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Bel
Casual Contributor

A Newbie and trying to get hold of things

Hi everyone,

I believe my partner has delusional disorder. He was diagnosed to have mild schizophrenia but for one year now, he has this belief that a certain group of people is trying to harm him.

He can talk and talk about his observations (cars outside that are pulling over or stopping are there because they're observing us) over and over again. Last year he was worst because I can feel he is scared. There were times we have to live with his parents just because of this. But even when we were there, the cars that he doesn't know that drove down or slows down at his parent's street - he'll jump into conclusion that they are for him. Heck, even when we were at a park and he heard  2 cars beeping.

I see the cars he sees but never in my mind I thought they were threatening. It is hard to reason with him. There are times he gets mad at me because we don't share the same opinion. I also answer him back. It gets frustrating most time. There are times I get so fed up and I just want to hide and not hear him talking about it. In realilty ,we haven't talked about anything else except his concern of these cars.

I feel so stuck--he doesn't want me to go out for a long time (but I do when I think he is better). I can't even socialize, find work or just enjoy what I like to do because he wants me to be around all the time. It is sad. His family doesn't check on him often except for his mom. His sister is his carer (as registered in centrelink) but she doesn't check on him too. I sometimes felt that they're relieved that I am here. Every time we visit his family, they just end up arguing with each other. And that annoys me off. I am someone who is non-confrontational. 

I am on a temporary visa and I am ashamed of my situation. Only my bestfriend knows how hard my life here living each day hoping everything will get better. Sometimes I think I will just pack up and go but I pity him and our dogs. I know I can just leave him but who will look after him? It is so hard because I have no support - no friends, no family nearby. I just contain myself, play with our dogs (even talk to them sometimes I can't bear to listen to his rants that he keeps on repeating)

In joining this group, I hope I can get help to make my life here manageable and I can still continue to look after him.

Thank you

 

3 REPLIES 3

Re: A Newbie and trying to get hold of things

Hello @Bel

 

you are struggling being with someone who has a mental illness.

I am not sure how long you have been in this country or how long you have been with this Man which would nalso be adding to your adapting.

  you mentioned that his sister is his carer, were you aware that he had a carer before you came?

On what terms did you meet?

Living with a person with mental illness is not always easy but can still be very rewarding.

Is your new partner receiving  medical counselling?

Perhaps you could ask your husband if you could attend a session with his doctor and discuss situation.

 

Re: A Newbie and trying to get hold of things

Hi @Bel,

Your partner sounds like he is struggling psychologically and could well be suffering with delusions.  Unfortunately most delusional people don't see that they have a problem and getting them connected with appopriate help is fraught with resistance and difficulty.  I always consider the "back door" approach to this as being a possible inroad.  This is where you front up as the person needing support (which isn't entirely untrue) and in the course of seeking support you need to co-opt your partner.  In your particular circumstance you can opt to say that you feel like you are falling to pieces and need to see a psychologist and ask him if he will accompany you.  Hopefully within a few sessions of therapy you will be able to shift the focus from you onto him and his delusions.  It's just an idea.  Please don't feel ashamed about your situation.  What you are fearing is the judgement of others.  What you have described is within the realms of "normal" human behaviour and you would be suprised how many people will relate to your story and be supportive.  Pretending that your life here is good is not being truthful and tells me that you are chosing to live with unhappiness rather than being honest about your hardships.  I was caught in a similar situation with my husband.  I didn't want anyone to know that our marriage was terrible and went out of my way to hide the truth.  It took courage to be openly honest and although it was a painful process it needed to be done and I was pleasantly suprised by how many people brought their skeletons out of the closet as a knock on effect to my openess.  Pity and concern also prevented me from leaving my husband for the same reasons you've mentioned.  Unfortunately this is not a solid reason for sacrificing your own happiness and mental well-being.  I urge you to dig deep within yourself to find out what it is that YOU truly want.  I know this must be extremely difficult for you in the absence of family/friends for support.  Please keep connected to this forum and in the meantime ensure that you are balancing things out by getting in some "me time" or doing something that you enjoy.  

 

Janna ❤️

Re: A Newbie and trying to get hold of things

Hi Everyone and @Bel welcome to the forums 🙂 I hope you can find support here within this community.

@DeeElysia and @Cocoon2017 are talking about Psychosis-delusions and I wondered if you might like to add something to their posts or perhaps they might have something to add here on your post.

I'm sorry to hear you feel stuck. It sounds like you are trying to manage as best as you can. Support and finding time for ourselves amoungst it all can be two very helpful things to try and implement. What do you do for yourself @Bel?

Sane Help Centre on 1800 187 263 and Carers Australia on 1800 242 636 can also be helpful numbers to keep a hold of for over the phone support too.

Take Care,

Pebbles 🙂

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