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confused_nomad
Contributor

so much going on

hi everyone

 

so I'm at a point where I'm really unsure what I'm doing. here is what's been going on for me, as briefly as I can make it - 

 

- i was recently in hospital with depression. they had a plan, and then turned round and changed it all and discharged me despite me saying I was still hearing voices and feeling suicidal. I then took too much medication and spent 18hrs in a coma. 6hrs later I was sent home without even getting to speak to anyone in mental health. 

- whilst in hospital I did not receive any treatment but was given an additional diagnosis of borderline personality disorder - on top of bipolar and panic disorder

- I had tried 3 times to get assistance from community mental health but they kept assessing me and discharging me because I have insight

- my private psychiatrist told me he was  going overseas for 2.5 months. he knew I was suicidal and promised to write a treatment plan to give my gp, which he failed to do. then I found out he hadn't even gone away

- I got referred to the brief intervention clinic. I drove 40mins to get there only to be told it was cancelled. 

-

 

other things currently happening 

- I think my bulimia has come back

- I have physical health issues including chronic pain

- I had to quit my job this morning - I havent been able to hold down a job in years and the career that I loved and did for 15yrs I can no longer do because of my physical health.

- my housemate is about to move out and im stressing about paying the rent by myself

- I have started having flashbacks to a sexual assault that happened 5yrs ago

 

so im a bit overwhelmed and lost right now. any feedback would be greatly appreciated

 

thank you

 

10 REPLIES 10

Re: so much going on

Hello @confused_nomad 

 

Thankyou for sharing your story. Welcome to the forums. I hope you will find this a safe & comfortable place to express yourself.

 

The title of your post feels quite accurate. I'm sorry that all this is happening at once for you. It must be quite overwhelming to deal with. On top of that, it sounds as though you have taken the responsible & right approach by reaching out to medical support services, only to be disappointed & felt a sense of rejection in return.

 

You are not alone. It can be a really crushing experience when professional services are not there for us. I personally have interpreted these recent barriers as an effect of covid related issues - with reduced staff, increased patient load etc.

 

I have read your points, & can empathize that you really do have lots going on. You have made a great step, by being able to articulate and list down some of things that are troubling you. Whilst I agree, that it sounds like having someone to talk to could be very valuable for you right now, in the absence of being able to access that, you should feel proud that you were at least able to find the personal resources & to reach out here.

 

I know some other members will also be able to reply during the day, and possibly give some support and ideas on where to go from here.

 

Good luck, kind regards maddison

Re: so much going on

Gee whiz! That's a rough sequence of hospital stories. I don't think the word, frustrating, would cut it. I've got questions about which systems fell down for those sort of things to be happening. What you're describing is (how do I put this?) .... madness!

Re: so much going on

.....of course (and sadly) I believe your every word. I've also had some system 'bouts of my own.

 

Looking at your current situation, there's no shame putting health first. Physical and mental. I would like to say that to you. You very likely want to be taking things one at a time, but I'm a general advocate of trying to take control by actively seeking the right people and getting the plan you deserve.

Re: so much going on

Ooooo @confused_nomad . It sounds so hard to be left in the lurch so many times. I can see you want to get better seeing you drove 40 for an appointment.

 

Im sorry you have been let down so many times. It must feel so lonely.

 

We can’t offer medical advice here but we can sit, listen and connect with each other.

Re: so much going on

Wow geez what a horrible experience you have had recently @confused_nomad I’m really sorry this has been your experience and so many additional stresses on top of your mental health. 

Re: so much going on

@confused_nomad I'm so sorry, it's so devastating. It feels sometimes like our health system is so overwhelmed that we aren't a priority any more, and we often get forgotten, let down and fall through the cracks. It's terrifying 😔 I'm not sure what the answer is. I wish I could afford private health insurance. I wish I could afford to take 6 months of work for my medication transition, but instead I have to try and keep working. 

 

Sorry to go on talking about myself, I zoned out. 

 

I can't believe what your psychiatrist did to you. And how much you have been let down. Please keep us updated with what's happening for you, it's very worrying, we're here for you. 

 

Do you have friends or family who can support you? 

 

Many prayers and love from Christheart

Re: so much going on

thanks everyone, it's great that there's so much support on here 🙂 no my family are all in the UK so they don't know most of what is going on, and I don't have that many friends in the state where I live because ive only been here about a year. 

 

I do have my dog and cats who are the reason im still alive. 

 

yes in feel totally let down by the medical system. I still feel like I need to be in hospital really, but the hospital and the local community mental health team refuse to help me. ironically I've had the same issues when I've had physical health problems - it took me years to get my osteoarthritis and slipped disks diagnosed because they kept telling me it was all in my head. same when I developed adult onset asthma (which was triggered by a bout of whooping cough...which they were telling me was just anxiety!)

 

we have a house inspection today and I'm freaking out about it because I havent been able to clean all the fly poo off the ceiling 😞

 

 

Re: so much going on

Hi @confused_nomad Just wanted to stop by to offer some support. You have a lot going on and you're doing really well to keep asking for help and seeking the support you deserve. I'm wondering if you are able to see a different psychiatrist if the one you have isn't providing the right support? 

I'm so sorry you're going through so much 💝

If you ever want to chat to someone I will provide some numbers below. Please keep reaching out, we are here with you. 

 

Crisis support 

Guided Service peer support and counselling 

Drop in counselling service 

 

 

Re: so much going on

@confused_nomad jeez that sounds so rough, while I can't contribute much to help, please remember that there are people who care, people who love you. 

I don't know if it would help you, but it has been helping me, I've set myself up online with the Black Dog Institute, between thier online workshops pointing my brain in the right direction, the team here at SANE and journalling, to just brain dump & get it all out, I'm starting to fell lighter, less twisted and broken, hopefully any or all of those ideas might help too 😁

 

Please keep sharing with us, we are all here to help each other, plus, fuzzy snuggles from our pets are quite helpful,

 

I might be a total stranger, but I'm sending my love and support to you ❤️ 

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