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Re: Any diagnosed germophobes or hoarders on this forum?


@Emelia8 wrote:

I went looking, and I think I know the issues you are feeling overwhelmed and troubled about.  Its very sad. 


Thank you for understanding. Yes, it's sad, and I have managed to get myself in some trouble over it as well, and am fearful of the possible consequences. But I did manage to have a good night and am feeling stronger today, thanks... I so value your care and love and hugs, thank you Heart

 

And yes, I would like to talk to you about hoarding at some point. 🙂

 

I will catch up with your news shortly Heart dear @Emelia8 

 

P.S. "Unpickled" gave me a smile :D...I do appreciate your encouragement. 🙂

Re: Any diagnosed germophobes or hoarders on this forum?

Hi @Emelia8 , you can generally find me on this thread...

 

I had to give a wry smile at the "pickle" you posted on the HSP thread for me just now! Thank you my dear friend! 😄

Re: Any diagnosed germophobes or hoarders on this forum?

Okay, thanks @NatureLover 👍

Thought it a good idea to bump up your HSP thread anyway, and add some appropriate memes.

 

Btw, I hope you read the small print on the pickle pic. 😀

 

Emelia 🌸

Re: Any diagnosed germophobes or hoarders on this forum?

@Emelia8  Yes, bumping the HSP thread is brilliant - you've really made that thread superb, I could read it over and over many times and still get so much out of it each time 🙂

 

Yes, I saw the small print - thank you, I do so value your encouragement Heart

 

I notice that you also have been quiet...I am here to listen if you would like...

Re: Any diagnosed germophobes or hoarders on this forum?

Thank you @NatureLover  🙏💖

 

I am feeling a little quiet today, but was around a lot yesterday.  Seems that so many members were struggling badly yesterday and I seemed to go from thread to thread offering comfort and support as much as I could. But not very successfully I suspect.  Felt pretty useless and ineffective with it all.

 

I promised to get back to this thread to talk about hoarding.  So I will do so now, but no need to respond ... I can see you are busily doing your morning rounds at present.

 

I mentioned that both my Mum and my Dad are hoarders in the extreme.  As you know, my Mum died just over 12 months ago.  Dad remains at home with a lot of help from agedcare.  But even with as much assistance as he is getting from Aged care and family members, he is finding living at home to be more and more difficult.  He is very challenged physically and mobility wise, has had numerous falls a major stroke and a couple of mini strokes recently.  So the time is approaching where he will need to sell his home in order to pay his way into an aged care facility.  My brother wants him to move in with him, but he lives on a farm 45mins from nearest facilities, and thats not ideal when Dad has the medical conditions that he does.  Just not practical.

 

So a couple of weeks ago, after Dad had another mini stroke, I went down and visited him for a week.  My aim was to start going through some of the accumulated clutter and hoarded 'this that and the other'.  Dear me ... what a nightmare!  The home is a small 2-bedroom fibro, with limited storage.  But its a large town block and so there is a huge 6-bay shed up the back yard.  Really hard to know where to start, because everywhere I looked there was 'stuff'.  And absolutely no order to anything.  Me with my OCD, has to have order to things, at the very least.

 

I started in the kitchen.  Very top shelf ... rows upon rows of assorted teapots, some good others crap.  Above the gas stove cooktop was numerous containers.  Containing anything from food, to rubber bands, to thumb tacks, to used matches.  I found 12 boxes of unopened thumbtacks!  In excess of 30 or so, boxes of used matches.  Several unused ones.  I found rubber bands poked in here there and everywhere, mostly no longer elasticated.  I found assorted long dead mice and birds on top shelf above microwave.  Nearly made me sick thinking about how that would have been at the time.  

 

Decided to move to the writing desk and stationary bits and pieces.  Adding the recently discovered rubber bands and thumb tacks to the collection.  100's of pens, pencils and textas.  Many no longer working.  About 20 rulers!  100's of unused envelopes and stamps.  Assorted writing pads, note books, journals and loose paper .... my goodness ... it was just endless.  I filled 3 bins in the week I was there .. and that was conservative.

 

The same applied with the bathroom cupboards, the bedrooms, the book shelves and the laundry.  The loungeroom was just as bad.  Every single trinket of any type was poked into the tiniest of spaces.  Many previously broken, but lovingly repaired as best Mum could.  34 CareFlight bears hung all around the lounge walls collecting dust, soot and smoke from the loungeroom fire.  Magazines of all types kept for the past 50 years, all strewn around the house and many more in boxes stored in the shed out back.  Most of those were done last year.

 

As you may imagine, with my OCD, I was completely horrified.  And all this is after a major culling operation last year soon after Mum passed away.  I left after my week there, satisfied with what I had managed to achieve, but with the realisation that I could do that half a dozen more times, and still not be done.  And yet, if Dad decides to sell his house, it definitely needs to be done.  It was an exhausting week.

 

One good thing though ... Mum also hoarded toilet paper.  I think she used to buy it whenever it was on special.  Either that, or she forgot she already had plenty.  She would have had about a 100 rolls stored in various nooks and crannies within the house and outside laundry.  So there was no toilet paper shortage for Dad during the panic buying days of the Corona Virus. 😊

 

Thank you for listening.  Although I have to say, I only told you some of it ... there was much that I would not be able to say here, nor would want to.  I know you have the unusual and somewhat conflicting twin disorders of hoarding and germophobia.  My Mum definitely did not have the germophobia that you do! Unfortunately. But the hoarding ... most definitely.

 

Emelia 🌸

Re: Any diagnosed germophobes or hoarders on this forum?


@Emelia8 wrote:

I am feeling a little quiet today, but was around a lot yesterday.  Seems that so many members were struggling badly yesterday and I seemed to go from thread to thread offering comfort and support as much as I could. But not very successfully I suspect.  Felt pretty useless and ineffective with it all.


You are very good at offering comfort and support...I'm sorry you felt useless. Please know (if you can accept it) that you are very much valued and loved here. 

 

Thank you for writing about your father's hoarding. I could feel your shock and horror through what you wrote...I too was shocked at the "dead birds and mice" bit. I must admit, I have never had 12 boxes of unopened thumbtacks. I can relate to the saving of rubber bands - I no longer do that, but did for years. I also used to save pens, odd pencils that I would never use, textas, bits of paper and notebooks, etc - I threw most of them out a few years ago. 

 

It sounds like you would need many, many skips for all the magazines, CareFlight bears, stuff in the huge shed, etc... an overwhelming task 😞

 

It was very good of you to go for a week and do that sorting out...Can I ask, how did your father cope with you throwing stuff out? 

 

I have worked very hard on my hoarding disorder the last few years, with the help of my therapist and a couple of kind friends. I've had a lot of success. I had huge amounts of old stored stuff outside - now all disposed of. My house these days is cluttered but functional most of the time. It's a tiny house, and every now and then stuff piles up on the floor in the lounge-room and kitchen, and there are narrow paths I have to navigate, but I manage to clear them each time. All the stuff on the shelves is fairly recent and useful, although I still need to prune it down more. 

 

Thank you for recognising that my germophobia and my hoarding clash. They do, horribly. Stuff piles up  waiting for me to disinfect it, or even having nowhere to store it after disinfecting. It's really hard to face. 

 

You must have only written the less shocking bits of what you found... Can I ask, have you gone the other way, as a result of both your parents' extreme hoarding? Are you a minimalist? @Emelia8 

Re: Any diagnosed germophobes or hoarders on this forum?

Thanks for the kind words @NatureLover , but I get the feeling in some quarters that I am not wanted here, but merely suffered. 😔

 

Well done to you to cull so much of your assorted stationary items a few years ago.  I'm sure that would have been hard, so it was quite an accomplishment. 

 

The CareFlight bears I have donated to the small local hospital in my Mum and Dads home town.  Thankfully they were all still in their original plastic bags, so I was able to remove those and they were nice and clean underneath.  Mind you I was filthy myself, but nothing that a long hot shower and lots of soap couldnt rectify.  The CareFlight bears are something my Mum bought for years, she was a bit of a sucker for donating to charities when they rang. But they are a lovely collection.  I have seen on ebay and facebook marketplace that people sell them as individuals, groups or full collections .. and get good money for them.  But being 7 hours drive away, I wasnt going to bother with that.  

 

Dad was in hospital recovering for a few days when I first arrived down there.  So I had a couple of days of free rein during that time.  I mainly did Mums stuff then though.  When I could consult Dad more, I concentrated more on his collections.  Of which 50 or more years of assorted mags are his.  So we reached an agreement that I would box up all the ones he refused to allow me to 're-cycle', and store them in his shed.  By the time I left, the shed looked like a massive storage area.  If you could imagine a double garage with masses of neatly stacked boxes piled up from floor to head height (as high as I could reach) ... filling almost the entirety of the space.  Phew!  And I didnt throw everything out, I did a number of trips to Vinnies with boxes of useful or saleable stuff. Dad is happy enough if he knows its not going to the tip, and that someone else can use it.  So that was good.  But occasionally he would make a huge song and dance about silly things.  Like a small touch style bedside lamp, which no longer works.  It would cost more to fix it than to replace it.  He saw me testing it to see if it was restorable.  When I said it wasnt any good, he said not to throw it out, that it was a good ornament!  I threatened to toss it in the bin, but he carefully picked it up and laboriously managed to carry it up to the shed, where he stored it.  No doubt to later bring back as an 'ornament'.  Grrrrrr .....

 

Your success with getting your hoarding more controlled is very impressive.  Decluttering to the extent of functionality is major progress.  I think I have nearly got my Dads place to that level too now.  He barely had space to worm his way through the house before ... now he barely knows himself.  But he is actually quite happy with it all I think. 

 

My Mum was the main hoarder I think, and that covered almost anything/everything.  Dad is more of a hoarder of his specific collections ... anything to do with old cars, magazines, etc.  We have kept some of his more precious items and they are now displayed on a set of shelves in his bedroom. But Mum would even keep used clingwrap, and I found a kitchen drawer full of it.  Yuk!  

 

For you, I guess you are now at a stage where you know when you need to do a periodic cull, and are able to do that? If so, thats fabulous, and a very big 'well done' to you for that.  It is a constant need for anyone really, even those of us who are not hoarders, to do the odd cull of accumulated 'stuff'. Something which is typically done when we move house I suppose ... toss out all the things we no longer need/want/use or have space for.  That includes household items and personal clothing.

 

No, I'm not what you'd call a minimalist I dont think.  But I want, need and strive for a high degree of order and enough space ... both are very important to me.  I get panicky if I dont have that.  And yes, I suspect growing up with hoarders and seeing the consequences of it all my life right up until now, has played a part in me needing to be as far removed from it as possible.

 

Emelia 🌸

Re: Any diagnosed germophobes or hoarders on this forum?


@Emelia8 wrote:

Thanks for the kind words @NatureLover , but I get the feeling in some quarters that I am not wanted here, but merely suffered. 😔


I'm really sorry to hear this 😞 @Emelia8 

 

 


@Emelia8 wrote:

Well done to you to cull so much of your assorted stationary items a few years ago.  I'm sure that would have been hard, so it was quite an accomplishment. 


Thank you; yes, some items - not just stationery - took me several tries to throw out, over many years!

 

I can understand your need for order and space. Did you feel panicky in your father's house, with no order or space? If so, then it was doubly brave of you to go and tackle his stuff.

 

I am glad and relieved to hear he was happy with your clean-out. Thank you for being respectful of his need to keep the old broken lamp, despite being useless, and for reaching agreements with him about some of his magazines. Frustrating for you, I know; but it's actually very scary and violating when people just come and throw out your items without your permission. It sounds like you struck a nice balance and he felt good about your work...not easy to strike a nice balance, so very well done 🙂

 

Keeping used clingwrap? I have heard of keeping used foil (not me), but I haven't heard of used clingwrap before. I think it's a lovely idea that you donated the CareFlight Bears to the local hospital. 

 

Thank you for talking to me about hoarding - no-one else on the forums so far seems to have this diagnosis.

Re: Any diagnosed germophobes or hoarders on this forum?

Yes @NatureLover  I did feel panicky staying at Dads place, with so much clutter, filth and disorder.

And of course I would never dispose of anything if Dad was totally against it.  But I did need to clear some space within the house.  If for no other reason than to permit room for him to use a walker through the room.  He currently uses a walking stick, but it is not enabling enough stability for him.  He needs to move up to a walker.  I have bought one for him, but he is so far refusing to use it.  But at least now that there is enough space to get through the house, he has no excuses not to use it.  I'm hoping he will adapt.  He has dreadfully crippled up hands and no strength in his arms or shoulders.  His feet are a mess also, bad infections in his feet late last year resulted in half his big toe in one foot being essentially eaten away.  And he has formerly broken toes in other foot, and terrible circulation and no feeling in either foot.  Looking at his feet they are are dreadful mess.  With half one big toe missing and the other big toe mangled from a unfixed break, his balance is badly affected too.  So it really was essential I create some space.  And between us, we managed to do that, through negotiation.  I had much greater autonomy with all Mums stuff because of course she is no longer around to object. 😔

 

I could never just throw someones prized possessions out willy nilly however, no matter how much I may want to.

 

I'm sorry you dont have anyone here who really has the hoarding gene.  As you know, I dont either.  But I do have a very close association with it.  

 

Hope you are doing okay this evening.  It will soon be your clock off time.  Hope you sleep well and awake refreshed.  I know the past few days have been very difficult for you, a worrying time.  I hope you are now somewhat reassured that there are not major consequences for you.  Hugs to you sweet heart.

 

Emelia 🌸

Re: Any diagnosed germophobes or hoarders on this forum?

Just wanted to let you know how much I have appreciated your support, and valued your advice @NatureLover 

You are so good at what you do here ... but I know it takes a toll on you.  Please do take good care of yourself my sweet, very kind and sensitive friend.  Thank you.

I may not be around, so just wanted to tell you that.  @NatureLover 

 

Emelia 🌸

 

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