Lived Experience Forum

[AnimalLover]

Hey everyone, hoping I can get some help with tips on how to deal with a pretty traumatic breakup during this COVID pandemic.

at the start of this year I met this man who I thought truly was the man of my dreams. I don't ever remember being so happy and safe with someone. Then I got pregnant. I decided to terminate because the relationship was still pretty new and I wanted to have more time with my partner without a baby involved. Obviously I was unable to have him at the ultrasound to confirm the stage of the pregnancy and the woman doing the ultrasound obviously didn't read my referral because she turned the monitor around without even asking me and showed me its heartbeat. I thought I was being strong and level headed but that upset me. Then after the termination I lost my mind. My hormones were so all over the place and I got so depressed and manic and was always starting fights with my partner. I didn't mean it at all I just couldn't control it. I started taking anti depressants and things improved a little with my mental health but the damage was done to my relationship. I pushed him so hard that I think he developed depression and we could no longer communicate effectively and kindly. He broke up with me about a week ago and I am just so heartbroken. I feel so isolated in my grief about terminating my pregnancy. My whole support network is in Melbourne and I can't see them because I'm outside of the stage 4 lockdown area. My heart hurts so much

[Basil]

Hey @AnimalLover,

Welcome to the forums! I am glad you have come here to share your story and find support and connection during this profoundly diffcult time. I can't begin to imagine the grief you are processing and sitting with at this current time, and I would like you to know that we are sitting with you 

Basil (Moderator)

[Owlunar]

Hi @AnimalLover 

I have miscarried more than once so I am pretty sure you are having a grief reaction and you feel guilty about the termination - you have no need to feel guilty considering your intentions were for the best  - grief is harder to deal with  - however it happened you have ecperience losses - your pregnancy and your partner and your circumstances at the time and that's a lot 

I'd like to welcome you to our forum family - other people will be alongside I am sure and we will do our best to support you  - times are tough  and we are all here for each other 

Keep in touch and let us know how you are

Dec 🦉😷

[Maggie]

@AnimalLover  I’m so sorry things are this hard for you. I’m glad you are here on the forums, we will gently walk beside you.

Sending caring thoughts to you tonight. 💕💕

[mtd]

im glad to see youre reaching out,
i hope you will speak to your gp about how youre feeling so you can get some more support, it can be hard to do but you can get the help you need and its better to start dealing with things as early as possible.

i know how you feel, ive had a termination before and i am headed to another tomorrow 😞 when i was younger i seemed to be able to ignore it, now i cant not think about it but i know i couldnt handle another child.

you will heal from this, it will get better as time goes on.

there were times i truly thought happiness was a figment of my imagination but i ended up making it through, i fear slipping now but i always remember that ill be back and each time stronger and smarter than before.

lockdown makes these situations so much harder but know youre not alone .

you are strong and you will get through , 
sending all of my love your way 

[mtd]

try not to let the weight keep you down,
if not working, try getting up and doing somewhat of your usual routine.
ive barely moved in the last few days or gotten dressed since making my appointment for tomorrow.
and it doesnt help, sometimes rest is good but i dont want it to turn into habit,
today im going to do my hair do a face mask and maybe even put on some makeup, eveen though only for my walls to see, itll give me something to do and make me feel a little better.
if theyre not your kind of things you could try de cluttering something thats been bothering you or that needs it,
baking something or going for a walk.
i cant say im currently practicing this but excersise is something almost any clinician will reccomend you doing daily to help .

[Maggie]

@mtd  Welcome to the forums.

Sending you support and care for tomorrow.

I hope your hair and make up plans , are a good distraction today. Take care.

[mtd]

thank you ❤️

[Sphinxly]

Hey there @AnimalLover  and @mtd,

You're both going through a lot right now. I'm glad you're talking about it here and supporting each other. One of our moderators found this page if you wanted to have a read on termination emotional issues and counselling. 

Here for you,

Sphinxly 🐣

Moderator

[Lostandalone]

oh @AnimalLover  my heart goes out to you

It is a very hard time for you... physically, emotionally and mentally and the strugge is real

we are here comforting you in your time of need