Lived Experience Forum

[Aworkingem]

Hello anyone,

You are probably the 5th person I have spoken with. My doctor, my husband, my friends and today my psychologist.

I need a lot more support basically because  I'm still in that heightened state

So here it goes..

nye at a friends place with my children and husband and other families. We all were drinking and having a great time. I was offered an illegal substance and I accepted - stupidity.

I now totally feel the shame and regret which has turned into anxiety and panic attacks which my poor husband has to face and deal with.

I will never do this again.

ever

my major shame and regret is that I did it with in the house of my friend  ( not where my children or other children could see) Her husband offered this too me and I feel aweful that she doesn't even know her husband takes it.

her husband is my husbands best friend. Many people have told me that I should not let this get to me and that it's their problem. 

please help me rest my mind

[Teej]

Hi @Aworkingem and welcome 👋

i know i struggle with feeling like I’ve made a huge mistake and going over and over it. I get myself very worked up as well. What I know from personal experiences is that this will pass. It may not be forgotten but the intense emotions and anxiety will pass. 

What Ive learned about making mistakes from reading and therapy is that mistakes are a way of learning. If you learn from a mistake then it’s a good thing. I’ve learned guilt is a way of learning as well. If you act on the guilt in a positive way it is something learned and the guilt dissipates. We all make mistakes, it’s what makes us human. Be as gentle as you can with yourself. It sounds like you are doing the best you can to deal with this situation. That’s all you can do. 

Best wishes. 

[Aworkingem]

Teej,

thank you for your words. I did call my friend today and told her what I did and she was very forgiving.. She said that I am one of the honest people she knows and not to beat myself up. 

self forgiveness, is very hard to do and I know it will take time.

thank you again 

[CheerBear]

Hi @Aworkingem and welcome to the forum.

I connected with the title of your post as soon as I saw it, as I think many of us could. All of us make mistakes and choices that we'd prefer we hadn't. There's definitely no perfect person out there! I can find it very difficult to wrestle with the feelings that follow a mistake too. Shame, guilt, embarrassment, regret, anxiety etc can all become very big.

I seem to learn best from 'doing' which means plenty of mistakes along the way. I used to really struggle with the feelings that follow a mistake or not-great choice I'd made and would be harder on myself that anyone else was on me (which I think many of us can do too). I still struggle with this at times/a lot of the time. Like @Teej, now I try and see mistakes, choices and the feelings that follow, as a way of learning. I believe that mistakes are opportunities to learn about myself, others, life etc. They often teach me about what I value.

It's great to hear that your friend was understanding and took it well by the sound of it. I think it's very brave to have spoken with her about it. Something I am learning is that the difficult feelings that follow mistakes often get bigger and harder if we stay silent about the things we've done. Sharing our mistakes and receiving support and empathy in return can ease those feelings I find. How are you feeling since speaking with her?

Hope you can be gentle with yourself and know that mistakes are part of being human ❤

[Aworkingem]

With me @CheerBear everything is an open book.. which is great but can be destructive as well.

I always believe that when you have done something wrong, you should always own up to it. In this case, I did something that I don't normal do. It was a friends house with children and that she is a strong advocate to NO drugs (from her brother being a drug dealer and substance abuse user)

so. 
she took my apology so well that I was shocked. But, not overly superised because of her beautiful heart.

I felt like somewhat relieved for like 5mins. Proud that I told her and that She knew about it. 
But how are am I now?? 
still anxious with intrusive thoughts and nervousness... I'm working through this. The best part is having you and everyone else's support. Thank you soo much 

❤️