Lived Experience Forum

[Lola5]

hi ,

I am 38 female who has been diagnosed with premature menopause. I have been married for almost 6 months. However this last 6 months has been the hardest times I have ever gone through & it just seems to be getting worse.

My husbands family has decided to cut him off. So I’m not sure if we will even stay together.

It started to escalate just before we got married we had a small elopement ceremony followed by a party in which we said no children at the party. His sister made a big song & dance about it & rang my husband abused him to the point he was crying , sent me awful messages & really just made what was supposed to be a happy time horrible. She never attended our wedding. His mother who we were living with & paying rent , buying groceries doing jobs all around the house for her. Kicked us out with no warning & she knew we were going to be homeless however luckily I had a work colleague who offered us her investment property. His sister the instigator, tells lies about things that happen & rings up other family members to get them on her side & gang up on us. My partner had an operation last week & she hadn’t seen either of us since before our wedding. She walked straight past me didn’t even acknowledge I existed . Not wanting to start conflict I took the opportunity to leave & collect my water from the car & return when she left.

later I was walking down the halls & didn’t even see her & she came up and attacked me to the point by the time I returned to my husband I was having a nervous breakdown.

now she works at the hospital as a nurse so shouldn’t causing issues to patients in the hospital.

when she finished work that night she rang her Mother & father & said I attacked her at the hospital when I was supposed to be looking after their son. The following evening I sent a group message to everyone saying he was out of surgery & okay. The mother & father didn’t reply I even had said can someone pass the information on to his sister as I don’t have her details.

when my husband got out I was working so it was a huge drama to have his mother pick him up , who doesn’t work by the way. He got in the car & immediately she attacked him the whole way home & just said awful things about me.

this is the same woman who didn’t even get us card when we got married. 
anyway cut to the short his family cut him off last night. I’ve been feeling suicidal for weeks because I can’t stop any of this crap happening. She has it out for me & wants to make it so hard my husband walks away from me. 
I don’t know what to do.

I am getting help I’m going to the doctors tomorrow.

[NatureLover]

Hi and welcome, @Lola5 , it's good you've joined.

I am sorry to hear about your husband's toxic family and all they are putting you both through 😞

I'm especially sorry to hear that you feel suicidal. 

I'm glad to hear you're seeing a doctor tomorrow. I'm wondering if you feel you could ask them for a Mental Health Care Plan? That would entitle you to up to 10 (20 during Covid) subsidised sessions with a psychologist. Unfortunately it could be a 6-month wait to get in to see a psychologist, but if you set it up now, that would provide some hope on the horizon for you?

I am also wondering if you are suffering grief due to your early menopause diagnosis? 

A handy forum tip is if you type @ and then click on a name in the drop-down box, that person will get a notification and won't miss your reply to them. 

I hope you find the forums supportive, @Lola5 .

[wellwellwellnez]

You post gives me a lot to think about. I'm a reconciliatory person and like to look at both sides of a conflict. It does seem that the in-laws you are describing are not looking for solutions.

The other thing I try to do is compare the mental modelling that people get their opinions from. When people get dishonest, that process gets trickier, because you've got to filter the real modelling from the projected modelling. Or in other words "arguing with someone's lie" gets nowhere compared to "reasoning with someone's truth".

So, what is their truth? Probably some confronting answers to that question, but answers. For that matter, I wonder what they're not seeing about you and you partners truths.

That's my take, for now. It's a head-scratcher and I thank you for sharing it.

[GrevilleaBlooms]

Hi @Lola5 , 

We're glad you found our community here- it sounds like it's been an incredibly stressful and challenging 6 months for you, and I'm so sorry you've been experiencing that. It's wonderful to hear that you've made an appointment to see your dr tomorrow, that shows a lot of strength- you deserve to be supported in such a challenging time. How is your husband feeling about what has been happening? We are all here to listen - I hope your appointment goes well tomorrow 💜

[wellwellwellnez]

If you're looking for resources @Lola5 , Relationships Australia, seems very much the peak body. They've expanded so much. Heaps of branches. Heaps of info. Heaps of specialization. From what I tell, they're pretty much in charge of relationships. The Microsoft/coca-cola of people getting along.

I'd also vouch for my experiences with them, anecdotally.

[confused_nomad]

I'm so sorry to hear you are going through all that with your husband's family, it sounds like a nightmare. 

just wanted to say I'm with you on the premature menopause thing. I'm 39 and been diagnosed but have had the symptoms for a couple of years. bipolar + menopause sucks!!

hope you manage to sort things out so your life can be less stressful and you and your husband can have the kind of relationship you would have dreamed you would have