her but unfortunately, despite loving her, he is unable to meet all her needs and so I had to take that on board as well.

By the time Christmas arrived I was done.  I was so exhausted I just could not get into the festive spirit and forced myself to just do what I had to do.  When Christmas finally arrived my son refused to participate in our gift giving traditions and refused to join us at the table for lunch.  That was it!  The straw that broke the camel's back.

From that day forward until now I can sense that my mood has dropped and I have lost my motivation.  I suddenly felt overwhelmed with the futility of it all and cancelled all future psychotherapy appointments for myself and my son.  I feel a desperate need for isolation and peace (or some respite) but can't seem to find it.  I'm technically on holiday from work and yet there are things I need to do that I just can't motivate myself to do.  Even thinking about what meal I'm going to prepare for my family tonight is feeling too hard.  Normally I get great comfort out of being creative (painting), but not even that is flowing in a satisfactory way.  

I guess this happens to the best of us. It's cumulative.  I can only liken it to existing on some form of adrenalised energy and when the adrenaline drops you lose your mojo.  A bit like studying for an exam and crashing afterwards.  Somehow the end of the year has translated into "you're at the finish line" and I've collapsed.  I'm finding this period very difficult, even though it should be a down time I can't get any "me time".  How do I kick start that engine to get me going again in 2018?  I've never felt so depleted and hopeless.  Nothing is igniting my fire and I shiver with trepidation as to what this new year will bring.  I guess this is what burnout feels like?  Despite self-caring and doing all the right things, caring for someone with a MI is seriously taxing.  My philosophical approach has failed me and I feel like swimming in my miseries.  Hoping this is self-limiting, but it seems to be lingering. 

Feeling better now that I've offloaded to others in a caring role.

Janna ❤️

 

11 REPLIES 11

Re: A Bit of Carer Burnout Happening Here I Think

Hi @Janna

Sorry to hear things have been so tough for you, I can certinally relate to the crash after the adrenaline has run out. 

Hope you are able to get your mojo back soon and 2018 is a much better year for you and your family. 

Re: A Bit of Carer Burnout Happening Here I Think

Hi @Janna and @Determined 🙂

Wow, there sounds like there has been so much happening for you recently @Janna..... too much.

I'm glad you are feeling slightly less weighed down after offloading here, I'm listening 🙂

I get the sesne that you are feeling impacted from multiply aspects of your life, and when we're already feeling low more on top of more can get too much. You touched on self care, I'm wondering what that looks like to you? How do you implement self care and compassion into your life? 

Thought you might be interested in reading this blog on carer burnout which can be found here

Take care.

 

Re: A Bit of Carer Burnout Happening Here I Think

 

@Janna

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Re: A Bit of Carer Burnout Happening Here I Think

@Pebbles thankyou for the article, quite relevant for me at the moment also,

There seems to be a lot on avoiding carer burnout but I have not seen much on recovering from... esp when the stress just keeps coming, its not like we can just walk away or take time out... our loved ones dont get time out from their turmoil 😟

@Janna may find this useful also. 

Re: A Bit of Carer Burnout Happening Here I Think

Hi @Determined and @Pebbles,

Thanks so much for your replies and thanks @Pebbles for the link.  I think it's really hard to employ self-care once you've gone down the burnout gurgler.  I could relate to so many signs, but the very thought of doing anything positive for myself gets dismissed by the "burnt out" part of myself as being too hard.  When burnout has hit, you need help to get you out of that zone, and as @Determined has said - there is not much on recovering from it.  Prevention is one thing, but curing is another. I'd be really interested to see something on how to get out of the depths of carer burnout, rather than how not to get there.  And as @Determined said the stress just keeps coming with no abatement.  In normal situations advice would centre around removing yourself from the stress, but in a caring role this just isn't possible.  I guess this adds weight to the futility that we feel when overwhelmed.  Knowing that we can't just remove ourselves, or change anything, is what creates our overwhelm in the first place.  Wondering how to dig myself out of this whilst simultaneously still upholding my caring responsibilities and giving the impression that Im good?

Janna ❤️

Re: A Bit of Carer Burnout Happening Here I Think

I have asked psychologists councillors and psychiatrist this question and it always seems to be side stepped and evaded.
If I do a few silly breathing exercises and a few things for myself everything will magically be ok. If only it were that simple.

Re: A Bit of Carer Burnout Happening Here I Think

Sorry, I didnt mean that to come across so negative. It was ment to be a genuine question for @Pebbles

Re: A Bit of Carer Burnout Happening Here I Think

Not negative at all @Determined.  Relax - we're just exploring and putting forth our viewpoints  There is no right or wrong.  You're input is great.

Janna ❤️

Re: A Bit of Carer Burnout Happening Here I Think

@Pebbles in response to how self-care looks to me and what I would normally do .....

Self-care for me is primarily derived through my creativity - I paint with passion and paint intuitively so that my emotional experience has an outlet.  For the best part that works, but right now I feel "constipated" and things are just not flowing the way they normally do.  I also listen to music - but right now nothing seems to be resonating and I'm actually finding it irritating.  I take time out with aromatherapy and candles and create an ambient and healing zone/mood - can't do that right now because my mood can't take me there.  They are my most fundamental self-care go to areas but at the moment they are falling because the headspace is not there to nurture them.  It's like you get tripped and once there nothing seems to fit the bill.  The only thing that is feeling good right now is sitting with the misery of my life and having a private pitty party - LOL.  I'm sorry for sounding so negative but I take solace in knowing I'm only human and that what I'm feeling is perfectly normal in the given circumstances.

Janna ❤️

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